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2nd trimester now, tricky paternity situation! Blah!

(18 Posts)
sgmjcd123 Mon 03-Aug-15 22:41:21

Okay, 29 July I learned I was 13 weeks and 5 days in.

That means my conception day was 8 May. I slept with an acquaintance 16 days before that on 22 April. Obviously if the US is accurate, he can't be the father. But the tech said USs are accurate 5-8 days in 1st trimester. Let's assume worst case scenario and say it's off 8 days. That makes my conception 30 April.

What would you say the chances are that he could be the father? Can sperm live 8 days? Again, this is assuming the ultrasound is that far off and sperm can survive 8 days.

The other guy I've been sleeping with I started before 22 April and am still sleeping with him now. And yes, both men are aware of the situation.

All I can say is ladies...condoms aren't 100%.

I want the 2nd man to be the father and the 2nd man wants to be the father. The 1st man doesn't want to be. So it would be in everyone's best interests if the 1st man wasn't.

Obviously the 2nd man is more likely, but what are your predictions? I know you aren't magical and can't tell for sure, but I'm not asking for anyone to tell for sure, just to give it your best guess based on your knowledge of ultrasounds and how long sperm can live.

A test will be done on the baby once it's born, but the end of January is a long way to wait with that sort of worry. I'd at least like to have an idea so I can either calm down until then or brace myself with worry.

Oh, and LMP is useless for me. I take progesterone only BC, which along with being less reliable birth control, also makes your periods irregular.

iniquity Mon 03-Aug-15 23:01:17

Extremely unlikely sperm could last 8 days

MagpieCursedTea Mon 03-Aug-15 23:09:29

From what you've said, it sounds like it's the second man.
I also thought based on a storyline in Neighbours that you could get a blood test in pregnancy to determine paternity?

UrethraFranklin1 Tue 04-Aug-15 03:25:01

Nobody can say an exact conception day. Not by US, not by LMP, not by reading tea leaves. Both eggs and sperm can last differing amounts of days before meeting up, implantation doesn't happen to a precise schedule, and US has an accuracy of +/- at least 7 days.
Add that all up and you have a big fat who the hell knows. All that said, mr2 is far more likely. But not definite.

Harmony tests and the like can be used to determine paternity, but are not legally admissable.

MummyBex1985 Tue 04-Aug-15 08:41:36

So you were taking the mini pill AND using condoms but still fell pregnant?

Glindathegoodwitch Tue 04-Aug-15 11:20:10

Mr 2 sounds like he id going to be the baby daddy grin

And yes, I also thought based on a storyline in Emmerdale that you could get a paternity blood test during pregnancy. I do think it needs to be done between certain dates in the pregnancy and maybe similar procedure to amnio which carries it's own risk though

roseformyrose Tue 04-Aug-15 14:58:51

You didn't mention when you slept with Bachelor Number 2 but I assume if it was on a regular basis then you would have had sex with him much closer to your likely ovulation date.

I'd say it's pretty unlikely that Bachelor Number 1 is the daddy, but I feel for you with all the waiting that's to come. Best of luck with it all!

beehappybe Tue 04-Aug-15 15:34:13

I guess another question to ask is what would 2nd man do if it was proven the baby isn't his?
I have known a girl in a similar situation and the guy who wanted to be a father (and whom she wanted it to be the father) eventually said don't worry about it-let's have the baby together anyway no matter what.

Tricky situation, hope it works out for you.
Good luck

sgmjcd123 Tue 04-Aug-15 17:07:40

I was sleeping with man #2 the same time as #1, and long after. In fact, I'm still sleeping with him. But man #1 I haven't touched since 22 April at the latest.

"Nobody can say an exact conception day. Not by US, not by LMP, not by reading tea leaves. Both eggs and sperm can last differing amounts of days before meeting up, implantation doesn't happen to a precise schedule"

It's certainly true that no one knows conception day exactly, but I was told implantation doesn't factor into it at all. Development begins at conception and continues independent of whenever implantation happens. For instance, let's say two women conceive on the same day. Woman #1 implants after 5 days, and woman #2 implants after 10 days. When they go for their dating ultrasounds, their fetuses would have the same gestational age, except for the potential difference from the margin of error.

Man #1 is only possible if the ultrasound could be off 9 days or more, and his sperm could last more than 7 days. I'm just wondering if anyone knows the likelihood of a 13-14 week ultrasound being off 9 days and sperm living more than 7 days.

mrsatkinson Tue 04-Aug-15 17:12:35

I was under the impression sperm lived for 72 hours. I don't know this for definite though. fingers crossed it's man number 2.

KittyandTeal Tue 04-Aug-15 17:14:56

I'm pretty sure you can get a prenatal dna test. Works in the same way as a harmony test using free dna from the baby and comparing it to dna from both men. I have a feeling it may be pretty pricy but it could be split 3 ways is everyone wants to know

Diggum Tue 04-Aug-15 17:28:00

I've never heard of sperm lasting that long. 5 days max is the usual line.

The earlier you were scanned the more accurate the dates will be.

I'm calling this for guy #2.

Congrats and I hope you get the confirmation you hope for!

sgmjcd123 Tue 04-Aug-15 23:36:18

I've heard the prenatal paternity tests can be risky since they're invasive. I don't want to risk a problem just for something I'll find out early next year.

Has anyone heard that a 13-14 week ultrasound can be off 9 days or more?

sgmjcd123 Tue 04-Aug-15 23:59:30

Sorry for double posting, but I thought of something else and can't edit.

www.acog.org/Resources-And-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Obstetric-Practice/Method-for-Estimating-Due-Date

Table 1 has something that reads "Discrepancy Between Ultrasound Dating and LMP Dating That Supports Redating." I know that means "If the ultrasound date and LMP date is this far off during this time, use the ultrasound date." But do those days serve as the margins of error as well? I noticed the trimester 1 paragraph states that CRL is accurate to 5-7 days before the 14th week, and the "redating" range is the same as well. Does what I'm asking make sense? Does that mean weeks 14-16 are accurate within 7 days as well, as the chart shows? Or is the redating range its own animal?

curlii103 Wed 05-Aug-15 06:47:17

I was pretty sure I knew when I conceived...irregular periods too so lmp would mean I should have a 2 wk old by now!..my dating scan put me at 10 wks ( which should be more accurate as relatively early) put me out by 8 days..... I'd say it's pretty unlikely. Sperm live for 5 days but typically I think con eption tends to be within 72 hrs......

KittyandTeal Wed 05-Aug-15 08:00:31

Oh I thought the prenatal tests were non invasive blood tests.

If it's an amnio type thing then I'd leave it.

sgmjcd123 Wed 05-Aug-15 13:59:53

"my dating scan put me at 10 wks ( which should be more accurate as relatively early) put me out by 8 days....."

Sorry, can you reword this? I don't understand what you mean. English isn't my first language so that might be the problem.

"Sperm live for 5 days but typically I think con eption tends to be within 72 hrs......"

I saw a study done on pubmed relating to this, actually. They tested a couple hundred women to find out how far from ovulation they could conceive. Over 90% of women conceived within 3 days of ovulation, but only a small percentage conceived more than 5 days from ovulation. A couple conceived six days from ovulation. Mobile sperm have been found in the reproductive system of women, also.

So the chances of getting pregnant past 3 days falls, but it's still possible up to 7.

lauraa4 Wed 05-Aug-15 15:01:31

I think what PP meant was that sperm can live for 5 days inside you but you most likely will have already become pregnant after 72 hours anyway.

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