Am I unreasonable?(4 Posts)
Where do I start...
I am 6 months pregnant (my first OH 4th).
I work and my partner is self employed working from home. We live on a family farm in our own house and his parents next door.
My partners business is ticking along but not as busy as we would like. He has suffered with demotivation because of this. I know that he doesnt really 'start' work until after he's been over to his mums for coffee at around half 10.
I had to question yesterday what he had been doing all day as when I get home from work I pack up any dispatches that need sending. This is the first time I have questioned him even though there have been many an occasion where very little 'work' seems to have been done. The reason it got too much last night was because I decided I would go and finish off some decorating and he just slept on the sofa (its was about 5:30pm. I was painting and could here the dog crying to be let out and he didn't go.
The reason he gave was that he didn't sleep very well the night before and was just chilling all day.
We have SO much that needs to be done to our (rented from his family) house. The bay's nursery is currently his workshop so that needs to be moved downstairs. The area downstairs needs to be cleared. We need to build a porch/conservatory (which he will build) before the baby arrives so we have a room for the dogs to be 'away' from the baby.
We argued about this about 3 weeks ago when it all got on top of me then and I was accused of criticizing him and nagging, the same last night, although one comment was that the more he gets nagged (this is the first time I have brought it up in 3 weeks) the less likely it is to get done or it won't change his idea of when it will get done (apparently before the baby arrives). I thought that as he now knew how much it was bothering me he may try and get it done sooner.... now another argument (tried to talk) and I am making him feel critisised again.
The past weeks since we have argued have been quite tense but 2 nights ago he did food whilst I did the decorating and we had a lovely intimate evening, I thought things had gone back to 'normal' and now this again.
I have been feeling very low lately, with body changing and less intimacy between us as he feels strange about sex or we would hurt the baby. So now I feel like I am a nagging partner who cannot fulfill my other half's needs. I am constantly tearful and emotional. I don't know what reply I am expecting here but maybe someone can tell me if I am being unreasonable/hormonal?
Isnt it hard to try and work out your hormones to real life when pregnant!! But I must say, you are not sounding unreasonable to me.. A few questions..
1. Is he a mummy's boy??
2. Could there be another underlying issue? As in, is this regular behaviour for as long as you have known him or has there been a shift in his attitude or behaviour that may be for a particular reason?
3. is the business not working or is he not working the business?
Hi dottie! I don't think you're being unreasonable. My DH is also self-employed (I work full time) and I struggle with his motivation, or lack thereof sometimes. I've also been accused of nagging when I bring it up, though I think it's something that needs discussion. Especially since my work only offers statutory maternity so finances are definitely going to be tight when I'm on leave. I
manipulated tried a different tactic a couple of weeks ago and instead of questioning how much or how hard he's working I said that I was really concerned about money and how much time I'd be able to spend with the baby or would I have to go back to work after a few months. There was a huge increase in his motivation after that and he's been working 6 days weeks ever since! I even had to point out to him the other week like a crazy person quite rationally that once the baby arrives, he's going to need to be home a bit more to help me out!
He is a bit of a mummy's boy. I've always been the proactive one and needing to encourage him. I thought that with the baby due he would be motivated but his attitude is if there are for example, 4 orders (business) then whats the point in doing them all in 2 days (normal rate of work) cause then there'll be no work to do. My argument is you can then start doing stuff that needs doing around the house...drilling things like mirrors, skirting boards, moving out of the baby's nursery, building the conservatory (we've had the blocks to build it for nearly 2 years now)....I give up I really do. I know my emotions are getting the better of me and if I was 'normal' me I would just be ignoring it. I thought pregnancy was supposed to be happy, all I want to do is cry all the time.
Join the discussion
Please login first.