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Is anybody else finding this hard?

(24 Posts)
1wokeuplikethis Tue 06-Oct-15 11:19:10

I'm 24wks into my second pregnancy and it basically seems taboo to say 'I don't like being pregnant' and I feel compelled, before going any further, to make it clear how desired and loved this baby already is and how grateful I am to my fertility and how blessed I feel to be able to procreate as I wish.

It's just that I hate pregnancy and find it mentally and physically exhausting.

My back hurts
I have SPD
I can't get comfortable ever, especially at work
Weight gain: I stopped my 20 a day habit and also love food and this has made me zoom from size 12 to 16 already
All clothes bar maternity leggings are uncomfortable.
My nose is swollen and massive
My face is puffy
I have awful varicose veins
I have painful piles.
Both shoulders hurt really badly from not sleeping on my back
Spots: I have bacne.
My nipples are insanely sensitive and hurt in the shower.

I seem to be behaving irrationally according to my close family, as such, I currently don't trust my instincts at all. If I feel sad, angry, frustrated or tearful my first response is 'you shouldn't really feel like that, it's just your hormones'. It is incredibly draining to be constantly second guessing myself and my confidence is at an all-time low. I have to rely on my husband to tell me if what I feel is 'right'. Which is terrifying. He is definitely not always right and I'm sure sometimes my emotions are correct.
Sleepless nights: makes the days so hard
Mum guilt: being unable to play with my toddler because I am so exhausted
Irritability and lack of patience with everyone/thing
Paranoia seems to be a new one and I don't think anybody likes me.

I'm not sure if I've got depression or if these hormones just do not agree with me. I felt exactly the same in my first pregnancy and for the 18 months afterwards when I was breast feeding.

So, please do let me know if I'm not alone in feeling this way? If nobody agrees with me or thinks I do sound depressed I am going to the doctors. I can't trust myself to gauge if it's depression.

I definitely love my growing baby. I definitely don't want any more children!!

Rhiannon2015 Tue 06-Oct-15 12:58:45

Aaw hope you are ok. I'm 25 weeks and excited but at the same time get those feelings. Back pain a lot! Also i have anxiety and some days i feel like its all a bit much, but on good days i feel a lot better. Just depends how i rationalise feelings. You sound very anxious. Maybe you could take a mini relaxing holiday soon or do something relaxing to take your mind off things. Would you feel this way if you didn't have to work? I find all my symptoms are exaggerated whenever I am in work! Just to be clear, i am ecitrd about having my baby, excited and nervous!! Lol. Really hope u feel better. Xx

Metalhead Tue 06-Oct-15 14:35:25

I don't think you're depressed, and you're definitely not alone - I'm 31 weeks with DD2, who took nearly 2 years and a mc to conceive, but I absolutely hate being pregnant and cannot wait for it to be over!

I didn't much enjoy my first pregnancy despite pretty much breezing through it after the first trimester; this time I'm struggling even more as I've had really bad nausea for much longer, constant headaches and exhaustion, backache, coccyx pain, constipation, piles, stuffy nose, breathlessness... I really don't see how anyone could put up with all this for nine months and not get a bit down about feeling crap all the time!

Just grit your teeth and plod on, it will all be over soon and then we'll never have to do it again smile.

MaisieDotes Tue 06-Oct-15 14:43:48

I think everything you're feeling is normal. Especially since it's not your first pregnancy and you have a toddler to look after.

I'm 24 weeks tomorrow with my third baby and honestly I just see it as an endurance test. I have it broken down into blocks of time to make it more manageable. So I'm thinking things like, ok in three weeks I'll be in the third trimester. Then just get through November. Then December will be busy with Xmas coming up. Then after Xmas I'll be in the month of my due date etc etc.

I have lots of the issues you have listed above and a few others (vaginal prolapse anyone?) None of this moaning has anything to do with how lucky I feel to be having another baby and how very much wanted this baby is. It's purely just a warts and all admission of how difficult pregnancy can be, especially when you have other DCs.

Miffyonline Tue 06-Oct-15 15:02:29

For me pregnancy is definitely a means to an end. I love the fact I'm having a baby and find my body very clever for growing a little person inside, but I hate being pregnant! I really don't find it much fun being exhausted all the time...

mummyneedinganswers Tue 06-Oct-15 16:04:41

I've had 4 miscarriages before this and now at 32 weeks I will openly admit I do not like being pregnant although I wouldn't change a thing and can't wait for my baby to come. Some people's pregnancies are relatively straight forward and others aren't. I don't think it's selfish to say that your aren't enjoying being pregnant and it doesn't mean your depressed

bluishskies Tue 06-Oct-15 16:10:10

You are definitely not alone. I'll be 27 weeks tomorrow with twins and I have a toddler all thanks to IVF. Although my first pregnancy was very easy from start to finish, like a pp I saw it as a means to an end. It didn't change the fact that I desperately wanted the baby and I bonded with her immediately. This time around, I'm counting down the days until my ELCS. I don't have a set date yet but it'll be around 37 weeks so 71 days left! I can't bloody wait.

Reebok Tue 06-Oct-15 17:18:41

You're definitely not alone in how you're feeling. This is my second pregnancy and I'm only 10 weeks along but I hate it as I suffer from hyperemesis. Have had 2 mc (one in July) so I feel quite guilty. I hated pregnancy when I was pregnant with dd too as I suffered from hyperemesis then as well. It's a pity men can't be the ones to carry babies!! This is seriously the most difficult thing I've had to do...

