Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.
Close age gap between DC1 and 2?(20 Posts)
I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my first baby and will be due back at work Sept 2016.
DH and I are hoping to have 2 DC, health/luck permitting. He is 41, I am 32 and we have had a previous MC. I would like to have 2 before I turn 35 ideally to reduce risk factors as much as possible.
I have just found out that the lease on our company premises is up in July 2016, so we will either be relocated or start consultation for redundancy at that time.
I have been in the same job for 10 years so would get a generous redundancy package and also if I was at least 24 weeks pregnant with DC2 at that time, they would pay me my full years maternity pay on top of that! The job has come under new management recently and I am keen to leave as soon as I have finished having kids, as I really have begun to hate it and dread going in. I am only staying there for the generous mat pay and benefits, accrued due to my length of service.
There is potential there for me to be paid to leave a job I hate, plus get 2 continuous years mat leave to bring up my little ones.
SO... would I be completely mad to consider TTC just a few months after I give birth to DC1 in September?
That means both children born before I hit 35, 2 years off work (mostly) full paid and then I can look at finding another part time/full time job that I enjoy after that. Hopefully this would mean less gap in my CV and less childcare costs overall.
I know you cannot plan these things exactly, but we have had no issues conceiving before and I worry that if I wait too long I could end up with no job and desperately wanting a second DC, or be a few months pregnant and have nobody willing to hire me.
Would love to hear from anyone who has a very close age gap between DCs and how they coped?
Any advice appreciated
There are 14 months between my DC1 and DC2. I planned for 13 months but took an extra month to conceive (I was EBF and exhausted at the time!).
Hard, hard work.
I was 27 and 28 when I had them, so younger. Great now they are older though (nearly 10 and neally 11 now). But very hard work between the youngest being 1yo and 3yo. Became easier when youngest was 4 and oldest 5... at which point I had another baby
So would you have chosen a bigger gap if you had your time again?
Also now they are older do they get on better/are easier to entertain as they are at a similar level?
I have 13 months between mine - yes it was hard work when they were toddlers and I always feel a bit guilty that DS1 didn't really get the chance to be the baby for very long - otherwise, I think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages - mine get on really well and therefore always have a friend on holidays etc. We were similar in ages to you and your OH but we did have difficulty conceiving the first time so we didn't want to wait to long but I got pregnant really quickly the second time.
Meant to add, that yes, it is useful them being at the same stage for toys/days out etc but we have also benefited from the fact that they have very similar interests. They are 15 and 14 now.
I have just under a year between my 3rd and 4th. They're both 4yo right now (a weird few weeks!).
It is really hard work. I found being pregnant whilst having a baby very difficult. Dd was a great sleeper until 9 months when I was starting to get weary with my pregnancy and it was starting to get hot.
I could have done with ds3 being a few weeks younger because they are about to start school together and I think he's not quite ready, though it might be because Dd is very ready and the gap seems huge right now. That's something I would change if I could.
Overall it's fine. Go for it!
There is 13 months between my two, DD was 2 in June and DS was 1 in July. For us, it was definitely the right choice and always what we wanted. They are already the best of friends. As others have said, it's hard work, but I think having a second is always hard (unless perhaps the eldest is at school which might make it a bit easier), there are just pros and cons to different age gaps so go with what suits you. But imo GO FOR IT!
Sounds like a pretty good plan!
I don't have much to say about being a parent yet as am pregnant with my first. But I can tell you what it's like from the child's perspective as there is a close age difference between myself and my sisters.
First of all, disclaimer: I am a twin so we're about as close in age as you can get! 7 minutes!
But we also have an older sister who is only 18 months older than us.
As children we got on pretty well, though there were arguments as all siblings will have. As teenagers it was difficult, though I think that's because we were all girls and the hormones were running riot inside us. Also we lived in a house with only one bathroom! As adults, we're very very close. During our twenties we'd share clothes and shoes all being similar sizes. Now we're in our thirties, we're beginning to start our own families and I know our kids are going to be great friends and cousins.
Mum says it was hard when we were very little, but I know she wanted to have children close in age as there was a 7 year gap between her and her brother and she felt she missed out on having a proper sibling as a child (they get on great now and are loving and supportive etc... just as children it was difficult).
We all had similar interests too, which helped as kids.
All the best plans...until you actually have a dc and know how you'll cope! There will be just over 4.5 years between my two when dd2 arrives shortly.
No fucking way would l have gone again when she was only a few months old!
Thanks all, I agree we might have the first one and think 'never again!' but you have certainly put my mind at ease that is at least possible without having a nervous breakdown!
Didn't consider any medical issues so will look into it.
Much appreciated everyone
It sounds like a great plan but be aware that breastfeeding is a very good contraceptive. We started ttc again when ds was 9mo, no trouble falling pregnant before but a year later and it's still not happened. Bf him is more important though.
There are pros and cons. The work/financial situation for you is a massive pro though and I would lean towards going for it.
The main con I found was that it was such hard work that I didn't really get to enjoy them. DC1's baby stage was morning sickness, tiredness, bad back etc. Her toddler stage was up all night with a newborn. Her pre-school stage was dealing with DC2 who was a NIGHTMARE toddler. I didn't enjoy her nearly as much as I should have. Then we had DC3 quite soon after DC2.....he has always been an amazingly easy child thank god!
Then we had a fourth one with a bit of a gap and I have enjoyed him so much more. We really cherished him at each stage. I think if I were only having two I'd want to really enjoy the first one for a while and then have a second one. But then I loved the baby stage, some people hate it and want to get it over with!
The biggest pro has to be that they play with each other/keep each other entertained. And that they're all at about the same stage so it's easy to find activities etc. that they can all do and enjoy.
We have a big age gap between our first and second, and then a small gap between our second and third. The big age gap was really easy for us as parents, the small age gap was tough, but the joy the two youngest get out of each other is incredible and makes the tough times worth it ten times over.
I got pregnant while breastfeeding which considering it took 2 and a half years of trying to get pregnant in the first place was good going
I think this is a tricky question OP. I got pregnant on my first month off the pill (had been on for 10 years!). I did not get my period after DS until he was 10 months old. I went on the pill for 3 months after this but did not get pregnant until DS was 20/21 months old. I can't do the maths but basically apart from that 3 months on the pill I technically could have got pregnant but didn't. What I am trying to say is that it might not be 'up to you' what happens. You could do what I did and be pregnant within a few months of your first baby, however it could take months or years!
I have just under 15mo gap between my 2. The baby & toddler years were brutal. Awful. However they are now just 9 & very nearly 8 & it is fab.
If you want to get nappies etc all over and done with in one go, have a close age gap. Otherwise don't. Think very carefully, I loved having 1 baby, I barely coped with 2 babies...
19 months between DD and DS. I was 32 and 34 when I had them.
It was hard work, 2 under 2, 2 in nappies, double buggy, 2 of each stage car seat. DC2 was an excellent sleeper which really helped - he slept through before DD! I did love having the bit of time where there were no school runs and we could just hole up at home and please ourselves.
They are now 8 and 10 and they get on pretty well, like the same activities, holidays, games, have the same size feet (can share wellies, trainers and bikes!) and so on.
there is only 11 months between my nephews and it great that they are always into similar things so makes things easier
I had 11 1/2 months between dc1 and dc2. I didnt find it that hard. Dc3 was born 12 months after dc2 so had 3 under 2 for a couple of weeks
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.