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telling family at 10 weeks

(23 Posts)
beehappybe Wed 29-Jul-15 21:55:04

Anyone told their parents at 10 weeks? My mum lives abroad and is coming over for a visit we planned a long time ago-I will be almost 10 weeks when she comes over. I know I will not be able to hide it from her plus I think it's much nicer to tell her in person and I don't have a problem with it. The issue is that when we planned this trip we also invited my husband's parents for tea (they don't live too far).
My husband does not want to tell his parents until 12 week scan. I have already had a dating scan at 8 weeks and all was fine and well (reason for early scan was more my paranoia than any serious medical condition). I want to respect my husband's decision about telling his parents but it means either dis-inviting his parents or not telling them while my mum already knows while they are all together which feels strange.
Anyone with similar dilemma or experience? Thanks

SweepTheHalls Wed 29-Jul-15 21:57:21

I told my parents at 8 weeks. I look upon it that I need their support if anything did go wrong.

UpUpAndAway123 Wed 29-Jul-15 22:03:37

It's personal. We told parents when we found out and most friends now know (11 weeks). For me, if I did miscarry I wouldn't mind them knowing.....always makes the pregnancy last forever for them though!

Autumn2014 Wed 29-Jul-15 22:05:33

I told my parents before I told my in laws. My mum and dad came for a visit and we wanted to tell them in person. I think I was 8 weeks. Then we told my inlaws when I was about 13+ weeks when we went to visit them.
I think it's okay to tell your mum as,long as you think she can keep it's secret for the rest of her visit. Mum's and daughters have special bond that mean you can share your news with her earlier than other people. Will she arrive before your in laws? Can you have a bit of time before they arrive or after?

justabigdisco Wed 29-Jul-15 22:11:39

Tell them whenever you like! There's no set cut off. I told my parents about 2 days after we found out as we were visiting them and I knew they would offer me booze grin
Also as PP said, I would want them to know if I miscarried - so no big secret.

beehappybe Wed 29-Jul-15 22:19:57

thank you ladies flowers, it's good to know I am not alone thinking that the 12 week mark does not matter! It's a good point about potentially needing the support. Nicely said Autumn2014, I am very close with my mum and find it hard not telling her even now each time we speak over the phone. I will have some time alone with her before the in-laws come over so I guess I will just leave it up to my husband to decide when he wants to tell them.
It just does not feel fair to me not to tell them as they are so very lovely and I do get on well with them but I want the decision to be his.
Time for an evening snack now wink

MissMartin10 Wed 29-Jul-15 22:19:58

tell them whenever you feel is best for you! grin Congratulations x
i told my mum when i was 3.5weeks haha before i had even missed my period

Gillian1980 Wed 29-Jul-15 22:35:38

Tell them whenever you want! I told my dad before I was even sure as I was so excited, then MIL the second I got a bfp.

knittingirl Thu 30-Jul-15 06:33:02

I told my parents and in laws within a week of finding out - I was about five weeks, there is no rule about this!

contractor6 Thu 30-Jul-15 07:07:44

Told my mum at 3 weeks, she knew about previous mc, I had ms and she was going on holiday. My justification is pregnancy is something which is happening to me, and as her daughter needed support, rather than at that stage it being a grandchild. DH accidentally let the cat out the bag at ten weeks with his family.

mrschatty Thu 30-Jul-15 07:12:47

I told my parents before the pee was dry on the stick!!! We were about to start fertility investigations at ivf clinic and was waiting for period to start to call clinic. DM kept calling asking 'have you phoned yer? ' when af didn't appear I had to tell her...

mygreeneyedboy Thu 30-Jul-15 07:17:55

I told my mum at 5 weeks and DP told his parents roughly after. But this is because I get hyperemesis and it makes social gatherings difficult. 10 weeks now and I've ended up telling quite a few because of the sickness!

Is DP fine with your mum knowing but his not? If so just explain to your mum beforehand you don't plan to tell them. Surely she should understand and respect this?

