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Anyone pregnant after IVF?

(23 Posts)
Shellster52 Fri 30-Oct-15 12:53:01

I've found myself a bit lost in a hole. I'm finally able to move away from the infertility section after my 11th IVF produced success. Yet this pregnancy is very different to my first conceived naturally and would love to chat with others who are also pregnant after IVF.

Autumn2014 Fri 30-Oct-15 13:04:50

Congratulations what wonderful news. You may find a thread/group on the antenatal group board.

mmmminx Fri 30-Oct-15 18:03:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blackandwhitecat3 Sat 31-Oct-15 09:31:34

Hello Shellster <big mad wave> How are you? When is your scan?

There are a few of us IVF pregnant ladies on this thread but you might get some more people on here too.

It's getting cold and autumnal here, how is spring coming along in Oz? Mind you, I'm glad I'm going to be at my biggest in midwinter, not midsummer! I'm 29 weeks so starting to get big, and still can't quite believe I'm actually going to be a mum.


Blackandwhitecat3 Sat 31-Oct-15 09:32:21

Congratulations mmmminx! When are you due?

Maurice169 Sat 31-Oct-15 10:19:14

Congratulations Shellster
I've had natural pregnancies, I'm now 23 weeks into an IVF pregnancy. To be honest this one doesn't feel any different. I did work during the natural pregnancies and it was very tiring, this one I'm not, so able to rest when I feel tired. That's made a difference this time round.
I can imagine a pregnancy after 11 attempts must be quite emotional. It's finally happened, so relax and enjoy?!. X

BadgerFace Sat 31-Oct-15 12:33:00

Congratulations!! My first pregnancy 3 years ago was IVF and I am now 30 weeks with a natural miracle after a failed FET in February. This pregnancy is way worse than my IVF one...

Osirus Sat 31-Oct-15 19:41:08

Hello again shellster. I'm 7 weeks after pregnant after my first IVF (ICSI). I've never been pregnant before so cannot compare. How far along are you now?

Osirus Sat 31-Oct-15 19:41:58

I'm not after pregnant - that was a weird typo!

Sarah720890 Sat 31-Oct-15 22:26:50

I'm pregnant after I've and Iv been off work for over 2 weeks feeling so so sick

Jem01 Sun 01-Nov-15 08:03:26

Congrats ShellStar! Yesterday I found out I was pregnant, following our recent IVF cycle, after ttc for 3 years.

Shellster52 Mon 02-Nov-15 03:04:37

Thanks Autumn and Cat for pointing me in the direction of a thread for this purpose. (And hi Cat - I know the feeling of not quite believing it!)

Perhaps I should have explained more clearly in my initial post. I am not referring to this pregnancy being physically different. When I was struggling to conceive, I felt resentment towards other pregnant bellies I would see on the street and hated having to deal with these pregnant ladies at my work. DH's is one of 7 and there are a few of his siblings who don't work. It didn't seem fair that me and DH both work hard and couldn't conceive while these people don't work and just popped out children during my repeated IVF failures that I now have to fund through my tax. I even made excuses not to attend family functions because I just couldn't face them. I thought all these feelings my go away once I completed my family, but even though I am 19 weeks now, I am still struggling with these feelings.

Badger, sounds like you've been on an emotional roller coaster - successful IVF followed by I assume 3 years of hoping and wondering if the frosty would become a sibling, then to come crashing down when it failed, followed by a miracle natural conception.

Congratulations Osirus! Perhaps your feelings are different to mine as I took 11 attempts for IVF success so I was really in a dark place of feeling like it wouldn't happen. On the other hand, I know I can't complain as there are many ladies here who are doing IVF just to achieve their first while I am fortunate enough to have my son and now have my family complete, despite the emotional scars it caused.

Sorry to hear you feel so unwell Sarah. I was feeling unwell (although wouldn't have traded it for the world to go back to my previous state of not being able to look into my sons eyes without guilt for not being able to give him the sibling he wanted). I did feel a lot better after 12 weeks, and I hope you find the same xox

Congratulations to you Jem. Bet you still can't quite believe it. 3 years is a long time - was that your first IVF cycle in that time?. Perhaps you started to struggle with other pregnancies in that time, as I did? If so, did it all dissipate after your conception or do you still struggle with other pregnancies like me?

Maurice, you are in a similar situation to me with having conceived naturally previously and now in an IVF pregnancy. Did you ever get any medical explanation for what changed that you needed IVF to conceive this time?

