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38 weeks... is this ok? Stressed Upset(10 Posts)
DP and I not been getting on recently after very stressful year. Expecting DS2. He's been using 'going for a pint' as a form of escapism from this frequently recently and I have been in the house heavy pregnant and feeling resentful. We've been trying to sort things out and last week he said there would be no more drinking from now given how far on I am. I have a very big 97th centile baby who could come at any point. Until tonight....
He was going to go to the shops to get something for dinner and asked me if he could go for a pint??? I asked him what I would do if anything kicked off... phone a taxi??? We had a barney as he never puts me first and he is going to be a father of two.... when I had a rant n rave about it when we are trying to sort our relationship out he said 'is that a no then?' and 'I just fancied a pint'....?!?! Meanwhile was I supposed to sit at home on Friday night huge and sore on my own with our 2 yo in bed while he sits round the corner enjoying his pint??? Where's my fucking escapism? I am totally fucked off at his constant selfishness and feel there is no hope for this relationship. AIBU??? If he can't be there for me 100% and reliable at 38 weeks preg... then when will he be? Really upset.
This sounds far too familiar! Except my 'D'H can't just go for a pint, it ends up being an all night session, he doesn't come home, he won't tell me where he's been, and when he finally does get back (usually around 9 the next day) and I've had no sleep coz I've been up all night worrying and fuming, he'll go to bed and leave me to look after 2yo DS while he sleeps off his hangover!
I have repeatedly asked him not to do this but he won't take anything I say on board, so I told him a couple of weeks ago I'm not accepting such a lack of respect any more and he's currently looking for somewhere else to live!
I hope there are other redeming features about your OH and you can work past this.
The thought of being a single parent terrifies me, but I'd rather do this all alone than with someone who clearly doesn't give a shit about me or our children.
Sorry for the rant. I'm furious on your behalf. Are you okay?
Oh Rocker that's totally shit!!! No he doesn't do anything like that and now I feel bad... OH does adore his wee boy and has other redeeming features... he just has a very selfish streak at times and has a tendency to put drink as priority over other things which should be more important. I have set my bar very high though in my behavioural expectations... but it's just cos our r'ship has been on very shaky ground these past few months and we've been trying to sort the shit out... I guess I am keeping hoping that he will start to step up and be a man and be a source of reliability and support to me when I need it more than any other time in my life.... but then after empty words he falls short and lets me down with his attitude... I am terrrified of being a single parent too... but I'm not prepared to be someone's fucking doormat no matter how much I love them. I just feel completely unloved, undervalued and unimportant and rapidly losing all respect for him. And we're just about to have our 2nd child any moment now!! Total disaster......
How are you this morning gilly?
Do you have anything lovely planned with your little one this weekend to take your mind off things?
Hi Rocker... thanks for asking... xxx I'm feeling pre-labour panicky and stressed... monkey off to his granny's for the night... how are you doing today? Xxx
I'm a little confused...H got up with the little fella this morning and let me have a sleep in. By the time I got up he had mowed both gardens, hoovered the whole house and washed and hoovered my car!!
I think he must be starting to realise what a twunt he's been recently. (Either that or he's after something!)
Hopefully you'll be able to have a nice chilled out night with your LO staying out. Any chance you might be able to have a word with your OH tonight while you've got some peace and let him know how you're feeling?
I half think they start behaving like this toward the end coz they absolutely shit themselves about the extra responsibility that's coming their way. (H did this just before DS was born but immediately changed once he was here). We have 10 months of lifestyle changes, we have to stop drinking/smoking/going to bed earlier coz we feel like crap and all the other lovely stuff that comes with being pregnant, but they don't have to change until the baby actually arrives and I think it makes them panic!
I wish they could go through it for a few days and see what it's like for themselves! (Just a few days tho, couldn't be arsed listening to them moan for months on end! )
I know - totally!! My OH has lived with me this full pregnancy (was only living with me second half of first pregnancy) and has witnessed full on how difficult it has been for me (with 1st trim vomiting to a forced house move in late pregnancy and being heavy and massive) yet STILL doesn't seem to get it!!! I mean, they are men and of course they aren't going to fully get it but it's the lack of at the very least trying to understand that I don't get... funny you saying about how your H has been reacting today... because after last night my OH has been doing a fair bit in and around the house after I told him I didn't want our r'ship anymore last night....... a bit of consistency from our men would be nice eh...?! Xx
......I've actually felt like I've went through this whole pregnancy on my own and haven't had the support and love from my OH that I should have had. He's been good at times around the house and with our 2yo when he comes home from work especially in these latter weeks.... but I feel as if there has been very little towards me personally.... I am hoping and worrying that the resentment I am feeling right now won't carry over afterwards once our wee one arrives... I am wondering if I am being too hard on him..... just feeling pretty lonely and miserable and at feeling so disconnected from my kids' daddy... xx
Hi gilly and Rocker just wanted to say you both sound like amazing ladies who don't deserve to be treated like that by your OH's. Well done to you both for standing up for yourselves and letting them know it's not acceptable! Hopefully the recent (good) behaviour changes last and they start treating you with the love and respect you both deserve.
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