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Sense of impending doom......

(7 Posts)
Emjones88 Sun 02-Aug-15 10:11:07

Feel really shit today. Have cried all morning and not moved from bed. DH asked what's wrong and eventually I got out that, if our relationship is already not what it was, due to tiredness, stress and hormones, it's only going to be worse with a baby in the mix....

We're not as close as we can be ATM, he doesn't show much interest in me physically, or that much in the baby but "wants to be a part of it all the way", except when I try to engage him in conversation about things (although a little better after a previous whinge chat).

DH is caring and is trying but missing the mark sometimes. I'm trying to tell him in a way that where he doesn't get hurt but I just end up feeling like I am probably whining or nagging and nothing changes. Just I feel lower. And then all that turns him more off (in every sense) his fat, hormonal pregnant wife....

I've even been thinking that I don't really want the baby. Which on all honesty isn't the first time it's been thought...... And then I feel even worse. And I feel a lot of pressure to not fuck up. There's a lot of people who want this baby in their lives. And it seems his mum is the least desiring...... My heart hurts writing this but no where else to say it.

Rosenwyn1985 Sun 02-Aug-15 10:41:44

I'm not sure that I'll be much help but you sound like you need a chat and I didn't want to just ignore this. I have a fantastic husband who I love very much but even though we rarely argue I'm seriously snappy with him. Even down to getting him a drink and when he asks what it is I bite back with "its a drink, obviously". What I'm trying to say is you may find hormones are playing a big part in how you feel. It might be worth talking to your midwife about this and seeing if you can get some prenatal councilling. Prenatal depression is a condition and can be crippling. How far along are you? Have you spoken to your midwife about this? I would try to sit down and tell your husband exactly how you feel. !maybe write it out first so you don't get carried away in the moment. Best of luck

Emjones88 Sun 02-Aug-15 10:50:18

20 weeks. Had suffered with depression in the past. Never had it treated or officially written down at the doctors but did mention it to midwife at booking in. DH has said we will chat when he gets back. But not sure how it can go.... Thank you tho

Junosmum Sun 02-Aug-15 11:02:37

Sorry to hear how you're feeling. Sounds like hormones are exacerbating some pre-existing feelings and combined with tiredness are really doing your nut in. You need to speak to your partner but also to a professional, such as your midwife. Explain to partner that you understand a lot of this has to do with your hormones and your feelings and give him some practical ways he can help- a hug, a compliment, doing a bit more round the house? But that you are also going to chat to someone about it.

As for not wanting the baby- was this a planned pregnancy? If it was think about why you decided to try and focus on that. If it wasn't planned then focus on why you've gone ahead, even if that's just that you couldn't face the alternative.

Yes your relationship Will change with a baby but it would change anyway, time changes everything, just not in such obvious ways.

Take extra care of yourself at this time- relaxing baths, going for a walk, out with friends etc. And don't beat yourself up about feeling this way. It's totally ok and normal!

Rosenwyn1985 Sun 02-Aug-15 11:46:09

Agree with Juno, you need to try to implement practical ways things can improve. Even if it is just asking for hubby to do the washing so you can go out for a walk. If you've suffered from depression you know how exhausting and overwhelming that can be. You are also more likely to relapse. Definitely ask your midwife for support, a referral etc.

I know you say "if this is what it's like now, what about when the baby comes" but keep in mind that hubby can be involved then where he can't now. I worried a lot about that first time but after a few hiccups it did get easier. I'm now 37 weeks pregnant with number two and desperate for the birth. Yes I'll be sleep deprived but I already am. When baby is here I can sleep early evening and hubby will stay up for last feed (we use formula but you could express). I'll be able to get several solid hours (whereas now I'm lucky to get one). Your hormones are all over but they settle somewhat after birth too. And finally should you need medication you can take it and formula feed instead. The first few weeks of being a new mum are intense but I honestly find pregnancy worse!

Emjones88 Sun 02-Aug-15 13:31:03

Thank you ladies. I will bring it up with the midwife as she can help and keep an eye out.

DH came home with flowers and asking how he can help and gave reassurance. Love him lots. We have had a little chat and between that and this I feel a bit better. It had been building and this morning over flowed and all felt very gloomy.

So true about relationships changing anyway and if you go together with it you grow together - new mantra perhaps.

Thank you

Rosenwyn1985 Sun 02-Aug-15 13:55:33

Just message me if you need to vent. Best of luck! Glad you're feeling a bit better.

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