Maurice169 Mon 02-Nov-15 20:49:19

Hi Shellster
I have a 9 year old daughter. I had a 4 year old son, he tragically died of a blood infection in January.
It was really my daughter who encouraged us to try again. Im 45 so we new our only options would be donor egg IVF or adoption. We thought IVF might take a few goes so got started straight away, amazingly it worked first time.
We hope this little boy will bring some much needed hope into our lives.
The first 12 weeks were difficult emotionally, I'm 23 weeks now and I'm feeling better, seeing the baby on the scan, feeling him kicking about all the time. I've also bought a couple of things for him , we've also chosen a name. All these little things helped.
You'll be ok. X

Shellster52 Tue 03-Nov-15 04:42:53

Geepers Maurice, I didn't realise that such tragic circumstances surrounded the situation of you going down the IVF route. A lot of people seem to just suffer secondary infertility and either just got lucky with their first (like us who have sperm issues but DH must have produced one good sperm to get our son but then didn't get lucky in 4 years of trying for a second), or others who have no medical explanation for their inability to conceive again and then choose to go down the IVF route. So I wasn't expecting your story and now feel bad for prying. But I must say, that after reading your story, my initial reaction was that I certainly can't complain about my circumstances so I do thank you for sharing and helping me see things objectively.

Maurice169 Tue 03-Nov-15 09:23:14

No , you weren't prying. Everyone's situation is different. I hope it all works out for you?!.

Jem01 Tue 03-Nov-15 13:05:28

Thanks Shellster yes it was our first IVF cycle so we are incredibly lucky. It's still early days for us so we're just taking each day step by step.

3 years is a really long time. I'm not usually a jealous person but when friends and family are able to fall pregnant so easily and your struggling to just have just one child it can be heartbreaking. So I do emphasise with you completely.

BlueKarou Tue 03-Nov-15 15:26:21

Lovely to see you on this board, Shell and you too, Cat. I was on IVF thread 3 with you and the others, until I graduated. Have changed name since then, a fresh moniker after the whole hacking drama, so very rarely post as Karou anymore.

I'm 25 weeks today, so only a little way in front of you. This is my first ever pregnancy; I was incredibly lucky to have had a success with my first IVF attempt, and am going it alone so there wasn't any trying/failing with a partner beforehand. So I can't really comment on the difference in feeling between this and any other sort of pregnancy. I do silently find it amusing when colleagues/people I don't know so well ask if it was planned. Yes; it was planned to the nth degree from months before the stick-peeing moment. There was injection after injection, and pessary after damned pessary, and the oddest sensation of knowing I was pregnant from day one (or, well, day 5 as it was a day 5 transfer!) So I suppose I must feel different to someone like my best friend who found out she was unexpectedly pregnant at 17 weeks and so had a whole bundle of different things to go through.

You must have your 20 week scan coming up soon, if you're not already had it. I found that helped a lot in terms of making me believe it's really happened - the sonographer was pointing out kidneys and bladder and brain and limbs and a face, and all the time she kept going back past that beating heart, it was quite something to see. Even now that I'm feeling more regular kicks I still have moments where it's not all sunk in and I just feel fat. It doesn't help that I lost a lot of weight before the IVF, and so am just creeping back towards that point on the scales, so the bump doesn't seem unusual as I've been this round before.

Shellster52 Wed 04-Nov-15 00:36:26

I totally understand your feeling cautious Jem with it being early days. Yes, you are lucky that it worked first IVF. Although I feel lucky that it worked even though it was my 11th IVF - I guess I just feel more lucky because it really seemed like it would not happen. Then I find it bizarre that we call ourselves 'lucky' when we've struggled for years and others get pregnant at the drop of a hat! I guess we are just grateful and will appreciate our babies so much more than others who will be complaining about the 2am feeds.

Lovely to hear from you too Blue. Yes I remember you from the thread and I've finally graduated from there too (only took 11 IVFs!). And yep, my 20 week scan is this Friday. I was getting a bit nervous about it as I still expect something to go wrong since all I've known is failure after failure. But I went for a doctors appointment last week and she put a device on my stomach and I heard the heartbeat so I knew it was still alive and that's helped allay my fears about the upcoming scan. But like you, even though I've seen it twice on ultrasound and heard the heartbeat again last week which has stopped me feeling nervous, it still hasn't quite sunk in for me either. I was so strict with my dieting while doing IVF which I have relaxed on now so for me too, it just seems like some extra fat rather than baby weight. I don't know when you started feeling regular kicks, but I still don't feel much so I'm waiting for that as a regular reminder that it is real. If I remember rightly, you were doing a very generous thing of donating half your eggs. Did you find out if anything progressed with them or is all that info confidential?

