AIBU re. Weekend away?(15 Posts)
(I was going to post in AIBU? But can't be bothered with all the 'ungrateful cow' responses so thought I'd ask the equally-hormonal! )
My husband booked a surprise weekend away for my upcoming birthday before we found out I was pregnant.
brownie points alotted however, when the birthday comes round, I'll be 33 weeks pregnant with twins.
DH has asked me if I would still like to go and I asked him to give me. Some details so I can make a choice - and here's where it becomes difficult - but he won't tell me anything!
The things I've asked, to base my decision on:
Is it close to home? No
How far will we need to drive? A couple of hours for initial activity, some walking, then drive another hour to hotel
What's the activity? Not telling, coz then it wouldn't be a surprise...
Is the walking on flat/hills/beach,etc? Not telling, coz then it wouldn't be a surprise...
Where is the nearest hospital? Not telling, coz then it wouldn't be a surprise...
You get the idea!!
So, am I being utterly unreasonable to tell him that if he won't give me any more info I am absolutely not going!? Or should I accept that there will be a hospital somewhere should anything happen, be grateful he's been wonderful enough to book a surprise treat and just go?
Argh! I don't know what to do!
I'd be insistent on the "how near is it go a hospital with all the facilities" at 33 weeks with twins. I had a singleton at 35 weeks so I know I'm over cautious though. He doesn't have to tell you where, just that there's one near (or not!)
How are you feeling at the moment? Would be feel OK to do some sort of activity?
I guess it depends if he understands how you might feel physically or not too. As in, do you think he'd book something suitable?
Just tell him that you can't make a decision on whether to go or not without more detail, and that since you aren't a small child, a surprise is not the important bit here.
Could you ask him if he honestly thought it would be OK if you went into labour whilst you were away/doing the mystery activity? I'm assuming that's your main concern & he's sensible enough to want the best for you and your twins! At 33 wks with DS 1 I could still take on the world and win, but with twins I think I'd be a bit more cautious!
I feel your pain by the way. I had exactly the same thing when I was pregnant, DH booked a speedboat trip for my birthday 6 months in advance and then we had to cancel it Still haven't found time to give it a second chance....!
A surprise is a surprise whenever you find out. I'm 21 weeks with twins and I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable going to an unknown location for an unknown activity at 33 weeks.
It's a really tough situation, but I think you need to be really honest but firm and say that you're not comfortable with the trip unless you have at least a general outline of where you're going and what you're doing. Tell him how much you appreciate his planning, but there's enough uncertainty in pregnancy as it is without getting anxious over something that should be enjoyable.
I'm currently 31 weeks with twins and I would absolutely not feel comfortable with a surprise trip away. It would stress me out no end. Would I need to take hospital bag? Would I be comfortable with the local hospital - distance, facilities etc? Where would I be sleeping? What would I be doing during the day?
I have managed to get him to reveal a few details which have put me more at ease.
Firstly, the activity is something like walking round a museum/gallery type thing, so plenty of opportunity to sit down/rest.
The nearest hospital is the RVI in Newcastle, which is actually a better hospital than the one I'm booked in at! My maternity notes come everywhere with me anyway, and I'll have packed my hospital bag by that point so will be able to chuck that in the boot just in case.
It is lovely that he wants to plan a surprise for you, but I don't think surprises are what you need at 33 weeks pregnant with twins!
From the details he's given you, it sounds like a relatively relaxing, non-strenuous trip with the added bonus of having a good hospital nearby. I would go and enjoy yourself!
Are you looking forward to it or does the thought of it stress you out? I hate not being in control so I'd find it difficult but if you're feeling positive about it now you have the extra information then it could be a lovely get away pre twins. Is it easily cancell-able if things change?
If you think you'll be comfortable then go ahead! Make sure you have hospital bag, etc, though!
OH and I went to Southampton (we live in Edinburgh) for two weeks (I was 33weeks) to visit his family, cue 1 week at home and I was giving birth (36weeks).. We were going to leave it an extra week before going but didn't luckily!
We had booked a week away to Cornwall (3 hour drive) before I knew I was having twins. We cancelled as I would have been 33 weeks pregnant. Our twins arrived the following week and would have been born in Cornwall!
Is the RVI the closest hospital for the activity or the hotel stay? Drive an hour in one direction or the other and the RVI is unlikely to remain closest hospital. Sorry to nit pick just don't want you basing your decision on the fantastic RVI!
How pregnant are you now? Is it something that could be moved forward by a month or 2. So that way he still gets to do the weekend (and you still get lovely surprise) but is done at a time you feel more comfortable with (and at a time you might enjoy it more)?
I'd be telling him that you'd rather forsake the surprise element for some peace of mind about what you're going to be doing! Quite frankly at that stage of pregnancy if have been happy with a weekend of hotel breakfasts and sleeping whenever the urge took me
Ok Worse case scenario, what if you do give birth at a hospital far from home and the babies need additional care, requiring a longer hospital stay. How would you feel about it?
I think if I was feeling ok, then I'd go for it. Providing the activities weren't too strenuous and I felt able.
I've only had singletons though!
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