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Tips on enjoying pregnancy?

(22 Posts)
rageagainsttheBIL Sun 27-Sep-15 20:16:29

I'm 16 weeks and while I no longer feel sicksick and have a bit more energy which is good, I'm just not enjoying this pregnancy at all and actually feel quite low despite this being a much wanted baby.

I had a MMC earlier in the year which I know is a big factor in this but I wondered if people had any tips on how I can feel happier, more connected to the baby and actually start to look forward to things instead of mix of denial and dread I'm currently experiencing...

I'm thinking maybe buying baby things, preparing stuff, some kind of mindfulness around the baby or going to a pregnancy class? Has anyone had experience of this sort of thing?

This is probably my last pregnancy assuming it all works out and I hate the thought of spending it miserably.

mummyneedinganswers Sun 27-Sep-15 20:23:01

I'm not enjoying pregnancy either I've had HG and GD and just feel utterly shit. I'm 31 weeks and still openly admit I don't enjoy being pregnant although it doesn't mean I don't want her or love her. Some people get bit easy others don't

Artandco Sun 27-Sep-15 20:23:41

Buy a large box of ferrero rochero

NoArmaniNoPunani Sun 27-Sep-15 20:25:59

I'm not enjoying pregnancy either, had sickness up until 22 weeks. I'm 27 weeks now. It gets much better when you start feeling movement, that's the only bit I like.

Wishful80smontage Sun 27-Sep-15 20:26:13

Can I join the club please? With dd I enjoyed pregnancy for the most part bar morning sickness.
This time I'm really struggling- I'm so tired, gained a ridiculous amount of weight and generally feel like a bag of crap sad 11 weeks to go

rageagainsttheBIL Sun 27-Sep-15 20:29:44

At least I know I'm not alone! Funnily enough I had ferrero rocher earlier ;)

This time I just feel fat and unfit and old and... Unwell, I guess.

I want to feel excited and motivated, and happy, dammit!

Sighing Sun 27-Sep-15 20:47:53

I need to join. I'm 18 weeks. Also very much my last 'go' as I've just turned 40 and had 3 consecutive mc before this pregnancy. Right now I feel huge, useless (job issues), old (40), desperately unable to dare to be excited. To scared of risk to indulge and unable to articulate any of that in RL. I've taken myself up to bed on the pretence of tiredness. Just so I can be miserable about all dorts of things. It's crsp. I also have the guilt that this isn't the attitude I should have when we want this baby so very much.

rageagainsttheBIL Sun 27-Sep-15 21:22:54

So sorry to hear about your MC sighing. You describe how I feel very well. I'm also not having a great time at work. Do you have any children already?

I wonder if CBT might help us...?

Sighing Sun 27-Sep-15 21:34:24

I do have two. I've remarried. I am also very scared today about how I will ever parent older children and a baby (husband works away most of the time).
CBT probably no good for me (I struggle to be anything other than I should with professionals), but I know a lot of friends have found it beneficial during different experiences. If you can be honest with the counsellor I think it would be a great step.

carbolicsoaprocked Sun 27-Sep-15 22:55:19

I also had a miscarriage and when I got pg again I was certain I would miscarry again. In my first pregnancy I never imagined that I would miscarry - I thought that happened to 'other people'. But during my 2nd pregnancy I never believed I would reach 40 weeks or have a baby. It then felt like it was becoming a parent that happened to 'other people'. It got easier and I gained more confidence with every week. After the first scan I realised that we had a chance of a happy ending. I felt I needed to protect myself in case it happened again but realised that if I miscarried again I'd still be distraught whether I had gone shopping for little clothes, tried out travel systems, thought about names or not. There was no way to protect myself from the pain of miscarriage so I decided to stuff it and try my best to be excited. I started to actively try to build a bond with baby, so each night before I went to bed I massaged oil into my bump, it was like giving the baby a massage. It was quiet time spent with my baby when I thought about the future and relaxed. I had felt guilty about trying to protect myself and therefore trying to distance myself from my baby, so giving him a massage every night helped. I would recommend this for anyone, even people who hadn't had a miscarriage. I disregarded other peoples' advice on MN about not buying things too early and when I saw something cute and wanted to buy it I bought it, even if it was 'too early'. I also bought gorgeous maternity stuff and took pictures of my growing bump, and spent ages looking at it in the mirror. I stroked my bump and when I put my feet up at night I put my hands round the bottom of it, like I was holding my baby. Basically I just let go and went full-throttle into preggo-mania. I did all the preggo things I wanted to. It's easier said than done but I think really throwing myself into it helped.

