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Pregnant and depressed

(9 Posts)
mellowyellow1 Fri 25-Sep-15 09:25:33

I'm about 10 weeks pregnant, can't feel any excitement about having this baby. All I feel is negativity constantly.

I'm so scared that this is a mistake and I'm not cut out to be a mother. I'm scared I'm going to resent the child and long for my old life.

I had such a great childhood and I can't replicate that because I'm going to have to go back to work at 6 months. I don't own my own home, have an average job, still feel like a child myself.

Has anyone else felt like this? Did it turn out okay? I've had an abortion before and I don't feel like I can face it again but either option is terrifying.

April2013 Fri 25-Sep-15 10:02:25

Depression in pregnancy is common, speak to your GP or midwife or self-refer to your local mental health provider and hopefully you can get some good help and support, being pregnant you will hopefully be seen very quickly. Plus can you get counselling or just talk to someone in connection with considering ending the pregnancy? What help is out there for this? My problem was anxiety and counselling really helped but I left it a long time before seeking help which I regret. If you don't get on with your counsellor, try a new one, I did this and it made all the difference. When I was pregnant with my first I really had absolutely no clue what to expect and had hardly any experience with babies, I think it is very common to feel totally daunted and worried. There's so much pressure to have a posh house and plenty of £ in our society but really these things are not important at all, the challenge of having to return to work at 6 months can be dealt with, with help and support, and you might find that there are many benefits for you and your child of you being at work and them being at nursery/childminder, or by the time you have a 6 month old you may have found a different solution. Hope you get some good help. Also, first trimester is just grim :/

FluffyPersian Fri 25-Sep-15 13:09:42

I'm 7 weeks tomorrow and this is exactly how I feel. My partner and I are in a very stable relationship and so we thought we'd 'See what happened '... 3 weeks later the test was positive.

I've really struggled and have no joy or excitement - It's like my life is over and I'm staring into this black hole. 7 months of suffering in pregnancy and then 18+ years of suffering.... the fact I thought I wanted this and the fact I feel like a freak for not being happy or excited just makes me feel guilty and very unhappy.

I keep swinging between 'I can do this, it will be fine' to 'I need to have a termination now' ... I can't refer to 'it' as anything other than 'it' and also worry I'll resent it for 'ruining ' my life - My hormones are everywhere and I can't tell people in real life as they'll be all happy and pleased when I'm neither.

I've got massive anxiety and have been having counselling for the last year already - it's helped a lot but my anxiety is over injections and medical professionals doing things to me without permission... so now I'm pregnant, it's gone into absolute hyperdrive and I've already been to the Dr's to say 'ELCS or terminate... there is no other option'.

I just started a new job so don't qualify for maternity allowance so will need to go back to work at 3 months - To be 100% honest, that's also partly my choice, not all financial however, as I am incredibly passionate about my career and worked very hard to get where I am.

So in a nut shell - Yes, I totally get you as I feel incredibly similar. It's not like I imagined it to be... It's really shit.

notfromstepford Fri 25-Sep-15 13:11:52

Hi mellowyellow1 - as April said, depression is pretty common in pregnancy, so it;s best to go talk to someone. I had to go back to work full-time when my DS was 6 months old, my OH had him for 3 months then he was in nursery full-time.

I too had a childhood where mum was at home all the time and I was initially upset that I didn't have the opportunity to do the same - there really was no choice. However, DS loves nursery and has done from when he started. It's really brought him on in my opinion and it gives him great opportunities that he might not get at home along with mixing with children his own age.

The time we do have together we have absolutely brilliant fun and we really do spend quality time together as a family and it really is a joy. So having to return to work 6 months isn't as bad as you might think it'll be. And your situation may change yet, but whatever happens you can still be a great mum.

TenForward82 Fri 25-Sep-15 13:16:35

I feel like this, I'm 20 weeks tomorrow. No advice, just have to wait and see how it goes!

mellowyellow1 Fri 25-Sep-15 14:48:53

Thanks for replies everyone.

fluffy so sorry that you feel the same way, and your anxiety is making things worse for you. It really is horrible isn't it - I feel like I'm in limbo and suddenly I feel like a scared little girl but I am 30 years old blush

I'm not really worried from a health perspective more worried about losing my marbles once the baby is here. I guess it must be normal to feel like this just don't want it to swallow me up. I have been recommended a counsellor but whether they can change my pattern of negative thinking is another thing.

FluffyPersian Sat 26-Sep-15 00:44:32

Yes, it is horrible and I'm finding it very isolating as so many women say 'I'm pregnant and so happy'... I don't want to put a downer on their feelings or happiness - I just wish I felt that way too.

I'm 33, 34 in January and the fact women half my age are able to go through pregnancy and be OK just blows my mind - I'm scared too... petrified.

I don't know how my 'journey ' will end yet, however I'd certainly recommend counselling. I found one privately and she enabled me to cope with a general anesthetic and 2 wisdom teeth being removed - Both needles and medical professionals doing things to me.... I am really proud of how I coped. I know that when I started counselling, I saud I didn't think it would be possible to change my mindset just by talking.... and it wasn't, but she got me to understand myself better, cope better with things and not give myself such a hard time.

Very happy to support you in PM if you ever want to talk - I think just knowing other people feel the same as you can help a lot flowers

30somethingm Sat 26-Sep-15 01:12:02

We always wanted children, but had an unplanned pregnancy scare last year. It turned out not to be the case, but our reaction told us that maybe we don't want kids. We felt we were staring into the abyss in fact!

mellowyellow1 Sat 26-Sep-15 10:54:03

Thanks Fluffy, I will PM you, it sounds like you've made great progress already.

30something I think that's quite a normal feeling as that is certainly how I feel too. I wish I could be happy and excited but all I can see is the negatives. Maybe I'm too selfish.

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