CaptainKit Wed 04-Nov-15 18:31:42

I can't imagine not feeling nervous until baby's actually born... or turns 18!

My first kicks were about week 22 or 23, but these past couple of days I think baby's turned around as the kicks are lighter - so it's quite likely they're kicking toward my back, where I can't feel it as much. What was proper kicks has slimmed down to little nudges in my side every now and then. The guidance says not to really focus on kicks until 28 weeks, but that's easier said than done.

It's easy to see why expectant mothers buy those DIY doppler things to listen to the heartbeat at home, although I hear they're prone to user error - not positioning it right and panicking that there's no heartbeat, or somehow picking up the mother's heartbeat instead, so I don't think I'll get one.

I did indeed donate half of my eggs. I'm not allowed to know anything for the first year, and after that I would have to contact the HFEA to find out; they won't automatically tell me. I think they can tell me whether or not a baby was born, and that's all I get to know, and I think it's all I'll want to know. My kid will get to know more, when they're old enough, and only if they want to. For now I'm opting for believing she/they got at least one fertilised embryo out of it, and are eagerly looking forward to Feb/March next year and having their baby.

Cheesypop Wed 04-Nov-15 18:54:40

I'm nearly 27 weeks pregnant after ICSI, also my first pregnancy as we will never naturally conceive. So far everything about the pregnancy has surprised me! I've felt better than I expected physically and emotionally. I thought I would be a wreck, and I've had some low points, but in general I am pretty chilled and happy and just trying to enjoy the pregnancy experience for what it is without worrying constantly.

I'm also able to forget or ignore that this was an IVF pregnancy much of the time, especially from 13/20 week scans onwards. Not that I want to forget exactly, but it doesn't dominate the pregnancy as much as I thought it would, I think because everything is now just proceeding as a natural pregnancy would.

I've had some shocking lows towards the start - on the day I found out I was pregnant someone close to me said something utterly hideous about IVF. It was earth shattering to hear at that moment and I can't and won't forget it. I've also not been to church since I became pregnant. I'm struggling a great deal with the church's stance on IVF and processing that is a work in progress. I'm also quite hypersensitive to IVF in the news or even just discussed generally at work (I work in healthcare) and I'm terrified someone is going to say something negative. It's a bit daft but I feel really 'precious' about it rather than just being confident in it being a wonderful thing.

I've had my moments of wondering if the baby will be 'normal' as well. Stupid I know! But I love the baby so much already and just cannot wait to meet him or her. I feel I've known them from the moment they were created and that is incredibly special. I also think about my 3 frozen embryos and how much I love them too blush

I do feel sad that we'll miss out on the wonder of natural conception, but I am so, so happy and grateful that the ICSI worked and I just cannot wait to meet our desperately longed for baby. I know babies are loved and cherished however conceived but when I think of what IVF parents have been through to get there it blows me away. My heart also breaks for those for whom it hasn't worked. flowers

Shellster52 Thu 05-Nov-15 02:37:35

Okay,, so week 22 - 23 Captain/Blue until I feel the kicks. Not long then since I'm 20 this Saturday. But I know of someone who had their baby very prem at 24 weeks and it was only about the size of a barbie doll, so I can see how something that size would not kick very strongly and that any movements at that size would probably be done while still floating around in the amniotic fluid, rather than when it is larger and squished up against the edge of the uterus. So I can see why the guidance says 28 weeks - but won't stop me paying attention for them sooner! That is nice that your child will get to know more when they are old enough, if they choose too. I assume the same rules apply for the recipients. What a beautiful, loving gesture of you to do that and to be happily thinking of another couple having the joy of expecting. Truly an amazing gesture.

cheesy, that sounds awful hearing a hideous comment about IVF, on the day you found out you were pregnant of all things. And if the church you attend has a stance against IVF as well, I can see how you are very sensitive to IVF news or conversations for fear they will have a negative spin on them. Yes, it's definitely not the wonders of natural conception - instead of candles and lingerie, it's injections and hospital gowns. But like you, I feel that us IVF parents are so very, very grateful to have our little ones and as I already have one child, I meet other mums and hear them complain about their kids and how they need a holiday, and I just don't feel that way.