ARV1981 Thu 30-Jul-15 07:42:02

I wasn't going to tell anyone until after the 12 week scan, but I had an early scare and so told my twin. My twin looks after my grandparents and lives around 80 miles away, so she told them she was visiting me (i think she actually told them the truth). All well and good, but I was supposed to be visiting my mum that weekend. I ended up telling her a white lie saying I wasn't very well.

Then my grandmother told my mum that my twin was visiting me... so I copped an earful from mum about passing bugs on to 90-year-olds... I felt so bad for lying I ended up telling the truth. It was awful!

The whole reason I had for not telling mum was to protect her in case I ended up having a miscarriage! And there I was, thinking I was having one and had to tell her under uncomfortable circumstances. It kind of spoiled it for me (the telling) as mum then told my other sister (I said she could). Then my dh felt bad about not telling his mum.... so everyone found out really early!

It wasn't ideal! I hope your telling is better than mine grin

Junosmum Thu 30-Jul-15 09:57:40

We told really close friends at 6 weeks - the ones who we would tell if anything happened. OH decided that he wanted to tell his parents, I wasn't happy but they are his parents so we told them at 10 weeks. We didn't tell any one in my family or any other friends until after the scan.

At the end of the day it is personal choice. We made sure each person we told knew they weren't to tell anyone else and told them who did and did not know. No one was bothered that we didn't tell them until we had, or that we'd told other people first.

newbian Thu 30-Jul-15 10:17:06

We told our parents right after BFP and told siblings and other family at 13 weeks. We'd have needed their support in case of MC.

ThursdayLast Thu 30-Jul-15 10:20:20

I look at it that if the worst were to happen, would you be comfortable talking to the people you've told? Could you count on their support?

If yes, then tell them smile

For this reason i wouldnt tell my is rents because I just don't gave that kind if relationship with them, but I have told a few close friends.


batfish Thu 30-Jul-15 12:00:07

We told our parents at less than 6 weeks - similar situation really that we live overseas and my parents were visiting and we had had an early scan a week before. We did want to tell both sets of parents and our sisters so we skyped everyone else the night before my parents arrived so they all knew within a day of each other. But if your husband doesn't want to tell his parents and is happy for your mum to know anyway then I guess just tell her and ask her not to say anything.

CalypsoLilt Thu 30-Jul-15 14:24:35

I told everyone I would need to lean on if I had a MC; some people knew as early as 6 weeks, my best friend knew a few hours after my OH! :D

LilyRose16 Thu 30-Jul-15 16:58:00

Its so hard to keep it a secret!!

We've told both sets of parents early on, siblings and close friends know. Im 9 weeks. If dh had his way, everyone would know but im trying to gently encourage him to wait!

Early pregnancy is literally the longest few months ever!

Doublebubblebubble Fri 31-Jul-15 07:58:49

I told EVERYONE at 20 weeks. I don't see my family a lot and because of previous experiences we just thought that that was a safer week to do the telling. Will your mother blab to his? If she would then obviously you might need to rethink the situation or just lay down the ground rules I.e don't say anything until I'm 12 weeks. If your mum can keep a secret I don't see why you cant tell her at 10 and your mil at 12. Its only 2 weeks after all xx good luck xx

beehappybe Fri 31-Jul-15 11:00:51

thank you all, agree with LilyRose-early pregnancy seems like the longest few months ever-it's like the days drag so slowly...

Decision made-will tell mum as she will be staying with us for 4 days and I puke every morning and night (+the no alcohol for me) there is no way she would not guess anyway.
DH now changed his mind and is happy to tell his parents too. So if the in-laws come over we will tell them too but all will be under strict instructions not to tell anyone until we are ready to share the news with the rest of the family and friends. Hmm, one less thing to thing about...happy Friday allsmile

beehappybe Fri 31-Jul-15 11:01:52 "think" about of course. great spelling.

EdgarAllenPoe Fri 31-Jul-15 14:34:45

I'm glad you came to a decision that you're both happy with. We waited until after the 12 week scan, but if I had been in your position, I'd have told earlier too. It's special news and you want to see her reaction. Hope it goes well for you!

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