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mums reaction to pregnancy?

(13 Posts)
Emmalbae Sun 02-Aug-15 17:32:10

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 18 months now. we moved in together four months ago and i am now 6.5/7 weeks pregnant. We earn a decent wage between us with about £600 disposable income a month so we live comfortably. we are 22/24 so not in any way to young and we are both fully committed to each other.
Ever since me and boyfriend got together my mums and mines relationship has become very distant. she has made no effort to get to know him and tells me horrible things like 'i hope you realise because his brothers got downs syndrome if you have children i bet you'll have a downs baby to and it'll be all his fault' which is 100 per cent rubbish as we have no more risk of downs than anyone else. she is unable to accept the fact that i am now an adult and just says i've abounded her and i don't care which is so untrue as i've tried numerous times to speak to her but she just shouts and screams at me so we can't ever just talk.
i have the full support of my dad and my grandma (dads mum). Her reaction to my pregnancy is shes very 'angry and upset' and 'you have made your bed now lie in it' and 'sit down and have a long hard think about what you have done' my poor dad is having to put up with her ranting and shouting at him about it and i feel so guilty like its my fault for causing him all this stress i have no idea what to do when she will not allow a conversation?

jaffacake2 Sun 02-Aug-15 17:40:17

Congratulations on your pregnancy !
Your mother is having problems making the transition from you being a teenager who she feels responsible for and the competent grown woman you are now. Hopefully she will adapt but until she does I would advice you to speak to her as adult to adult. Don't let her reduce you to the child. Lots of I statements egg I feel sad that you are not ex tied about the baby, I feel disappointed when you talk to me like that. Perhaps then she will start to rethink her attitude.
Hope all Goss well for you and your new family.

jaffacake2 Sun 02-Aug-15 17:41:54

Sorry predictive texts driving me mad !! Hope you can see the message

happymummyone Sun 02-Aug-15 17:55:00

While you're pregnant, it's a potential 'problem', when you have that baby, it will be a much loved grandchild no doubt. She can't see further than the end of her nose! Although the telling you how to raise your child will probably continue...

babsbunny Sun 02-Aug-15 18:12:12

OP. Firstly, congratulations!

Jaffacake makes some good points.
Remain calm and be the adult in this situation. Sometimes mums (been there with mine) have trouble with their little girls growing up. Especially when they have different opinions or make different choices to what they ideally want.
Express calmly that you are disappointed with her reactions and hope that after thought she will be able to be happy and excited about her future grandchild.
All the best.

leadcrow Sun 02-Aug-15 20:27:57

Sounds like your mum isn't a very nice person tbh sad my advice is don't let her put a damper on your good news...births weddings and funerals always seem to bring out the worst in some people...it's a pity but if you and your partner are happy that's all that matters smile x

Cornberry Sun 02-Aug-15 20:45:22

When I told my mum I was pregnant she said "oh fuck"even though I'm 33. She came round though and now she's really excited and helpful and supportive. Your mum isn't being very nice but give her time to get used to the idea and to realise what's important. Her attitude will probably change over the next few weeks and months.

lauraa4 Sun 02-Aug-15 23:14:12

Congratulations on your pregnancy! smile

Don't worry this behaviour and attitude towards you will pass. When my partner told his mum all she said was 'for gods sake' and then we had a few weeks of some ridiculous comments. Now with only 7 weeks to go she's beside herself with excitement.

mrstothemr Mon 03-Aug-15 06:43:41

Congratulations op! You sound very sorted and in a brilliant place to start a family

Agree with pp, but just wanted to add that she may - in a bizarre, not at all appropriate or timely way - be trying to protect you. Did she get married young? Or feel like she maybe had choices taken away?

What she's doing says more about her than you, it must be horrible to go through but you've probably got two routes - spend enough time & effort uncovering & then dealing with her issues (this will probably put you back in the 'child' seat, which ultimately she might like) or you stand strong as an adult and just deal with it as unacceptable behaviour.

Your dad esp sounds fab, imagine by how you say he's being that he sees it blowing over x

newbian Mon 03-Aug-15 07:22:31

It sounds more like she doesn't like your partner than anything else. You mention that you two drifted apart after you got together with him. It's possible of course that your mother is entirely at fault for this, but maybe you could attempt to get them together and build their relationship so that she doesn't feel so hostile? I don't think the pregnancy is really her problem, it's just that it represents a permanent commitment to this man that she has a problem with for whatever reason.

Sighing Mon 03-Aug-15 07:26:53

Congratulations! Unfortunately (in my experience) making announcements does bring out the worst in many (my mum a really prime example).
flowers back away from her negative conversations as calmly as you can and make it clear you're willing to talk about it adult to adult when she is.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Mon 03-Aug-15 10:42:17

When I got pregant with my first my mum got very upset and angry and didn't speak to me for 2 weeks. She then became so excited she almost exploded.

I was a similar age to you and I don't think we've quite grown up in their head yet so it's like us being 16 and telling them. Then they start thinking about wonderful squishy babies.

However, it does sound like there were some issues before the pregnancy and her behaviour towardsyour partner. Hopefully being a grannie wiill mellow her.

Congratulations!!

Newtothis24 Mon 03-Aug-15 11:47:47

Hello, I completely feel your pain. I'm 23 and my partner is 26. When I told my mum she was absolutely thrilled however telling my partners mum was an awful experience. I have never felt so awkward and due to overwhelming hormones as it is it, thought I was going to burst into tears in front of her whilst she went on about how unhappy she was / and how the hell did we think it's a good idea/will she ever have grandchildren born in wedlock. The list was endless and a lot of awkward silence. It was horrible and after my mums reaction not what I was really expecting!
However a couple of days later my partner received a text apologising and she had come around to the idea... The next time I saw her she still didn't mention it but I guess it will take a while. But I am sure your mum will eventually come around to the idea and I'm glad you do have other support networks within your family - don't feel guilty about it, your dad is never going to blame you for how your mum is reacting. You sound ready and prepared with a good lifestyle for a baby, probably more so than me! Try giving her some space and time, and maybe try texting her about the matter in a few days/week rather than speaking face to face if it always turns into a screaming match, that won't be good for you or baby! Hope she realises what she will be missing out on and in the mean time, be excited with your partner and Pinterest cute baby things to make you feel happier smile xx

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