Advice from new dads needed (and mums)(22 Posts)
Hi I have posted this on dadsnet but as it's fairly quite over there so I copy this here as well:
An expectant mum here, can anyone please recommend a book for newly expectant father that is not patronising, that does not play on stereotypes and that is not trying to be stupidly funny?
My husband tried to read some of the stuff on pregnancy designed for men that is available online and in the Emma’s diary but he says it’s all written for idiots.
I have tried reading some of it and find it patronising as it assumes the “archetypical cave man”; the father waiting in the delivery room smoking a pipe and reading a paper while his wife is going through labour…
I am looking for a modern and intelligent book – a guide for men during pregnancy.
Anything you read while your other half was expecting that you found helpful (and why) or that you read and found stupid (and why).
Of course suggestions from mums welcomed too.
What about reading a book for mums? Preferably the one you're reading? I found the My Pregnancy 2014 quite good if a bit negative (maybe the author had a difficult birth).
The advantage there is that you have the same expectations, so when your book says 'your partner can really support you by doing xyz' or 'make sure you get someone to do all your ironing while you put your feet up' (yeah right) DP has also read that bit and you both have similar expectations and can discuss things beforehand.
I agree that a LOT of the stuff out there is very patronising for both new mums and dads, and is built on tired gender stereotypes ("if you're feeling stressed why not take a long bath with some scented candles?"- I would rather eat cold sick!) but sadly I've not found anything suitable I could recommend! Sorry.
I was about to say the Haynes manual and see theknackster has already linked to it!
Also has been good for showing DS who is 3 what is happening in my tummy with the new baby.
DH is reading this and he isn't the caveman type. Highly recommend it.
My husband has been cracking up at "Marcus Berkmann Fatherhood: The Truth" and one evening in bed suddenly turned to me wide-eyed with fear and said "oh my god do you know what an episiotomy is?!!" So I'm guessing it's quite informative too.
I second the Marcus Berkmann book. I bought it for the OH and read it cover to cover before giving it to him that evening, I didn't intend to I just found it hilarious!
DH is reading "First Time Father" by Tim Mungeam. He's not finding it patronising although some of the format is a bit annoying - trying to be "down with the kids" lol. It's easy to ignore though and the bulk of it is helpful
I think DH is thinking about writing something for first time dads that doesnt stereotype or make them seem rubbish at everything other than football or beer drinking!!
I got my husband this one www.amazon.co.uk/The-Expectant-Dads-Survival-Guide/dp/0091929792/ref=pd_sim_14_13?ie=UTF8&refRID=08HZ1RPZEP46JAAWRVMB
He's reading it, which speaks volumes...
I also got my DH the expectant dad's survival guide.
The Expectant Dad's Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0091929792/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_8fHUvbA21DVS8
He's finished it and when not reading this is pretty damn fussy about his books (think Hemmingway and Tolstoy). It was really good for him, he keeps on starting sentences with 'my book says'... Made him appreciate what I've been going through during the pregnancy and what to expect when the baby is here!
Got The Expectant Dad's Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know for my OH and he loves it, reads it every day!
Not specifically for men, but my OH and I really liked Bumpology by Linda Geddes, it looks at the science behind the myths surrounding pregnancy and is a really interesting read. Might be good as an intro
I Bought my DH the Dean Beaumont one that a pp has linked to, he found it useful and not too patronising. He's an avid reader and a very bright bloke as well as being emotionally intelligent and finds a lot of stuff aimed at new parents unbearable.
My DH liked 'pregnancy for men'
(The author's DW is a MNer!)
My DP likes the expectant dad's survival guide. He kept giggling at it which I was a little concerned about but now that DD is here he's been great and mentions what he read in the book
We used to read the MN and Babycentre developmental calendars together every Sunday as each week went by, rather than a specific pregnancy book.
Also, if he's going to be your birth partner, it's a great idea to make sure you've both read any labour preparation books. We found the Birth Skills book by Juju Sundin brilliant, and because he had read it too, he was completely aware of the techniques I was using and could help me.
Plus, if you are going to breastfeed, make sure he's got his head around that in advance too - the La Leche League's "Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" is excellent, lots of practical info for first few days and weeks when you're both learning, sleep-deprived and a bit overwhelmed!
Thanks for all the suggestions. From all I have seen the The Expectant Dad's Handbook: All you need to know about pregnancy, birth and beyond by Dean Beaumont looks like the most suitable. I intend to read it too.
I find babycentre an excellent source of information but since I work behind the computer all day everyday I like to turn it off and get an actual book in my hands at the end of the day-for that, a trip to a bookshop that has a cafe is my plan (to find a book for me)
InFrance thanks for the additional tips, very useful, I haven't even got that far yet (thinking about birth and breastfeeding..)but good point-will check these out.
In summary here is all others that have been suggested here:
The Expectant Dad's Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know had been mentioned here few times but the negative reviews (constructive and very specific) on Amazon had put me off (as well as the title-since when is fatherhood about survival? Isn't it more about being excited and happy and looking for genuine intelligent advise???-it's this kind of jokey writing style that I find annoying but it might suit others).
Pregnancy For Men: The whole nine months by Mark Woods (again the Amazon reviews from men suggest the tone of the book assumes the reader to be a bit immature..some might be able to ignore this and just take out the facts though)
Other books suggested here:
Fantastic First-Time Father (50 Things You Really Need to Know) by Tim Mungeam
Baby Manual by Ian Banks
Bumpology by Linda Geddes (not spec. for men)
Birth Skills book by Juju Sundin (not spec. for men)
Womanly Art of Breastfeeding La Leche League International and Diane Wiessinger (not spec. for men)
My Pregnancy 2014: The latest research and advice on your pregnancy and birth (not spec. for men)
my dp loved commando dad (not.sure.if.that is.the survival.guide by another name). it's writing by a ex forces chap who.became a stay at home dad. it's all practical stuff and although written in a witty style (baby troopers, bomb disposal for.nappies etc) it isn't at all patronising. I hated some of the books bought for Dp (as did he) full of.helpful.hints about hoe to.still watch the football and avoid emotional women grrrr
Commando Dad is great. I started reading it actually as got fed up with patronising pink books!
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