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Worried about dates....

(3 Posts)
Everythinggettingbigger Thu 29-Oct-15 09:18:32

I'm around 9 weeks with my second, while I was 4 and a half months with my first, my sister who was 27 weeks had an eclamptic fit and lost her little girl (although she was showing all the signs of pre-eclampsia nobody picked up on it) she was born on 5th June weighing 1lb 2 oz, and my sister came close to losing her life too. It was the most horrific time and every year when that date comes round we still get together and celebrate what would have this year, been her 5th birthday. My sister has since gone on to have 2 boys but is desperate for a girl.

without this sounding selfish because obviously my sister is a massive part of my life and my best friend, I didn't get to enjoy my first pregnancy, it was full of worry, and trying not to upset my sister, (who by the way was amazing I don't know how she carried on the way she did).

My dates this time are coming out with a due date of 31st May, (I had a scan at what I would have said was 5+4....too early to date properly but guessed by sonographer at between 5 and 6 weeks) but will not be confirmed as exact dates until I have my 12 week scan. My mum said to me last night, is there anything I can do to ensure I don't have the baby on the 5th June (was 5 days over with DS1), this hadn't even crossed my mind but the more I think about it the more I feel sick about, especially if this baby is a girl, all I have felt is dread since our conversation, I feel its a bit selfish (probably not the right word but can't think what to use) to put that pressure on me, considering my first pregnancy wasn't enjoyable either, (when I called my family to tell them we were expecting a boy all their reactions were "thank god for that", what would have happened if it was a girl?) and now I feel like there's immense pressure on this pregnancy now too.

I don't want my baby to be born on that date either (it will always be my nieces birthday too, a day of sadness we will never forget) , is this something the midwives would take into account? I realise it's one day in many my baby could be born, but its still a possibility.

Solongtoshort Thu 29-Oct-15 09:44:35

Hi everything, I feel for you and your sister. I think you should speak to your mum about the comments as you should be allowed to enjoy your pregnancy and you need to nip them in the bud as there maybe more as your pregnancy goes on, which wouldn't be fair to you. You sound like a lovely lovely caring sister. Your family should realise whatever gender or date the baby comes is out of your control. This might make June become a happier month.

My sister gave birth 6 weeks early on the due date of my second misscarriages this year, I was 16 weeks by then with my current pregnancy. I was dreading the date took time of work and needed to be alone. My mum came and told me the next day, my sister wanted to give my neice the middle name of what my baby would of been if it was a girl but I felt this was unfair to my neice and my sister. I am not going to pretend I wasn't upset, but I learnt to deal with it and I have a beautiful neice who I couldn't fail to fall in love with.

I hope all goes well, take care.

5hell Thu 29-Oct-15 10:56:24

it's lovely that you and your family have been so supportive of your sister, and that your neice is remembered - especially on her birthday, but it does seem a little unfair and unfortunate that they are (presumeably inadvertently) giving you extra worries.

Do you think your mum is trying to protect your sister from any potential hurt/upset and it's just not coming across well?

How does your sister herself feel about your pregnancy? Perhaps you could talk to her 1:1 and gently express your awareness/cencerns about dates, gender etc?

On a practical note, it would be extremely unlikely that you will give birth on the 5th even if it was your due date, but realistically difficult to do anything about it. I suppose the only possible option would be to have a elective cs on a different date, but that seems a slightly extreme reaction.

Best of luck flowers

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