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15 & pregnant

(10 Posts)
Moonlight123 Wed 12-Aug-15 23:55:21

I'm pregnant and 18
And just found out that one of my cousins is pregnant and she is 15
She has asked me for advice on what to do
Any one no what I could say or have any idears on what I could suggest to her

RainbowRoses Wed 12-Aug-15 23:57:56

Had she got support from parents or the father of the baby?

All you can really do is help her to talk through the options she has and offer her a hand to hold whatever she decides to do.

Moonlight123 Thu 13-Aug-15 00:02:01

She lives with me
Her parents kicked her out
The father wants to be envolved if she keeps the baby

RainbowRoses Thu 13-Aug-15 00:07:06

She needs to talk through her options with you and the father then decide what is best for her.
Do you have space for 2 babies? Would she move out and get her own place?
Can she or/and the father afford her/their own place?
These are the kind of things that will take a few days to talk through and have time to think about.

leadcrow Thu 13-Aug-15 07:23:07

Sorry but I disagree with rainbow roses to an extent. She does not need to talk to the father as this is her body and her decision...if she chooses to keep the baby and the father says he'll be supportive that might not last a lifetime. What if she is 50/50 undecided on whether to keep the baby or not and her decision rested on the (potentially) false promise of someone else, who then decides he doesn't want to stick around? He might be supportive but are his parents? If she has no parental support and then his parents decide to be unsupportive what will happen? Its not as easy for the mother to walk away as it is for the father...even fully grown adults struggle with a new baby and I'm sure it's much more difficult for a teenager.

I would advise that she asks her tutor or head of year at school for referral to a counsellor or other support so she can work through her own thoughts with a responsible, neutral adult before making a final decision - independent and regardless of the wants of the father.

Topsy34 Thu 13-Aug-15 07:29:53

Have a chat with her about her options, is social services involved as she isnt home with her parents?

Either her social worker or tutor at school will be able to refer her for support/counselling.

Good luck and well done for supporting her

Tokoloshe Thu 13-Aug-15 07:34:57

I think she should discuss the situation with the father, however, in the end it needs to be her decision.

Most of all she needs the support of an adult experienced in supporting young people in her position The can explain her options, and help her work through the practical and emotional consequences of each. The school would be a good starting point, though also her GP, HVs and midwives will probably know of local services.

She will also need someone - probably you, given her parents' response - to just be there to hold her hand, whatever she decides.

curlii103 Thu 13-Aug-15 08:13:40

a independent adult is a good shout but she should definitely dicuss with the father. its her body but it's his baby too you can't just disregard his feelings in case he doesn't follow through. being 15 does not automatically make him irresponsible and a flight risk....I'm sure we're all aware men of any age sometimes fail you!....equally I do agree it should be her decision snd not SOLELY based on someone else's promises.

goodnessgraciousgouda Thu 13-Aug-15 08:33:42

She needs to work out what she wants to do before speaking to the father. Otherwise she will end up getting just more and more confused. And actually, she can just disregard his feelings. There isn't a compromise between keeping and not keeping a baby, if they don't agree on what to do, and her wishes override his. They just do.

Your cousin needs to seek out an objective adult for some advice and counsel, as others have suggested. She can ask a trusted teacher at school, ask at her doctor's, or look online for some places that might offer advice (though be very careful - there are lots of disgusting pro life places which pretend to be objective).

If she isn't capable of arranging that and following through, then she shouldn't even be thinking about having the baby. That isn't a criticism - she's only 15.

Mummyofonesofar Thu 13-Aug-15 11:00:46

Get her an appointment with the GP, they can be a great source of help, and may find her a councillor who can talk through options with her.

I had a baby at 16 (also pregnant at 15) it is hard work but also amazing, but I second that it has to be her decision. He would influence her, she is too young to not be affected by the opinions of others. She needs to make this decision alone as having this baby will affect her life more than anyone elses. As would having an abortion.

Please make sure you explain that abortion is an option and you will support her. I managed with my baby and have done very well and at 23 am now expecting my second with a new partner, but I can't imagine many other girls the same age would have coped.

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