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High BMI - Crying after booking in.

(28 Posts)
sjd114 Tue 11-Aug-15 17:08:39


Just had my booking in appointment with my midwife (who is lovely) but I've come home feeling VERY deflated/emotional.

I know I'm overweight. But I didn't realise how much emphasis is put on it. . How differently you are treated to a normal bmi person.. extra scans. Extra blood pressure checks. HAVE to have hospital births. Ref feral to consultants, refer to anethiest .. have to take aspirin daily. I just feel so disgusted & sick to my stomach that I even thought I'd enjoy the appointments, when I have HIGH BMI written all over my notes.

I feel so sick, I feel as though I shouldn't of even had this chance to get pregnant.

Sorry. Rant over.
Any advice is welcomed (but please refrain from telling me I'm a bad person/unhealthy, because trust me. I know! & I'm beating myself up about it constantly) sad

sjd114 Tue 11-Aug-15 17:09:51

Forgot to mention, I have to have a LARGE CUFF for my blood pressure, although it was FAR too big.. sad

Labradormummy Tue 11-Aug-15 17:14:58

Hello!! I think I'm going to be in the same boat and am dreading it. At the end of the day though, I'm sure they haven't written it on your notes a shame factor, its literally so they can monitor and keep an eye on things. I know that probably won't change the way we think about it and feel but just think, we're pregnant and as long as we're healthy through the pregnancy and watch ourselves, we'll be fine. You are healthy enough to conceive so just look after yourself and enjoy your pregnancy xxx

honeysucklejasmine Tue 11-Aug-15 17:16:55

Oh lovely, I'm so sorry you were made to feel that way! My BMI was 40 at booking in, but aside from writing it on a form, the midwife said nothing about it. I have to see a consultant anyway, so didn't phase me really.

You shouldn't feel upset because there is bugger all you can so about what your bmi WAS. Of course, you can do your best to determine what your BMI will be at future appointments, but you MUST do this in a healthy way with agreement of your midwife.

If any HCPs actually are RUDE to youyou in the future (as opposed to pointing out uncomfortable truths) please go straight to PALS.

I was dreading my booking in appointment for this exact reason and was relieved I came out unscathed. Stay strong, be happy in yourself. You're growing a person, and that's amazing!

PeterParkerSays Tue 11-Aug-15 17:19:11

It's to do with being outside a BMI range which is known to be safe in pregnancy. You also get the extra scans and appointments if your BMI is too low.

If you want to reduce your BMI, ask your midwife how to do that safely, and ask your GP about exercise when pregnant. Otherwise, just enjoy your pregnancy.

And congratulations. smile

scarednoob Tue 11-Aug-15 17:20:37

It's not a nice thing to hear. I had a BMI of 32 but I'm totally apple shaped with stick legs and arms and a massive gut! I have now been told I have GD but that could have happened anyway. Other than that, it's made no difference - no sonographers or other staff have said anything.

Try not to worry. Yes in an ideal world we'd be thinner, but we're not, and many many women much bigger than you have babies every day. You are pregnant and that's all that matters! Don't let them take the shine off it - just eat as healthily as you can and exercise and you and bubs will be just fine.

pootypootwell Tue 11-Aug-15 17:24:05

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I had a similar experience, but due to low BMI - extra scans, consultant referral, hospital birth. My BMI was marginally low but triggered a different pathway of care in the same way a high BMI would. I was pretty gutted at the time, as it made me feel I was letting my baby down somehow, but I ultimately had a healthy pregnancy and baby, as I'm sure you will too. I would be low risk for any future babies I have, and I may be wrong here but I think the same applies where a woman has a high BMI but a trouble free pregnancy/birth. Try and see the extra monitoring as a positive if you can, and don't feel bad!

CoffeeTwo Tue 11-Aug-15 17:27:14

My bmi is high but had no mention of extra scans aspirin etc maybe she was just overly cautious? Congratulations on your pregnancy, no one has mentioned my weight since so maybe you'll enjoy the rest of your appointments more. Also you may find you lose some weight initially, I'm 25 weeks and haven't yet gained a pound.