Hypnobirthing and antenatal classes were also enjoyable and a great help during labour. I also met a bunch of mums who I've kept in touch with afterwards - we've all been a massive support to each other. Do you have a local bumps and babies (or similar) group? I found the support from the other mums really useful and it's been fun going through it all together.

I really hope you have the happy ending, I didn't believe I would (even when I was overdue) but I have a lovely healthy DS now. Congratulations on your pregnancy smile

TakesTwoToTango Mon 28-Sep-15 00:16:39

I know it sounds cliched but I suggest gentle exercise. Makes me feel better, more positive and like I'm doing something good for me and baby together. It also gives me a few mins to switch off from other life stuff and focus on me and baby.

rageagainsttheBIL Mon 28-Sep-15 08:57:23

Some good tips there carbolic, thanks - and yy to more exercise too TakesTwo. I struggle with finding the time ATM as I have a toddler and a husband who works long hours plus no family nearby to help. Seriously considering gym creche but not sure you can use it if you are just going swimming there...

Sighing Mon 28-Sep-15 09:38:50

I am doing an aquarobics class. I do feel good in myself after those classes.
It's a start.

Junosmum Mon 28-Sep-15 10:40:54

I'm doing pregnancy yoga. Makes me feel like I'm doing something at least. I just feel a bit down. I should probably do a bit more exercise.

dotladotla Mon 28-Sep-15 12:18:20

I'm currently 9 days away from my due date and I didn't particularly enjoy pregnancy. I felt sick, tired and had a constant rage on (much to my husbands fear/amusement!) until 22 weeks then felt pretty good from 22-30 weeks then big, tired, emotional from 30 weeks.
I found that distracting myself helped-going for walks, meeting friends, going swimming. With the hormones I threw a few things at the (private) office wall in work and my husband was very good at laughing at me when I was being ridiculous which made me laugh in the end.
I found that I had to scoop myself back up after a low day or I'd stay down so I'd treat myself to lunch or buy something off my baby list or look at holidays (that we'll prob never go on but it still did the tricksmile). I felt so guilty not enjoying pregnancy but have now decided that it doesn't make me a bad mum-it's a bloody hard time. I just wish that people were more open about it. My friend said that she never told me beforehand because she thought it would put me off getting pregnant!
There have been low days and good days but I admit that I'm looking forward to a level of normality and sleeping on my tummy again.
For the sickness I kept jacobs crackers in my bedside table & a bottle of water and every morning ate a couple before even contemplating moving. I also kept snackpacks of raisins in the car.
Let yourself nap when you can too.
I'm sure there's more tips that will come back to my baby brain later x

chopsface Mon 28-Sep-15 12:59:04

Great post carbolic :-)

I too have not particularly been enjoying pregnancy up til now. Nausea and sickness until 23 weeks. It's only the last few weeks (I'm now 29 weeks) that I've started feeling better and now more positive and energetic. The house is full of tiny clothes and everything else that is needed for a newborn. We are decorating the nursery this weekend. I've started Aquanatal classes and I'm making the effort to go for a swim or a walk whilst the weather has been sunny :-) Probably in a couple more weeks I'll be big and cumbersome and aching and moaning so I'm making this most of the 'blooming' time I currently have :-)

Tftpoo Mon 28-Sep-15 13:30:38

There are some great ideas on this thread. I am 15 weeks, conceived in the cycle after mmc and totally get what you are saying OP. It feels so hard to let go of the 'what if it happens again' feelings and allow myself to relax and enjoy the pregnancy. I've had three good scans now which helps, but only temporarily until the fear comes back again.

