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A question for donor egg IVF ladies

(11 Posts)
Maurice169 Thu 15-Oct-15 19:14:06

Hi
I'm 46 and half way through my donor egg IVF pregnancy. Thankfully it's all going well so far.
Right from the start of our journey we decided we would be open and honest to our child about how he came to be. My 9 year old daughter and I have made up a little story about the adventure we went on to have him.
I've read different articles online from donor egg children and it seems the ones who were told from an early age don't seem to have any problems compared with the ones who found out much later.
I just wonder what everyone is planning to do? Are you planning on telling your child, if so what age? Thanks X

Madelinehatter Thu 15-Oct-15 21:05:05

I am interested in any replies. My cousin had a child by donor IVF, said child is now 13 and she knows nothing of her origins! cousin and her DH aren't going to tell her.

I think it's appalling. Everyone else in the family knows, except the child.

Maurice169 Thu 15-Oct-15 21:30:12

Wow that's such a shame. I wonder how she'll react when she does find out, especially knowing that everyone else new all along. It's this situation I really want to avoid. My 9 year old daughter (my genetic) is very curious about how she came to be and I'm being as open and honest as I can. I've asked her how she would feel if she was a donor egg baby, she said she would definitely want to know and no surprises.

RNBrie Thu 15-Oct-15 21:37:59

I donated eggs so coming at this from the other side but we have already told my three year old about it and how there is a little girl somewhere who mummy helped make. She's largely disinterested at the moment but we don't want it to ever come as a shock to her. We have no idea if we'll ever have contact with the recipient or her family but I'd like us to be prepared should it ever happen.

Maurice169 Fri 16-Oct-15 07:39:51

Hi Rnbrie
That's such an amazing and generous thing for you to do. I'm thinking the same thing really, in letting the children know from an early age. Like you say from either side. X

CaptainKit Fri 16-Oct-15 12:33:01

Not really the same situation here, but will be going through similar processes in terms of deciding what to tell a donor-conceived child. I'm currently pregnant (22 weeks) after using donor sperm, as I was having IVF I also donated eggs, so my baby's going to have the potential for sharing genetics with other kids both from the sperm donor's side of things - his sperm could be used by up to 9 other families and potentially for multiple children, and from any child(ren) born as a result of my egg sharing.

It's a fairly easy decision for me - unless anything weird and Hollywood romance-esque happens in the next few years (unlikely!) then baby'll grow up with just the one parent, so there won't be the opportunity for them to think they're from a typical family situation. But regardless I plan on being age-appropriately honest ideally from before the parentage questions come up, and also making sure to mention about the egg doning as it's going to be something they'll need to be aware of once they're older, so might as well make it easier for them by making it a normal thing whilst they're young.

twolittleboysonetiredmum Sat 17-Oct-15 13:07:08

I hope this doesn't divert the thread too much but I've been pondering this myself. I donated eggs approx 10 years ago which to my knowledge resulted in at least 2 chn. I now have 2 of my own with one on the way and not sure how to include it as part of our conversations! Eldest is 3.5 so obviously still young, but like you all say, I want it just to be a normal thing they know about rather than a big reveal in years to come. How would you go about introducing the idea of it? At what age?

stoppingbywoods Sat 17-Oct-15 14:07:35

I have a baby boy and plan to tell him as soon as he's old enough to understand the simplest concept I can boil it down to.

RNBrie Sat 17-Oct-15 22:17:49

twolittleboys we were advised to bring it up in relation to eggs and chickens or to birds' nests - that sometimes eggs don't work very well and that mummies that have eggs that work really well can give them to mummies whose eggs don't work as well.

We spiralled into a surreal conversation about other bits you can donate (mummy, what happens if your fingernails don't work well, or your hair, or your tongue...) but she's only three!! We'll talk about it every so often when it comes up!!

Also - do you know if you donated prior to April 2005?? If it was earlier than that then it would be an anonymous donation which lowers the chance of them finding you. You can apply to the hfea to find out how many children were born, their sex and the year they were born in.

twolittleboysonetiredmum Sun 18-Oct-15 15:47:32

Hi thanks for the replies. Yes I did know that about anonymity and I donated in 2001/3 so am covered by it. I'd probably not bother telling my chn but my mum knows. She has a habit of enjoying telling secrets she knows will upset people and will no doubt drop it in as them having other siblings when they're early teens - just to see what happens. I'd rather get in there first so when it does happen they aren't upset or confused. I really should start bringing it up with endear occasionally - I like the chicken egg idea thank you.

alockie Mon 09-Nov-15 14:59:41

My friend has decided to tell her ds when they are 18, not earlier, they are 15 and 13 now.

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