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I'm not doing enough!

(13 Posts)
ShebaShimmyShake Thu 30-Jul-15 22:12:28

Just had my 20 week scan, all is well, it's a boy. But surely I should be doing more?

I don't know whether to shell out £200 for the NCT antenatal classes or if the NHS ones would be fine. I don't know what my birth preferences are other than 'survive process with healthy child and as little pain and damage as possible'. According to the brick of leaflets I was given at my first midwife appointment, it's too soon to get the whooping cough vaccine, or the flu jab, or to start perineal massage. I don't know what hypnobirthing is. On the one hand a waterbirth looks like it could have benefits but I don't really want to sit in a pool of blood and waste. I don't know how to look after a newborn or what to do as he grows (weaning when? How? Teething when and how? What exactly do you do once you have a baby?)

On the one hand it feels like information overload, endless books and websites about pregnancy and postnatal life, and yet on the other I just have a midwife appointment every couple of months, no more scans, NHS classes if I choose them and is that enough?

Does anyone else go weeks at a time without really doing anything except taking a weekly bumpy and wondering what the hell is wrong with the situation?

UrethraFranklin1 Thu 30-Jul-15 22:17:04

You don't need to be doing anything at all, it all happens whatever you do. You could write a birth plan if you like but I neither see the point of one or see why you'd need it for several months anyway. You don't need to know about weaning or teething for a year. Read a book closer to the time.

Just get on with you life. People obsess far too much about being pregnant. It't not really an active process, you don't need to do fuck all.

mummyneedinganswers Thu 30-Jul-15 22:34:12

There's not much you can be doing to be honest. Just enjoy being pregnant if you can. and whilst books are good don't get sucked in by glorified examples and how it should be. My midwife said reading too much and researching can be a burden because woman then have an expectation of how it should be and then end up disappointed when its not like that x

Newtobecomingamum Thu 30-Jul-15 22:35:48

Just breathe... Wow got dizzy reading your post lol. Relax as stressing isn't going to be helpful. Take one step and stage at a time, don't even be witting about teething and weening etc. Do you have a good pregnancy week by week book? Your choice to book NCT if you wish you can find out info on their website and also reviews online as mixed opinions on them. I found them really helpful.

Newtobecomingamum Thu 30-Jul-15 22:36:20

Thinking not witting

HollyJenni Thu 30-Jul-15 23:24:23

I do know how you feel. It's kind of like you are told you are pregnant and people expect uou to know everything all the time and I know nothing lol. I can't even remember what my midwife said to me yesterday lol x please don't worry though.

kbro79 Fri 31-Jul-15 10:48:54

Honestly at 20 weeks we had done nothing. None of the things you mention. Due to being a bit superstitious we hadn't even bought anything. Currently 40 weeks and know nothing about weaning or teething. As for the birth plan my midwife said not to worry about that until much nearer the time as if baby comes early you won't be following your plan anyway. I didn't do mine till 36 weeks and it basically says 'let's see how it goes'. Pregnancy came be horribly overwhelming at times but you have ages to work everything out. Try not to stress (much easier said than done, I know!)

Cheshirehello79 Fri 31-Jul-15 11:14:28

I'm 22 weeks and half of the things the consultant tells me or midwife goes of the roof ( all the medical terminologies etc) as long as baby is developing ok and there's heart beat I'm good.

I used to look at the pregnancy app week after week and what you should expect - I've stopped now cause got boring. I've got books / leaflets etc .. But can't be arsed.

The only proactive thing I've done is try get organised with baby stuff so that I'm prepared and that will give me space and time to think about all the other stuff..

This will be my first child and have no clue about nothing at all so going with the flow I'm a big believer on the saying your maternal instincts will just kick in when the baby arrives so looking forward to that - if it doesn't happen then Houston we've got a problem!

Sit back relax, and enjoy your pregnancy I look forward to little kicks and movements now and then even that I didn't know what it was in the beginning I just thought it was wind and body spasm. So Sheba I'm sure you'll learn everything along the way . Congrats in your pregnancy :-)

TitusAndromedon Fri 31-Jul-15 11:30:44

I'm 21 weeks and doing very little at the moment apart from getting some necessities together for when my babies are born. I have signed up for NCT, but that doesn't start until September.

For both my husband and me, the most helpful thing we have done was take a tour of the maternity unit at our hospital. They do an open morning every three months and they showed us all the different wards and talked about options for birth, such as where we would go for an induction, a water birth, the quiet birthing rooms, the recovery ward, etc. I found it really reassuring to get an initial glimpse of where we will be, so it will be a bit more familiar when the time comes. Perhaps you could see if your hospital offers something similar.

LilacWine7 Fri 31-Jul-15 11:36:53

I found it all sort of falls into place as the pregnancy progresses. I'm 33weeks now but I left it quite late to organise most things...eg. I didn't book NCT classes until I was 28weeks as couldn't decide whether or not to do them, only got a travel system recently, still haven't got a cot or packed my hospital bag. Around 20weeks I felt overwhelmed by all the things I 'needed' to do but didn't actually do much until the third trimester. A few weeks ago I finally booked aqua-natal classes and yesterday I booked active-birth classes and a water-birth class (like you I'm not sure if I want a water birth, but my local hospital does a one-off class where they show you the facilities and talk you through the pros and cons to help you decide).

Try to relax. Focus on enjoying your pregnancy and just go with the flow. I didn't feel inspired to learn about labour and birth until I was in 3rd trimester, but this week I've suddenly become very interested in it all and have read lots of books and articles. The closer you get, preparation feels more relevant and less of a 'chore'. I've read up a bit about newborns but won't worry about teething or weaning until much nearer the time.

EdgarAllenPoe Fri 31-Jul-15 14:43:13

I'm 17 weeks and have done nothing and don't plan on doing all that much (it's our first).

Apart from one thing. We're booked on to a baby and infant first aid course for a day. I figure I can muddle through just about everything, but something like this might really make all the difference one day, so it's the one thing we've signed up for. British Red Cross runs courses all over the country, they're about once a month where I live (up north).

Otherwise I'm hoping to go with the flow. I'm not the first person to have a baby after all...

Junosmum Fri 31-Jul-15 15:17:30

I'm 15 weeks and I spend a lot of time on here! I also have just had a wall knocked down and we are building a stud wall and fitting a kitchen in the next 6 weeks! Keeps my mind off bump.

In truth, pregnancy is pretty boring!

goldenhen Fri 31-Jul-15 15:30:20

I'm 17 weeks tomorrow and haven't done much either. I'm not also not really worrying much which almost seems to disappoint some of my female friends on some level, like they want to be a shoulder to cry on. I feel fine! Life still goes on as normal doesn't it? It drives me mad when people go "oh so you'll be selling up and moving out to the country/quitting your job/throwing all your books in the bin then?" NOPE.

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