Hello there
I hope I'm adding this to the right thread.
I am 34 and my partner is 40. We don't have any children and, as you can see, time isn't really on our side. So...this year, we've made plans to start trying for a baby.
I love my partner more than anyone. I also love our life together in that we do whatever we want...whenever we want. We are a very 'young' couple and financially stable as we both work full time but with lots of flexibility to allow us a good work/life balance. We holiday...get up when we want...snooze when we want....Visit wherever, whenever we want. We are very active and love working out together. We will often go for late night walks together or just randomly go out late. Thank God, we have been blessed with a perfect life which I am so grateful for.
My problem is this.....We really need to start thinking about a child due to our ages. But...I feel terrible when I say this....a child would mean giving up our lifestyle which I love so much. I am so guilty for these thoughts as I believe we should create life. I just feel so reluctant to give up everything! :'(
All I can think about is shallow and selfish things such as....well we won't be able to gym together. I will ruin my body and lady area! We won't be able to do what we love on the weekends such as lying in until 9 am, lazying around with each other in the morning, going out to the gym together, snoozing with each other when we get back followed by our amazing dinner and film/reading/a million other things.
I'm really feeling a bit scared that a baby will ruin everything and affect our relationship as it's just been us. I wish we could have several more years left of this but...well...at 34 I guess I don't have the time left.
We discussed this again tonight and I was saying that I don't want to ruin our life together and he was of the opinion that we can't keep putting it off. He's a psychologist with an interest in child development so he is so looking forward to raising a child.
Also......another shallow thing to say is....We both enjoy taking pride in our appearance and there is such a deep attraction between us. I am worried that a baby will have an impact on my body and weight and also.....sorry TMI...how it may feel down there after a child.
I am so sorry if I have upset anyone with my selfish thoughts.
If anyone could help with some thoughts or could answer any of these questions if I haven't annoyed you too much, I would greatly appreciate it. I have asked Mums around me and they're response is very dismissive - you'll be fine. None of that matters. Just do it etc etc
How hard has it been for you to have a child?
Did it affect your relationship?
Are things very different in terms of your body? What about in the lady area after birth? Is sex ruined forever?!
I know some mums at work who say they put on a lot of weight when pregnant and since they have never been able to lose it. Is that true?! That's a rather terrifying thought! I'm already a stone overweight but have maintained at this weight with a lot of heavy weight lifting and calorie control so I can keep parts of my figure rounded as I prefer a shapely figure to slim on myself. We spoke tonight that I would reduce my weight now to make room for baby weight but the thought of what has happened to the other Mums I have spoken to in terms of them never being able to shift their weight since a baby is scary. Is that really true?!
Is it really a case of no sleep for months?
How hard was it having a baby and giving up your whole life?
You know....i'm so emotional right now I think I'd better leave it there and also out of fear about upsetting anyone with my selfishness.
Thank you so much xxxxx
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Pregnancy
Just not sure :-(
notsure132 · 16/08/2015 22:44
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