LorryHen Tue 11-Aug-15 19:42:15

For me the booking was the worst it got. The consultant I saw at 16 weeks told me it was a waste of time as I don't need the extra care and I haven't gained any weight/ got diabeties/ harmed my baby or anything else. It is horrible how the midwives make you feel but don't let it get to you too much. I'm 30 weeks now and no one has actually mentioned my weight since 12 weeks x

Rosieliveson Tue 11-Aug-15 19:52:08

My BMI is high. I have shared care, it means 2 of my appointments are with a consultant at the hospital rather than the midwife. Other than who does it, the appointment is the same.

I have a glucose test and an extra scan later on too. I was recommended taking aspirin but wasn't happy doing so. I spoke to my GP who agreed with me not taking it.

Try not to worry too much about it. I remind myself that more care cannot be a bad thing in the long run.

violetwellies Tue 11-Aug-15 20:00:38

<sigh>Try being 45 with a first pregnancy, and there's absolutely nothing I could have done to change that.

I just wish there were nicer ways of pointing out our inadequacies.

happymummyone Tue 11-Aug-15 20:04:19

I'm in the same boat, my BMI at booking was 42. I've had the extra scans, extra scans on top of the extra scans because my chub makes it difficult to get a clear picture of the baby, a glucose tolerance test, consultant led care and been made to join a weight management group. With my first pregnancy I was a healthy weight so had two scans and saw the midwife but I tell you something, I'm having a much healthier pregnancy this time!! Only put on 5lbs, not had any UTIs, my blood pressure is better, I've passed my glucose tolerance test. Everything is well and I'm sure youngish be too. They are very cautious, sometimes annoyingly so.

Stroan Tue 11-Aug-15 20:12:39

I agree with the previous posters who said that the booking in was the worst (although not nearly as embarrassing as I expected). Every other appointment has been so positive and weight hasn't even been mentioned. I had to push and push for a referral to a healthy lifestyle service.

I did have one snarky comment from a midwife in maternity assessment who told me it would be hard to find the heartbeat because of the extra padding. But it was late and very busy so putting it down to a bad day.

I'm getting extra care/scans etc but trying to see it as a good thing - we'll be well looked after and I get to see the baby three more times than expected.

My only regret is that my BMi is too high for a waterbirth. but even with a healthier BMI, there is no guarantee I'd get a waterbirth anyway.

fhdl34 Tue 11-Aug-15 20:13:11

My bmi was 57 with my first baby. They thought I would get gestational diabetes, high BP, pre-eclampsia - I got none.
I had aspirin in 1st pregnancy but in 2nd pregnancy when my bmi had dropped to 49 I didn't get aspirin as they knew my BP wasn't an issue.
And re the cuff make sure they always use the correct sized cuff, I always insisted on it as when they tried to cram my arm in a small one I would get false highs. And I always insisted they took it manually as with a machine I got higher and often inaccurate readings too.
At least you get to see the baby more often with extra scans, I found it more of a hassle second time around as I had to take the first one with me too. And having a high bmi does not mean you will gain weight, I weighed the same at delivery as I did pre-conception.
Congratulations, try to enjoy it and let them worry about anything they think might go wrong, it could be worry for nothing

GetTheFudgeOutOfRodge Tue 11-Aug-15 20:14:23

I was the same as you OP.
I had to have extra scans, see a consultant, go to a specific hospital for the birth (never heard of the aspirin thing before?) and I was very embarrassed about it all, I felt like I was being judged as an unfit mum before DD was even here.
It's never nice to have your weight made an issue of, whether your BMI is a bit or low.

It's hard, but try to look at it as just getting the best care possible for your baby in the current circumstances.
By third trimester I was quite relieved that is had extra scans and care and knew I was going to the best place possible and in the end my weight didn't affect my pregnancy or birth in any way.

