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Preparing number one for your absence during birth

(7 Posts)
PasstheGin Mon 10-May-04 08:35:35

My four year old has just totally freaked out on me (20 minutes banshee impression) because a friend's coming later on to look after him later on so I can go to an antenatal class. I'm getting stressed just thinking about how he'll cope with my departure to hospital, especially as we have lots of options depending on how/when labour starts. Should I talk to him about it and fix a plan or will that get him even more stressed? Any tips??

sponge Mon 10-May-04 09:47:06

Absolutely you should talk to him. My first is also 4 and knows pretty much exactly what's going on so we've been trying to prepare her as much as possible so she feels involved not excluded.
Is your ds used to being left with other people? Is this a normal reaction to you leaving him or is it specifically to do with the pregnancy/ new baby?
There's bound to be some resentment and jealousy when you've been the centre of atention for 4 years so lots of reassurance is needed.

willow2 Tue 11-May-04 12:30:37

come on chapesses - one tip? Anyone called PasstheGin needs our help.

secur Tue 11-May-04 12:37:24

Message withdrawn

hewlettsdaughter Tue 11-May-04 12:57:08

Agree re talking to him - though don't fix a plan as he needs to know that you don't know how things will pan out (but that that's ok). Main thing is to reassure - everything will be all right, you will have a baby sister/brother at the end of it etc.
I had a baby recently - prepared ds (also 4) for various scenarios so he wouldn't be freaked. In the event we were very lucky as he slept through the birth (at home) and woke up to a surprise in the morning...

Bozza Tue 11-May-04 20:37:19

We're in a similar position although DS is only 3. I am due on Sunday so should all happen soon. DS is used to being left though - it sounds like maybe yours is not. Think the advice of just talking about it in general terms and ensuring he realises that baby's arrival is a bit unpredictable is best..

Goold luck.

LadyMuck Tue 11-May-04 20:53:16

I guess in part it depedns on what your plans are, and how the individuals who will be looking after him will cope. Ds2 was born by planned c/s, so I was able to talk through what was happening (including a 4 day absence). But more recently I had to take to ds2 to casualty leaving Ds1 stranded at playgroup. After a ring-round I found a friend to pick him up for me, but ds1 (3)doesn't know her that well. One of the playgroup staff had to put ds1 into the car, and he was abit upset for the first part of the journey (the biscuits she brought with her soon cheered him up!), and by the time I picked him up, he didn't want to come home. I guess the point I'm making is that if you have good people to fall back on your son should still be adaptable.

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