PurplePoppy17 Tue 06-Oct-15 17:25:49

I'm only 12 weeks and I'm really struggling already. I'm suffering badly with migraines which are basically ruining my working routines and knocking me for 6 every couple of days. I'm emotionally done but I am also so excited for the baby, I will be 24 weeks at Christmas time and I'm scared of what it's going to bring. I don't want it to ruin my Christmas :-/
P.s I hope things get better for you soon x

MrsP777x Tue 06-Oct-15 17:26:04

Will reply to this a bit later when I get 5 mins... Got to start the dinner and try keep ds amused at same time. Xx

MissEeerie Tue 06-Oct-15 17:35:38

I'm 18 weeks and really struggling. I cried today just from how painful the school run is. I can't remember my first pregnancy being this bad!

Whoknewitcouldbeso Tue 06-Oct-15 17:54:20

OMG Metal it's mad to see your name on here, I haven't seen you around for ages. Congratulations for getting to 31 weeks grin (it's Sebs btw xxx).

Ladypug Tue 06-Oct-15 17:57:36

Same here - almost 38 weeks and struggling now tbh. Want it to be over!

1wokeuplikethis Tue 06-Oct-15 18:21:44

Ok thanks everyone you have all definitely made me feel better, certainly less alone and ungrateful.

It's not the done thing in today's society to whinge and moan, with social media helping to show only the positive happy sides of everyone. No wonder I feel guilty for moaning.

Thank you. And I hope all of your pregnancies are as painless and least-draining as possible.

Metalhead Tue 06-Oct-15 19:14:01

Hi Whoknew, I was just thinking of you the other day! How are you getting on? I take it you're also having a successful pregnancy this time...? (Sorry to hijack thread slightly)

MrsP777x Tue 06-Oct-15 19:23:38

Me again smile been thinking about your post and can now reply properly without distractions as long as DH stops talking to me

I'm 32+2 and I've been off work since July due to sciatica and SPD. DH calls it the swollen pony, idiot.
Like you ive been struggling big time with this pregnancy. I've had enough with it, feel so fed up, tired, lonely, in a lot of pain and discomfort. Every day I have to get through without my dh being at home to help with my ds feels like forever and I find myself clock watching which obviously doesn't help. I had to come off my anxiety medication for the sake of the pregnancy and my god don't I know the difference without them!

What support network do you have to help you? Do you have family/friends that can help? My dh had to take a week off to be with me to help as I thought I was going insane. It's hotrendous and I can safely say this is my last child. I'm so grateful to be able to carry and have children but fuck does it drain you! Every aspect of your life is changed and seems to be made harder, the last trimester seems to go so slowly too.

I really hope you somehow find the strength and wish you all the best. I'd you want to talk I'm always willing to listen xx

dotladotla Tue 06-Oct-15 19:40:11

I'm 40 weeks tomorrow and have really not enjoyed being pregnant, emotionally or physically. It does annoy me how the subject is so taboo- a close friend admitted to me last month that she didn't enjoy it but said she hadn't wanted to say in case it put any of us off!
There have been days when I have felt really low and irrational then days when I go for a long walk and feel better. It's getting myself out and about that is the obstacle. Does your partner know how you feel? Talking to him at a time when you feel calm might help, it has helped me.
Sending you positive thoughts X

KatyN Tue 06-Oct-15 21:07:20

I don't think what you are feeling is not normal, but at the same time if you are concerned you could talk to your gp. Mine have been really supportive during my pregnancy which I'm finding really hard.
It is so strange the second time round. So much mor to do with your other child, the guilt etc and just generally no one is quit as excited.

Me? if I could make the appointment to be sterilised now I would. nEvEr doing this again!


Whoknewitcouldbeso Tue 06-Oct-15 21:37:35

Unbelievably I'm 22 weeks!! Still don't think it's going to end happily as I've just had too much trauma but I'm taking it day by day and hoping for the best.

So pleased everything is going well for you. I've had more discomfort this pregnancy as I have a low lying placenta and a fibroid right over my cervix so I felt as though everything was going to fall out. It was horrible. Had my cervix length checked and everything was fine thankfully. The last week has been pretty good so I'm just hoping everything moves out the way as the uterus expands and I can have a normal VBAC.

Brummiegirl15 Tue 06-Oct-15 21:56:17

I know exactly how you feel. And same as Mummyneedinganswers I've had mcs - 3 before this one and I'm hating being pregnant. I'm bloody terrified and it's a means to an end

I'm 23 weeks and I'm counting down the days. I know I should "enjoy" it but I can't.

Even having a c section because too scared of things going wrong.

Big hugs

MidnightRun Tue 06-Oct-15 22:40:46

Here!! I am the same!! 20 weeks and last week I had a horrendous sickness and diarrhoea bug, now I'm lying in bed with the worst cold ever. My morning sickness only stopped a couple of weeks ago and I ache all day everywhere.. And don't get me started on the acne! But every time I look at my growing bump or feel a wee kick i melt! It's worth it in the end!

Flambola Wed 07-Oct-15 06:19:37

I hated pregnancy the first time round. Then I had a stillbirth. now I'm pregnant again and I really fucking hate it.

Metalhead Wed 07-Oct-15 09:36:51

That's fantastic whoknew, so happy for you! I had the same feelings for a long time, probably only started to relax a bit more around 24 weeks once movements had become a bit more regular. I still occasionally worry now that something might go wrong, but it has calmed down a lot.

I can only imagine how hard it must be for you flambola, I hope everything goes smoothly for you this time. flowers

fourlegstwolegs Wed 07-Oct-15 17:24:05

Me too. I feel guilty for not liking being pregnant but I just don't. I also suffer from back pain, hip pain, sore boobs, tiredness (my hips hurt so much at night I can't sleep properly), grumpiness etc - not to mention the restrictions on lifestyle....
It's a means to a beautiful end!

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