Congratulations on your good news, try not to let this overshadow it. flowers

LumpySpaceCow Tue 11-Aug-15 20:22:34

My BMI has been over 30 with all pregnancies and never been made to feel any different, have extra scans etc. I even planned hb for first two with no issues.
I saw Dr last pregnancy which was a waste of time and just asked them to put me back to midwifery led -which they did. Do some research about the risks etc. You don't have to do anything you don't want. There is a good site for women in similar positions
Try not to get upset and just focus on having a healthy pregnancy. I am the healthiest in pregnancy and always weigh about a stone less when babe is born. Eat well and exercise x

pocopearl Tue 11-Aug-15 20:29:27

I have not had booking in yet but I will be as I failed to lose much of DS1 baby weight.
I remember with DS that I cried over a lot of things which didnt end up mattering e.g. I just missed being over the limit last time and i thought i was well under as when them midwife did my height i was half an inch shorter and i just cried and cried there and then. I did end up though as a high risk because i had had skin cancer during my pregnancy and i did get extra scans etc which was a relief. I think the worst part for me was having to be induced and not being able to have the water birth that i wanted.
Just try to be as healthy as you can and dont eat for 2 and you will be fine.

AmpleRaspberries Tue 11-Aug-15 20:56:46

I'm in the same boat OP. BMW over 30 with dd, and am likely to be even higher this time. Got booking appt next week and hoping the midwife isn't the same as the one when I had dd, who I felt looked down on me in the way she referred to my bmi.

Luckily she left and I had a lovely midwife for the rest of my pregnancy who never mentioned it again.

I took aspirin on the consultants advice after a history of mc, but was signed off from the consultant once I got passed the previous mc dates. I went on to have a quick, natural birth in a midwife led unit so it caused no additional problems. I had the gd test but was fine. I was offered a water birth at the hospital but dd had other ideas and I never had time to get to the water birth room grin

Two years on and I don't really care what that first midwife thought.

superbabysmummy Tue 11-Aug-15 21:21:14

If it's any consolation I was told with DD1 that I had a high BMI (can't remember what it was now) & that I was a manual handling risk! I cried too, a lot.

Was referred to a specialist consultant who basically told me the midwife was wasting his time and not to worry...

Hospital midwives didn't seem too worried either, there was no drama about my size or weight, the only drama was created by my community midwife.

Congratulations on your pregnancy smile

Karelia81 Tue 11-Aug-15 21:27:17

Fwiw my bmi is normal but I'm still on extra scans / aspirin / have to have GTT test / consultant led and no choice about hospital birth because of raised blood pressure and family links to diabetes. Don't let them make you feel bad.

It's a game of predicting who will have complications and following current guidance, which is dealt with differently by different midwives / trusts. Hopefully everything will be fine for you and baby, but they are there to support if things don't quite go to plan, not to judge.

frasersmummy Tue 11-Aug-15 21:39:40

I have no idea what my bmi is . don't want to know ... its high I know that

The fact you conceived proves your body is working beautifully no matter what your bmi. I think they have to spell out all the risks at the beginning so you can be prepared.

You will enjoy the extra scans.. its nice to see your baby develop.

Although they tell you now you need to be consultant led you will have the chance to sit down with your consultant and discuss your options.

At this stage your hormones will be driving your emotions as well and therefore things said will be affecting you perhaps a bit more than they normally would

Is there any point in me saying relax and try to enjoy the pregnancy probably not.. so I will say this .. there are thousands of large mums with healthy kids

Northernlurker Tue 11-Aug-15 22:11:11

Well first of all CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy. You're going to be somebody's mum! How wonderful smile Your body can make a whole person - that's fantastic, what a good job your body is doing sustaining this pregnancy smile

There are a couple of things to bear in mind that leap out at me from your post and other peoples too. Firstly - you have a high BMI. So do I, so do lots of mums. High BMI does not remove our capacity to think and reason nor does it mean we will necessarily have an unhealthy pregnancy and complicated birth. The additional interventions that usually feature in managing a woman with high BMI should all be evidenced based (and you can ask them to give you that evidence) and they are all options for your care. NOBODY CAN FORCE YOU TO ACCEPT ANY INTERVENTION OR TREATMENT. That would be assault. It's up to you what you accept and what, if anything, you decline.

