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Boyfriend hasn't told any of his friends I'm pregnant!!

(31 Posts)
nicolah132 Tue 21-Jul-15 14:25:20

So I'm 26 weeks pregnant... Our families know we are expecting as do all my close friends, as far as I know my boyfriend has told his best friend and that's it, we don't see his friends often so they wouldn't know unless he told them but he hasn't! Re pregnancy was a shock for both of us as we wasn't officially together then but we are now! He hasn't told his work either! It's starting to get me down!! Also he has said he doesn't want anything in Facebook about the baby.. I
feel as though it's almost as if
he's ashamed that I'm
pregnant! Even though when we are together he is constantly talking about the baby! Ive spoke to him and asked why he hasn't said anything and his said his work don't need to know but why wouldn't they!!! Im starting to lose my cool and need some advice please! hmm

UrethraFranklin1 Tue 21-Jul-15 14:27:28

I don't see the problem. If he sees them, it's bound to come up. Why would he contact them specifically to tell them? That would be odder.
I don't get what you are bothered about, tbh.

MummyPiggy87 Tue 21-Jul-15 14:31:29

Sounds like he's embarrassed about it going public as maybe people will judge him for getting you pregnant so quickly.
Not nice for you at all, some people are just very insecure.
At least he's happy about it really.
As for his friends, Maybe he just feels weird randomly texting or calling to tell them your pregnant, if he hasn't actually seen them then its abit awkward to tell them.
I didn't tell my friends until I saw them, some didn't find out till quite late on, but in the meantime I didn't want it on Facebook until they knew, are you sure this isn't the same case?

TheMoa Tue 21-Jul-15 14:32:55

It sounds pretty normal.

To be honest, I didn't tell work until I had to. If I'd been able to arrange maternity pay etc. behind the scenes, and had a tiny bump, I wouldn't have said a word.

I really dislike colleagues thinking they have a handle on my private life.

I didn't email friends I hardly see either - if it came up at some point, fine - but big announcements are just so 'me, me me'. Most distant friends are just not that into other people's children.

He'll have to tell HR if he wants paternity leave though.

bramble16 Tue 21-Jul-15 14:34:36

If he is planning on taking paternity leave he will have to tell work soon. Also they are likely to notice when the baby is born and he comes into work looking like he hasn't slept for weekssmile

jmac88 Tue 21-Jul-15 14:42:19

I can see how you feel nicolah. It sounds like it would be even more appropriate for him to call/text his friends because he doesn't see them very often so it will be a long time before they find out.

Also it's nice to share the news with people. I don't think it is random or odd texting a friend out of the blue to tell them you're having a baby. It's pretty big news! Nothing me me me about it????

I do think it can be different for fathers though. The main reasons I wanted to tell people at the beginning was so they would understand why I wasn't drinking/staying out late etc.

It can be quite nerve wracking telling people though too, as you never know what they might say, and sometimes people can be judgemental.

Maybe he's nervous? Tbh I think I would just tell him to tell them so you can then be open about it. Plus it's your choice if you put stuff about it on fb or not!

stardusty5 Tue 21-Jul-15 14:43:45

Seems fair enough if he is a private person and i know lots of people who don't want things on Facebook. It can come across quite show offy if done the wrong way. People don't need to know, and sometimes when they do it becomes the only thing they want to talk about. I hate talking about myself.

Nolim Tue 21-Jul-15 14:44:42

Sounds pretty normal to me. We only told the necessary ppl at work. We didnt post on fb.

Ragwort Tue 21-Jul-15 14:46:51

I think you are over reacting - I told as few people as possible, why would his work need to know?

Harsh as it sounds, not everyone is that interested in whether or not you are having a baby.

Thank goodness I had a baby years before Facebook existed. grin.

starlight2007 Tue 21-Jul-15 14:55:18

I am a little torn on this one..

Is this him saying you can't put anything on FB or he doesn't want to put it on his FB?

if the first is the case there is something more to this.

If it is the later it could be just the blokes way of dealing with these things.

Christelle2207 Tue 21-Jul-15 14:55:28

I never announced anything on fb until baby was born, though some pics of me with a bump found their way in. We didn't "announce" to anyone in fact just mentioned in conversation when we saw people.
I would be worried if he hadn't told anyone but he has told the people who matter.
He needs to tell his employer for pat leave though.

Runningupthathill82 Tue 21-Jul-15 14:57:41

Sounds v normal to me. My DH hasn't text any of his friends to tell them I'm pregnant, he'll just mention it if/when he sees them.

