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Pregnancy

Second babies

19 replies

woody17 · 05/08/2015 07:59

Hello - I'm pregnant with dc2. We already have ds1. We didn't want to find out the sex at our 20 week scan but I'm getting more and more frustrated with people assuming that we must want a girl and will be really disappointed if we don't have a girl...even asking if we'd have a third! All we want is for the baby to be healthy and I'd actually love for my ds1 to have a brother! I was just wondering if anyone else is finding this. Thanks x

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SweepTheHalls · 05/08/2015 08:01

Try being on DC 3 with 2 boys already! Everyone asks if we are hoping for a girl. I don't think it is done with any kind of malice though, just it seems a logical question to ask.

PurpleRose864 · 05/08/2015 09:57

Frustrating isn't it. I have 2 ds and a step son that lives with us full time. I'm 34 weeks with another boy and the amount of 'oh poor you' , '4 boys, how will you cope' I had guilt trips even from family! Before I found out what baby was, all I got was I hope it's a girl, must be awful only having boys and everyone sending me pictures of little frilly dresses I felt like I'd let everybody down with their reactions. I've had people on the school run that's never spoken to me before ask if it's a girl this time? Makes me mad. We are happy, baby is healthy! Just smile and wave and ignore people. Congratulations on your baby :)

Superexcited · 05/08/2015 10:30

Yep, I'm on baby number 3, he is a boy and we already have 2 boys. The amount of people who have offered me commiserations and asked if we will try again is just shocking. Even my mum was disappointed after my scan when I announced we were having a boy and said "oh poor you, that's really disappointing but never mind, try not to get too upset about it". I wasn't bloody upset in the slightest, I was just glad that the scan went well and no abnormalities were detected.

stupidgirl45 · 05/08/2015 10:37

Am on DC2 - 20 wk scan in Sept and I have DS already.

It is funny the number of people who've asked if I'm hoping for one of each - as if it's a matching set!

I think there's pro's and con's for either. As superexcited said, I just want the 20week ANOMALY scan to go well. I think people forget that's what it's actually for and I'm worried about that more than anything. Finding out the gender is more just a nice treat after. And means OH and I can start battling it out over names haha

Anyway people just seem to come out with all sorts of crap when you're pregnant. It's like brain to mouth filters don't exist!

Fugghetaboutit · 05/08/2015 10:41

Yes. I'm 18 weeks and find out soon what I'm having.

Everyone has said 'oh please have a girl this time'

I'm now hoping it's a boy just to spite them all! I would also love a brother for ds but even he is asking for a sister!

Mulligrubs · 05/08/2015 10:41

I have a DS and am pregnant with DD now. I found out at the 20 week scan because I don't do surprises

From the minute we told people we were expecting again at 12 weeks we had all those comments "oh I have my fingers crossed for you it's a girl," "you have to find out the sex," "you don't want 2 boys," I was gobsmacked! My DM was the worst, she is the one who said to me once DS was born "I thought I'd be disappointed with a boy but I love him" I was like WTF mum, he is MY baby so why would you even care about the sex. God knows what she'd have been like if this one was a boy, she keeps banging on about it. It is upsetting but you have to let it wash over you.

Fugghetaboutit · 05/08/2015 10:41

What upsets me most is to think when we announce what we're having, they'll be disappointed with another boy :(
He won't be a duplicate of ds1 - he'll be a whole new person with a different personality.

GoooRooo · 05/08/2015 10:43

Yep same happened here. Have a DS and everyone presumed we'd want a girl this time. I actually didn't care!

It turns out we are having a girl which I am delighted with but I am a bit sad that DS won't get a brother.

I'm not having any more though, this is my last baby.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 05/08/2015 10:44

I've got 3 girls and always being told I won't want anymore now. A midwife even said it would be nice if I had a boy next time which makes me feel bad saying I'm happy with my girls

Lightbulbon · 05/08/2015 10:53

Well as a mum of older kids of both genders I'm glad I had both.

As babies/toddlers it doesn't make a difference but as they grow older the effects of societal socialisation inevitably shape your relationship with DSes differently from DDes.

So many mums of tiny babies get so het up about comments like these but maybe in 20 years time you will understand why and be saying the same thing!

cheezypeas · 05/08/2015 10:55

DD2 currently baking away. It will be granddaughter number 4 for my parents. I think secretly they would have liked a boy but thankfully haven't had too many annoying comments about it!

happymummyone · 05/08/2015 10:59

I found out the sex for current pregnancy. Already have DD. people now keep telling me I'm lucky to be having one of each. Now don't get me wrong, I'm excited to be having a son, I had no real preference but What they don't realise is, I'd have actually quite liked DD to have a sister because I couldn't imagine never having had my lovely younger sister!

AmberLav · 05/08/2015 11:01

I got that in my second pregnancy, even comments like, "I really hope for your sake that this one is a girl"! There are plenty of ignorant morons out there, so just roll your eyes and move on...

Dc2 is a girl, and I have no preference whether DC3 is a boy or a girl, I'll find out in December!

AmberLav · 05/08/2015 11:03

Oh, and when asked what I prefer, I reply a giraffe, as they seem to be up on their feet quickly... That normally stops the stupid comments quickly!

Fugghetaboutit · 05/08/2015 11:05

Lightbulb erm...so how can we control what sex we have exactly?!

Dogsmom · 05/08/2015 15:45

It's hard but take no notice, I always wanted girls but still had numerous comments when I was pregnant with dd2 asking if my husband was disappointed! Even the midwife when I was in labour asked if I was going to try for a boy.

Its so much easier, and cheaper, having 2 the same but people assume you must want one of each.

mrstothemr · 05/08/2015 21:21

We're expecting dc2 and had the same the other way around - we have a ds, and when we found out #2 will be a girl I can't tell how many people have congratulated us on being so clever. Actual words. I know they mean it nicely but it almost suggests that a boy wouldn't have been wanted, and I find that makes me quite defensive. I'm sure ds would have loved (and probably preferred!) a baby brother! I'd pictured two boys rough and tumbling and how much he'd love that. But then I am pregnant and therefore probably hormonal right now.

Topsy34 · 05/08/2015 21:25

We have a son who is 6, and we too decided not to find out the sex, everyone assumes you want a girl after a boy.

I would be very happy with another boy, I just want a healthy baby in my arms!

EllyGee85 · 05/08/2015 22:07

Lightbulbon...what?

I have two boys and couldn't give a tiny rats ass that I don't have a girl. Whoever I ended up with I would have been happy with and as it happens both of them are boys well so be it. Are you saying that I'm going to miss out in some way because I have two the same? They're very different to one another so I imagine the dynamic of my relationship with each will be different

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