The referral to the anethesthetist (how the hell do you spell that!) is about meeting them to talk about potential issues in delivery. Anything they suggest, anything the consultant suggests is optional. You don't have to have it. Ask them to give you the evidence that shows what they are suggesting will give you a better chance of a good outcome, then ask them to show you by how much that intervention improves the chance of a good outcome over not having it. You might decide it's an intervention you want, you might decide youre happy to decline it. Either way it will be your decision. Inform yourself, be proactive and assertive. This is your pregnancy not theirs.

If the way they are approaching you makes you feel down about your pregnancy then say so to them. You are Sjd114 who is pregnant and has a high BMI. You are NOT the High BMI pregnancy. You're you and they need to talk to you with respect and engagement as they provide care for you and your baby.

I recommend this book It's not some sort of woo pregnancy 'enjoy the pain' manual. It's about reminding you that you the woman are doing a marvellous thing that you're designed to do and you are the centre of this process, not anybody else and especially not any hospital procedure or regulation.

The other thing I would recommend is staying active. Keeping active will help keep your BP down and your blood sugar within norms. If you can swim, keep swimming. If you like to walk, keep walking. If you cycle, keep cycling - I managed up to 39 weeks (slowly) grin. And tell every health care professional you meet that you want to be active and move around in labour. It's their job to provide you with safe ways to do that. If I've learnt anything from having three dcs its this - upright and moving in labour is a Good Thing, being immobile is not.

Keep posting for support too. There are so many people on this site who will have been through what you've had today. It's our job to carry you along a bit. Lean on us smile

MrsNuckyThompson Tue 11-Aug-15 22:22:09

I was closely monitored due to a chronic medical condition. One advantage : extra scans are lovely!! Everyone else gets one at 12 and 20 weeks then usually has to wait another 20 weeks til their baby is born. I saw my baby moving around on screen every other week from 20 weeks, was great!!

Also you could always use this as a great incentive to get healthy. Eat well, no booze (obvs) and some gentle exercise. Think to yourself you're doing it all for your baby. Might give you a kick start.


babybear9 Wed 12-Aug-15 13:51:47

Sending hugs. I was put under consultant care for my first too as BMI 37. Had extra growth scan, asprin and GTT (glucose) test. All was totally fine and normal. It was a hassle with extra appointments. This time round i'm 39.8 so have triggered the 40+ extras so two extra scans and back under consultant care so just extra appointments.
All the scans i've been for it has on them 'technically difficult scan to due high maternal BMI' makes you feel like absolute shit (there was no mention when i went for a private early one and it was the best pic we saw so i just put it down to incompetence and rubbish technology on NHS). Try not to worry - it makes me feel embarrassed and crap every time it's mentioned (big cuff too!) but at the end of the day i've provided a lovely safe house for my first and so far my 2nd pregnancy too and there were any related issues to my weight for either baby and nor did i develop diabetes. Hang in htere. It's awful we're made to feel so rubbish by them but you're not alone. Congrats on the pregnancy x

annatha Wed 12-Aug-15 14:05:29

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Its rubbish when midwives are arsey about your bmi. I know that its their job to inform us of extra risks etc but there's no need for a guilt trip. When I was pg with my first I enquired about waterbirths as I didn't know anything about labour and the midwife looked me up and down and said "not a chance for you dear, you're too big". angry anyway I wanted to post to tell you that I had a bmi of 39.something in my first pg and sailed through pregnancy, had a wonderful natural labour and needed no interventions. I know every labour is different but just because you have a high bmi it doesn't mean your labour will definitely need interventions. I'm 26 weeks with my second (bmi now bang on 40 so an extra scan and anethetist app compared to last time) and touch wood all is well again. As others have said, enjoy the extra scans towards the end and just carry on as normal smile

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