Your DP should tell HR at work soon though, if he's planning on taking paternity leave.

changingagain Tue 21-Jul-15 15:02:55

I don't want to put anything on fb apart from maybe 1 photo as a birth announcement. I also haven't told anyone who I haven't seen since looking obviously pregnant apart from close family. If I didn't need to tell work then I wouldn't, in fact if I could get away with it, I would be happy to tell no-one but DH.

I am definitely not ashamed or in any way unhappy to be pregnant though.

scarednoob Tue 21-Jul-15 15:13:53

i can see why it bothers you, but there could also be a totally innocent reason for it. i haven't put it on facebook or told anyone other than good friends and family, just because i am terrified that something might still go wrong. when she is here, i will post pictures and scream it from the rooftop!

i would talk to him about it. tell him that it makes you feel insecure and he might be able to explain himself.

BowiesJumper Tue 21-Jul-15 15:14:02

He would be sensible to tell his work, so that he can take paternity or holiday when the baby arrives. Or is he not planning on/able to do that?

mrstothemr Tue 21-Jul-15 15:33:35

The friend thing would bother me too... Maybe if he can tell you why it'd be better. Is it the case that they're not important / he likes it just being private / he likes the idea of surprising them later when they do meet? Given he's so happy to talk baby it doesn't sound like there's an awful root to it, but I'd need more answers before I'd be happy.

natjayne213 Tue 21-Jul-15 16:32:42

I can see where he is coming from.. I have only told people I need too. Personally think it is my life and especially at work I don't want fake congratulations or the gossiping that takes place.

We have kept it off Facebook too.. and I don't need to have a massive birth announcement on there.

Maybe he is just a private person

GotTheKey Tue 21-Jul-15 18:59:47

I think it's a man thing. My pregnancy was planned yet DH didn't have the same urge to go tell all his friends as I did. And to be honest they didn't really care anyway as they're all still quite immature lol. He told the ones who he knew would like to hear the good news and was excited to do that.
We didn't do an official Facebook announcement as I find them a bit cringe but will put bits on there occasionally.
He also doesn't want photos of the baby posted on FB but that's because he works in IT/computers and says it should be their choice as to whether a photo is posted online and once it's on there it never goes apparently! Men eh!
He will be excited though, don't worry. It's just man brain!

Scotinoz Tue 21-Jul-15 19:17:08

I wouldn't worry. My husband spoke to his HR department at the last possible moment to arrange paternity leave, and told perhaps three other people I was pregnant (on both occasions). They just don't need to share the same way women do.

And as for Facebook. I don't put stuff on FB so I don't think it's that weird.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Tue 21-Jul-15 19:53:04

My DH was the same! I found it so strange that he didn't tell his friends for ages... Even his friends who also have kids! It did hurt my feelings a little bit but it wasn't because he isn't excited... He's just a really private person and a bit shy about talking about himself. I'm 35 weeks and he only just asked his work for paternity leave... Luckily they didn't mind that he'd left it so late.

RooibosTeaAgain Tue 21-Jul-15 20:39:51

He has to formally inform work by week 25 of your pregnancy if he wishes to take one or two weeks of paternity leave in most jobs - as this is government policy not work policy and due to funding paternity leave.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Tue 21-Jul-15 20:56:39

Sorry, I should have said that my DH only got away with telling his firm so late because they will just keep paying his salary for two weeks so government funding doesn't come into it. Depends on employer.

VeryEarlyDays Tue 21-Jul-15 21:05:58

Sorry this has made you so upset.
I have to say it's a different world for men when expecting. I know while I was getting lots of smiles from strangers on the street and women telling me it was going to be the best time of my life etc etc my partner was getting lots of slaps on the back and your life is over mate type banter. I remember dropping my car at the garage once and when my Dp came to pick me up the mechanic looked pointedly at my bump and said to him "that's teach you for not keeping it in your pants!!" shock the
maybe he is just trying to avoid such bollocks

Sapat Tue 21-Jul-15 21:29:55

My dh was the same, he didn't want to tell anyone with our first, it was getting quite embarrassing bumping into people. It is not like it was a shock, we had been ttc for 2 years! He was fine with our subsequent pregnancies.

33goingon64 Wed 22-Jul-15 15:52:57

I wouldn't worry. DH and I are both reasonably low key with pgs - I tell friends when I see them. We didn't do a FB announcement and won't when baby arrives either. His work do need to know soon as he has to request paternity leave, but I think you should let him tell people in his own time. The important thing is that he's keen talking about it with you.

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