scared, confused - older mum

[milkyman]

im 40 and 4 weeks pregnant. we hadnt decided on another but it has happened. ds will be 3.5 when baby is born. Had a mc this time last year at 6 weeks. I got used to the idea of having one and was making plans for the future.

I feel so ill and confused and scared. Also I have been drinking and taking cold remedies etc prior to ginding out - not loads but a bit (have obvs stopped now). I need some positive words. Had pnd with first and a horrific birth.

[NoMontagues]

milky congratulations on your pregnancy

I'm 39 and I'm 16 weeks, I also have a 14 year old and a 12 month old.

The way I see it, if you're young enough to get pregnant you're young enough to be a mum again. I raised my eldest as an only child until last year and there were times when it's been lonely for her, having a sibling is going to be a lovely thing for your DS and something that's going to enhance his life long term.

Don't worry about the drinking and cold meds, please! The embryo doesn't share a blood supply with you yet and won't for another few weeks. You won't have harmed your baby

Oh and I think there's a support thread for 40+ mums on the pregnancy boards here- maybe join up with them?

[milkyman]

thank you so much

[Hopefulnewbie]

i agree with NoMontagues and 40 is no age! as long as your healthy and active - we are all in the same boat
Just start taking the usual folic acid and vitamin D.. most of us are guilty of having a drink or taking medication for a cold before finding out but you have found out really early and have stopped so no harm done.

and they say, every pregnancy is different - sorry you had a rough time with your first but it certainly doesn't mean itl be the same this time.

congrats!!

[TheMshipIsBack]

NoMontagues is right about the blood supply. I got pregnant unintentionally with my first and was on holiday at the time, drinking more than usual. I completely freaked out, but the lovely doctor told me there was nothing to worry about. I'm 36 and 10 weeks with my second after having a miscarriage at 7 weeks in the spring. My DS will be 3y9m when baby is due. You might feel better in a couple of months once the first tri fatigue lifts. It's early days yet, but maybe a doula or some counseling/therapy would help?

[cloudjumper]

Congratulations!
I was 39 when I had DS, and had been taking cold/flu rememdies etc before I found out! It will be fine, please don't worry!
Regarding your bad birth experience/PND, do mention this to your midwife - they are very keen to know about these things, so that they can try and put measures in place to prevent it from happening again.

I'm now 43 and currently pg with my second, do come and join us on the 40+ and pregnant thread!

[milkyman]

thanks all - just cant thinking it is a terrible mistake and will break me and my husband. how do i look after a v lively toddler when pregnant and then a newborn?

[warriorbot]

Hey there, OP - I'm another 40+ woman, though this is my first! Can't imagine how tired you must be feeling right now with a toddler and a big surprise.

I see that you had a rough time with PND first time around, and the mc can't have helped with your anxiety and ambivalence this time around. Unmumsnetty hugs for you.

You don't have to decide anything right now - you're going through a lot, both physically and mentally. I cried so much in the first few weeks and my pregnancy wasn't even a surprise!

Mship makes a good point - some counselling sounds like a great idea - I have had a therapist for a while and oh my God do I recommend having someone to talk to! Don't know where you're based but it's worth asking if there are specialist midwives who have been trained to understand and give support in cases of PND or traumatic birth.

Hope you can get hold of some support and that, whatever you decide, you feel happy with your choice. It's a lot to take in after what you've been through so give yourself some time.

[LongDayAlready]

Hi Milkyman, congrats on your pregnancy and hope you're feeling ok. Come join us on the 40+ thread. - no idea how to do links but it's within the pg board. I also had a bit of a surprise (DC4 due next month and am 42) but felt much better about it all after 12 weeks when the hormones subsided and scans were done - and now it's moving and taking on its own personality, am rather looking forward to it. Although apprehensive!

midwife will go into PND at booking appointment so just make sure you're honest with her. What's been new for me this time around is antenatal visits from the HV, who's clearly been briefed that I had it and seems really good so far - feeling v lucky. Am 34 weeks and have had one home visit and a couple of calls with the offer of extra antenatal visits. So the help is there just flag it up now rather than waiting until everything seems too overwhelming (as I did).

Hope to see you on the 40+ thread!

[milkyman]

thank you all for your lovely msgs - wishing you all well too.