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Pushy parent advice welcome

(14 Posts)
MG35 Tue 20-Oct-15 17:26:23

Hi all I'm nearly 10 weeks and had an early private scan at 8 weeks as I had an MC in May (at 5+4) and could not wait until November for the 12 week scan.

Anyway when I went for the scan to confirm the MC I said to my mum me and Dh want to go on our own. She turned up at the scan anyway.

We invited both mums for the 8 week scan two weeks ago to make them feel part of it.

I now have my 12 week scan date and dear mother is stating she is coming. I have said just me and Dh want to go. She's insisting that she should come as she didn't see much at the 8 week scan.

My point is I said I just want us to go and have our moment. How do I do this without causing upset?

pinkprimroses Tue 20-Oct-15 17:28:17

I'm sure I was told not to bring more than one other person with me to mine. So you could use that as an excuse. Tell her you'll show her the photo

RandomMess Tue 20-Oct-15 17:29:07

In future don't give her the information of when and where of such things.

Do they really let more than one other adult in the scan room at your place?

I think you are going to have to firm and say "no, that doesn't work for us"

SerenityReynolds Tue 20-Oct-15 17:47:08

You really need to be firm with her and say that this time you would just like to share the experience with your DH. Sorry to say it but if you don't lay down some ground rules for her now, she is only likely to get worse as the pregnancy progresses and when baby arrives.

The hospital that does our scans only allows one other person in the room. That is a good excuse to use. And I agree wholeheartedly with other posters saying just do not give her the appointment info in future.

macdat Tue 20-Oct-15 17:57:53

Nip it in the bud before it gets worse and before the baby comes.

Only1scoop Tue 20-Oct-15 18:02:08

Just tell her that it's just the two of you.

No need for family outing for every scan

Skiptonlass Tue 20-Oct-15 18:08:11

Tell her your hospital allows one other person only

Tell her that it has to be just you and dh - without wanting to be a downer, how would you feel If an issue was found during the scan? You'd be very upset - this isn't a nice jolly baby viewing expedition for your mum, it's a medical screening procedure.

If she wants a nice jolly baby viewing trip, then arrange one of those private baby view scans after you've had your screening results.

Also, you need to get boundaries down now. If she's trying to crash your scans I think you can expect more shenanigans like this - a bit of it ting your foot down now will save you from one of those "mother wants to be in the delivery room " threads in a few months time.

MrsBartlettforthewin Tue 20-Oct-15 18:22:21

Tell her no. And repeat until it sinks in. Then in future don't tell her anything about appointments etc. Have you told her your EDD yet? If not completely fudge it otherwise she will be camped outside your house waiting for you to leave for the hospital in 6 months time.

Also when you do go into labour don't let anyone know you are at the hospital until all is well or even until you are home again if you don't want visitors on the ward. Otherwise it seems like she will either be bugging the staff ringing up every few minutes for up dates or turning up next to you holding a leg as you bare down.

Kelly3452 Tue 20-Oct-15 18:39:59

Just say no.. Upset or not she'll get over it! My mil turned up to our gender scan too which i wasnt happy about! I was already up on the bed when she knocked on the door! The lady doing the scan asked me if i was ok with her coming in infront of her so i couldnt say no! So she found out the gender with us! In future i will not be telling anyone when our scans are!

ServingSuggestion Tue 20-Oct-15 18:45:16

Agree with pp who said you need to nip this in the bud now. Outrageous behaviour - it's a medical appointment and she's turning up without your consent?! Fuck that.

You've already been through the heartache of a mc (so have I - unMN hug from me) and she should respect your need to deal with this as an adult with your DH.

Hope you have a happy and healthy scan and pregnancy thanks

Dixiechick17 Tue 20-Oct-15 18:58:49

My hospital only allowed one other person with me at scans.

My mum was great about it, we paid to have a private scan to find out the sex and took my parents along to that, was a lovely moment and completely our choice.

You need to put your foot down and remind her that this is about you and your DH and not her.

KatharinaRosalie Tue 20-Oct-15 19:27:18

you have said you don't want her there - she has said she is coming anyway. Does that sound like she cares about your feelings?
So no need to pussyfoot around hers. Nip this in the bud and make it clear that it's YOUR baby and whatever you say, goes. Otherwise, next thing you know she will set up a nursery at her place, insist on being at the birth and have baby overnight the first week..

ValancyJane Tue 20-Oct-15 19:45:55

Just tell her no, say the hospital only allows one person (true at most). If she turns up, tell her to get out.

Do tell her she's very welcome to pay for a private scan though!!

MG35 Tue 20-Oct-15 20:16:38

Thanks for all the advice I will start as I mean to go on now thanks for the wise words. Very helpful xx

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