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Miscarriage advice

(19 Posts)
HollyJenni Fri 14-Aug-15 17:35:07

Hello ladies
Today I found out my 8 week pregnancy had come to an end.
The foetus had stopped growing, possible a couple of weeks ago. I had my third scan today after having spotting at 5 weeks and the sonographer also saw bleeding inside my uterus as well.
This is (was) my first pregnancy so naturally I am very upset and confused by it all.
I have been given the leaflets for the three options, expectant management, assisted and also the surgical option and I'm not sure of what is best.
I just need some advice and reassurance. My family and my partner are being great about this but sometimes you need advice from someone who has been through it, someone in the field themselves or just someone who feels they have some advice for me.

Thanks for taking the time to read this,
Holly x

Hoviscats Fri 14-Aug-15 17:47:55

So sorry you are going through this. I also had a mmc 4 weeks ago. I found out at my 12 week scan that it seemed to have stopped developing at around 6 weeks.

I was very keen on having a surgical as I just wanted it all over. As it happened I ended up miscarrying naturally at home while waiting for the ERPC. I did then have the procedure as I was keen to finish it all off as quickly as possible to be honest.

From my perspective the surgical was fine. No issues I just took it easy for a few days and the bleeding stopped within a week.

The natural miscarriage on the other hand was horrendous and in no way would I personally recommend it.

I know though that others prefer to deal with it all naturally so I am sure you will hear a different point of view as well. Only you can really decide and I know it all must seem really shit at the moment.

wine thanks to you

April2013 Fri 14-Aug-15 17:51:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoooRooo Fri 14-Aug-15 17:56:54

I'm so sorry for your [loss]

I lost a baby at 10 weeks last year - same thing happened the foetus had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I chose to let things happen naturally. Whatever you decide is best for you is best - there are no right or wrong answers.

I found it quite upsetting but when I passed the baby in the shower I gathered it up and then we buried it in the garden under a new rose bush. I know that's not for everyone. Some people just prefer to have it managed surgically and not have to deal with it.

Miscarriage is a really, really hard thing and you will suddenly find that if you talk about it in real life lots of women will tell you that they suffered one too. I had so many women comfort me who had been through the same thing - everyone from family to neighbours, colleagues and friends.

Be kind to yourself x

worriedmum100 Fri 14-Aug-15 18:24:56

I've had 3 miscarriages including a MMC last summer. I really feel for you. It's a terrible shock and so upsetting. You will feel the loss not just of the baby but the future you thought you had.

I lost two naturally but they were both around 6 weeks and I coped ok. The MMC was 9 weeks and came after a long period of infertility and endo surgery. I was so bereft I just wanted to be knocked out and for it to be over with. The surgery was fine but unfortunately for me it didn't work fully and so I had to have a repeat ERPC a few weeks later. I think the chances of that happening are very small though.

I hope you have lots of support in real life. Give yourself lots of time and be kind to yourself. I was convinced that the MMC was my last chance but I unexpectedly fell pg 6 months later and am due in a few weeks.

Take care x

sianihedgehog Fri 14-Aug-15 18:25:11

I lost my first pregnancy at 10 weeks, and spotted and bled for weeks without completely miscarrying. By the time I got through all the scans I just wanted it all to be finished as soon as possible and opted for surgical management. It was all fine but I did worry myself absolutely sick about the possibility of complications while waiting for it, and I had to wait over a week for an available appointment. I think if I found myself in the same position again I might try medical management (I think what you're calling assisted - drugs to kickstart it). It's really very much a personal choice - there isn't much in it in terms of risks.

IWantDogger Fri 14-Aug-15 18:43:04

I've experienced natural and surgical. If I had to go through it I'd definitely choose surgical, it was fine. I had had a general anaesthetic before though so wasn't massively worried about that aspect.

patienceisvirtuous Fri 14-Aug-15 18:46:02

Sorry for your loss. Having had three and experienced at home, med management and surgery, I found surgery much easier both physically and emotionally x

lilac3033 Fri 14-Aug-15 20:43:49

Sorry for your loss.

I had a mmc found at my 12 week scan a year ago in April. It was a blighted ovum, so no baby was found. It was a shock, as I didn't know that could happen.

I opted for medical management; I didn't want the wait for the surgery or for nature to take it's course. I really just wanted it over and medical management was the quickest option.

It was a couple pills that worked quickly. I had some dihydrocodeine to help with the pain. It was over in a few hours. If there had a been a baby I am not sure how I would have felt about it, but as there wasn't I really felt ok considering. I felt I had control over the situation and would be back ttc again within a few weeks.

I did not. I bled for 5 and a half weeks, which is at least twice what I was told. The bleeding would pick up and then drop off. I even passed a clot the size of my palm 2 weeks in (sorry if TMI!). Basically I wasn't passing all the pregnancy tissue and my body kept trying to get rid of it. Considering all I really needed to feel better was the ability to try again, it was awful. I felt the whole thing just dragged on and on. Eventually it did stop and everything was fine (DD is in her cradle sleeping now).

