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Ante-Natal Depression...I think? Help?!

(2 Posts)
SweetBerries Tue 18-Aug-15 17:16:08

Hi everyone,

I'm sort of coming here as a last resort as I don't really know what else to do with myself. I lost a pregnancy at 8 weeks several months ago but got pregnant around 2 weeks after my EPRC and this one has stuck! I'm now 19 weeks and 2 days - I'm over the moon to be nearly halfway there but at a time where I should be the happiest person in the world, I'm miserable, off work and not myself at all.

I can't sleep as I wake up thinking the baby has died, in tears and hyperventilating. I then have to check him with my doppler JUST TO BE SURE he's alive (he always is - I find him in seconds so he's not being exposed to the doppler for longer than 20 secs each time thank goodness). This at 2/3am so my partner gets woken and ends up overtired too.

My workplace have been dreadful - they've basically demoted me (JUST me) after I went for a promotion and didn't get it. Others went for the same job and performed worse than me at interview but, lo and behold, they are remaining in their seconded slots. They, obviously, are not pregnant. I'm being made to work a rota with less days off for the remainder of my pregnancy and being told that I should be grateful for this because of 'what happened last time' (my miscarriage, which I still don't like talking about).

So, a combination of workplace stress/maltreatment and abnormal anxiety about the baby is causing me untold issues. I cry all day and night, fear for my baby's health at all times, and now he's started kicking it's even worse. If he doesn't kick much during the day I'm convinced he's had a cord accident or is struggling in there and there's nothing I can do. I feel like I'm letting him down by being off work with this but I can't even think about doing my job properly.

I'm going to have to go to the doctors regardless and my midwife wants to see me tomorrow, but has anyone experienced this previously and got through it ok? Any clues anyone can give me in terms of what to do? Some days I feel like doing something incredibly stupid and the only thing that stops me is the thought that I would hurt my baby, which is my worst nightmare.

Sorry I've gone on so much, I have nobody to talk to and no support network except my partner, so this is the first time I've really spoken about it.

xxx

sizethree Tue 18-Aug-15 17:28:05

sweetberries, so sorry you're feeling this way but well done for acknowledging it and asking for help.
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote in your post.
I've suffered three miscarriages and I'm 29 weeks pregnant now. But I'm constantly terrified something is going to go wrong and I just can't shake the feeling.
No one really understands and I'm seeing my midwife tomorrow and I need to be a lot more honest with her instead of putting on a brave face.
I think for me maybe having more midwife contact and a reassurance scan over the next few weeks will help with anxiety.
It sounds like your work are being shit, which makes an already anxiety fuelled situation worse. Do you think if you addressed work issues its help or do you think just tolerating it til you start nat leave would be easier for you? Either way I think seeing some advice from your midwife will be the first stage and take tings from there.
Let's update eachother tomorrow after our appointments!

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