I think what carbolic said is great. I can't do anything that will make the pain any less if I do mc again so I may as well do my best to embrace it and enjoy it now. I am going to start going to an aquanatal class next week and try to get on board with the whole being pregnant thing in a big way, rather than think of everything as somehow jinxing the pregnancy. I've told a few friends now which I think helps, they are so happy for me (happier than I feel myself, weirdly) and their enthusiasm is rubbing off on me a bit I think.

I can't wait until I can feel the baby moving. I know I have an anterior placenta though so it's probably going to be a few weeks yet. We are going to find out the sex at the next scan, I feel like I need to know so I can connect a bit more with this baby and start thinking of it as a real person.

Sighing Mon 28-Sep-15 15:06:25

That's good that your friends have been so excited for you! Perhaps after 20 weeks when we finally 'share' someone's reaction will give me a boost. Hopefully my 2DD will be thrilled (it's why they don't yet know).

cth1982 Mon 28-Sep-15 15:17:18

Ladies - I am so glad I have come across this board because I can totally relate to everything that is being said.

This is my first baby (am currently 27 weeks) and I had a MMC at the beginning of the year. I have not been able to get out of my mind that something awful will happen here as well, firstly it was getting to the first scan, then worried something would have gone wrong before the second scan and now just getting through to the end without anything going wrong (I know two ladies through friends/family that had stillbirths so it is always on my mind).

Everytime I buy something I think I am going to curse myself (currently all the clothes I've bought are hidden away in the Ottoman at home with the tags on and I although we have bought a nursery set I won;t have it delivered until much closer to the due date.)

We are looking at prams and Moses baskets this weekend and again I worry that I am jinxing myself by getting them!

It would be super nice to relax and enjoy everything but I just can't get over the worry of it all - baby is kicking hard enough now that my husband can feel it now and again which is reassuring but still not helping with the underlying worry!

Nousername2015 Mon 28-Sep-15 16:39:09

Another one here very grateful for finding this thread. cth and rage, you have both typed the exact words I would have. I'm wondering if the mmcs are a factor? I had one in March.

23+5 here and still not on board with this pregnancy. Trying to get past the 12 week scan turned into paranoia about mmc by the time the 16 week appointment rolled around, turned into panic that the 20 week scan would show something incompatible with life, which is now feeding a frenzy about all of the other things that still could (although unlikely to) go wrong. I'm desperate to hit 24 weeks, and after that 28 weeks will be another big milestone. Goes without saying I'm wishing the time away.

We have bought a few things but doing so makes me nervous. I didn't tell anyone at work until someone asked and even now I shut down any baby conversations, they think I'm crazy.

I'll definitely be trying some of the tips on here. Wishing you all the best with your pregnancies.

rageagainsttheBIL Wed 30-Sep-15 21:35:39

I'm glad I started this thread, and thank you all for your responses and ideas.

I am going to start swimming at weekends when I can and am going for a pregnancy massage soon.

I don't think it's helped that I don't think I'm feeling any movements and don't really have a bump to speak of.

I am hoping the 20 week scan will help (assuming all is OK!) but have a feeling I'll be the same as you Nouser... I don't think I'll relax until the baby is in my arms (and that's a whole other source of stress ;) )

Sighing Fri 02-Oct-15 21:34:32

Did you start the exercise? How are you feeling this week? I am 19 weeks. This is one of my milestones. The 20 week scan is in almost 2 weeks.
This thread gave me a feeling as though pushing myself into pregnancy activities might be a way forward.
I've ordered some 'I'm going to be a big sister (again)' t-shirts for my girls in anticipation of telling them.
Anyway, thanks for starting the thread. I hope some positive feelings bubble up for you soon. flowers

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