I know I was VERY unlucky on the medical management front, and despite the experience I wouldn't rule it out again if I needed to go through similar again the future. I could do it at home, which I found comforting. I am not a massive fan of hospitals and I wanted to avoid surgery, as there are risks (however small). In hindsight I probably would have been more insistent in seeking additional support from my local EPU. One of the nurses was a bitch and really not very supportive. I think it could have been easier and perhaps finished earlier if I'd had better support.

sizethree Sat 15-Aug-15 09:30:56

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's such a heartbreaking experience.
I've sadly suffered three miscarriages. One medically managed (12 weeks - foetus sized at 9 weeks) one natural (at 9 weeks) and one surgically managed (at 8 weeks).
All very grim experiences as to be expected. But I found the medical management to be the most difficult, as it's pretty much labour and the pain was very tough to cope with.
The natural miscarriage was the least traumatic and my body bounced back much faster than with the medical and surgery.
Surgery was fast and it was good to be knocked out and have it dealt with efficiently. But it took me much longer to get my normal cycle back afterwards, like my body needed time to catch up with what's happened.
I hope you have a lot of real life support too. Do try to open up to friends and seek the support you need. X

BlackeyedPetitsPois Sat 15-Aug-15 09:42:14

Hi Holly
I'm sorry you are experiencing this.
I had a missed miscarriage last year (found out at my 12 week scan) no symptoms at all.
I decided to wait for nature to take its course. I waited and waited and after a further week with no signs my body was going to do its thing I went for medical management at home. 2 tablets into the vagina and few hours later 2 more. Then within 1 1/2 hrs cramps and bleeding. It was very painful but just about manageable with strongish pain relief.
I bled heavily for about 3 days, then on and off for 6 weeks!

What I think I'm trying to say is in hindsight I wished I'd opted for surgical management. What I experienced seemed to drag on for weeks and weeks.

I hope sharing my experience has been some help in you making your decision. It's great you have support too, that I found invaluable.

Best wishes flowers

Kickedinthetits Sat 15-Aug-15 10:28:04

Hi Holly. Have they given you options for management?
I had a mmc discovered at 10 weeks before Christmas. I was told that I would have to wait for it to happen naturally although I wanted surgical management.
The worst part was the waiting. It took two weeks. The miscarriage itself was fairly grueling and very similar to a labour experience- regular contractions and lots of bleeding over a two hour period. I passed the sac and then the pain eased. I went for a scan a couple of days later to check and there was some retained tissue so I had an erpc the following day. The procedure was quick and easy and the best part was it meant it was finally over. Personally I would opt straight for the surgery if possible in future.
Have you looked at the Miscarriage Association? There is lots of great advice on there and the Miscarriage forum on here has loads of support too. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope it passes as quickly and easily as possible for you.

mummyplus7 Sat 15-Aug-15 11:35:18

This happened to me. I refused to have a D & C and waited for the remains to pass. It happened about two weeks after blighted ovum was diagnosed, started bleeding heavily after sex. Not too painful.

Mahvish84 Sat 15-Aug-15 17:46:24

Hi,
Mind if I jump in for some advice? I am (was, not sure) 5 weeks pregnant. Started spotting,light bleeding 3 days ago, went in for a scan at the EPU, and they asked me to come in for a second scan in 2 weeks. And although there had been no bleeding all day today, I passed a clot like thing (sorry TMI). Still no heavy bleeding, no pain, no cramps. Am I miscarrying, or do I remain hopeful. I know I cant go back to the EPU for at least a week. Will taking a pregnancy test give me any clues? Any help/advice would be great. Thanks!

Kickedinthetits Sat 15-Aug-15 18:14:33

Hi Mahvish, I'm afraid there is no way of knowing apart from by having a scan in a week or two or by having blood tests. Sorry you have this uncertainty. It's awful having to wait.

HollyJenni Sat 15-Aug-15 18:27:27

I think I'm just going to let it happen now as I started bleeding last night but only when I wipe.
I have been very teary today x

BlackeyedPetitsPois Sat 15-Aug-15 22:08:49

Sorry you're feeling tearful. I know exactly how you feel.
Keep talking to your partner and family.

And let yourself cry. You need to grieve.

Look after yourself x

Hoviscats Sun 16-Aug-15 07:29:40

Hi holly I hope you are managing ok. Just so you know, I bled for a week before the actual miscarriage happened so it could take a little while. I had the ERPC the day after just to make sure as I had already been booked in for it and I was keen to get it over with.

I don't know what you are doing work wise, but I was in and out of the office during the time I was bleeding and thankfully decided to be at home the morning of the miscarriage because I felt really crampy. I would definitely advise you to listen to your body and make sure you are at home if you feel like things might start happening. It came on really quickly for me and had I been elsewhere I have no idea what I would have done during the couple of hours that the full miscarriage actually happened.

Stock up on chocolate and box sets is my advice!

Thinking of you thanksthanksthanks

Daffodilliesanddaisies Sun 16-Aug-15 07:49:08

I started bleeding on the Saturday, had a scan on the Tuesday that confirmed no heartbeat and decided on the ERPC for the Thursday. Whilst I was in hospital waiting for surgery i started getting really bad pains and I passed it all before I went down for surgery. I decided to have the ERPC anyway just to check it had all gone but it had. In hindsight I wish I'd have just stayed at home with a load of painkillers (couldn't take any due to being nill by mouth for the operation) and let nature take it's course.

Am thinking of you.

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