I still find I harbor resentment/jealousy towards those that conceive easily, and there are a few in hubbys family who are either not working and reproducing and expecting us tax payers to fund their children, or are having affairs and it just fills me with so much resentment to the point that I try to avoid contact with them. I thought it would all disappear once I had IVF success but it has not. So the feelings I was talking about when I started this thread is more towards other pregnancies rather than our own feelings and fears about our personal pregnancy because it was IVF. But no one else seems to be making such comments so it seems to be just me that can't let go of this.

CaptainKit Thu 05-Nov-15 12:32:22

Ha, well that shows how crap I am with managing name changes!

Sorry that it's not easier for you, Cheesy, now you're into the middle of your pregnancy. It's a real shame that your church hold that position; ideally your faith should be a support to you as you go through this. The hypersensitivity sounds very familiar - There was all that stuff on the news about the '3-parent' babies when I was having the treatment, and since I've seen stories about egg freezing, single mothers through sperm donation, and a host of other baby-related or IVF-related things that were quite possibly there before, but are really sticking out now. Last Saturday I noticed two people going door to door in my neighbourhood with clipboards and thought I recognised them as the Jehovah's Witnesses who often do the rounds. I don't have any problems with other people having religious beliefs, but a small part of me was hoping they came to my door so I could challenge them on what their faith thought of single women getting pregnant through IVF. It was probably for the best that they didn't come to my house! I do like an argument for the sake of an argument sometimes.

Shellster, I think given how long its taken you to get here (and, presumably, how much it's taken from you financially and emotionally) you've got some justification in feeling anger towards people who seemingly have had it handed to them on a plate. I haven't really felt it in huge amounts, but that's likely because I work with mostly men, and am at least 10 years younger than everyone in my office, so haven't really had other peoples' fertility flaunted in my face. My siblings are both younger than me, and neither have showed any intention of starting a family any time soon. So I have mostly been in a safe bubble; spared from facing any pregnancy announcements, apart from a few long-distant acquaintances on FB, and they're just words on a screen so I could turn them off or distract myself. My one real wobble was about this time last year - My best friend is my cousin, and so the announcement that her younger sister was pregnant with her first was a big deal for the family. I knew that she and her partner were planning to try for a baby, but in my head I had decided that I'd get through my treatment first and so 'win' the pregnancy race. I then found out a couple of months later that said best friend was also pregnant with her third, unplannedly, which probably should have upset me, but didn't because she needed me as a sounding board whilst she was processing things, so I went into friend-mode, and then my treatment all started in the month or so before those two babies were born, so I was wrapped up in my own stuff. I think if it hadn't worked then I'd have struggled a lot. My mother did ask if I wanted to pop in and see the first of those two babies after she'd driven me up for my egg retrieval, and I said no; because I didn't want to face a newborn whilst I was pumped full of hormones and had just left all my eggs (and hopes) in a petri dish in a lab. I didn't meet that baby until I was definitely pregnant.

Shellster52 Sat 07-Nov-15 00:47:05

Captain, I'm so glad for you that you didn't have too many other pregnancies around you to deal with, and that by the time the two you were familiar with were born, your treatment was underway - and you had success soon after. I guess I just felt it a bit more because I had 10 failures before success and so was really falling into a black hole feeling like it really wouldn't work ever.

Glad you didn't end up getting yourself all worked up into an argument about single women and IVF. I think you would only end up more upset than anything else. Actually, for me personally, people with religious beliefs are entitled to believe in no sex before marriage (although I don't know if no IVF before marriage mitigates that?!?!) if that is what they want to practice. One of hubbys brothers was going out with a girl and making a huge point to everybody about how they are going to church and not having sex, and then because I worked at a medical centre and got free pregnancy tests, came to me in secret and asked to borrow one. That really irritated me, topped off by the fact that he wasn't working and I was supporting him and any child he chose to raise - they then went on to have two children while I went through 10 IVF cycles. I could write a novel about the sagas in his family, but basically there were a few people like this who were getting knocked up left right and centre and it was these people in particular that did my head in. There were also other pregnancy announcements from people in a position to raise a child in a loving environment and while I felt sad that it was another pregnancy in my face, I didn't harbor the same resentment. Okay, rant over! 20 week scan yesterday showed all is well so I must just forget those people and focus on my little bub.

Thanks for listening!

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