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39+4 and no patience left with toddler! Help!

(9 Posts)
BotBotticelli Tue 21-Jul-15 08:37:41

Just that really. Am the size of a whale, can't sleep, stand, sit or lie comfortably. Am stressed because baby has an "unstable lie" and keeps popping out of position from head-down to transverse and no-one seems to be able to give me any sensible advice other than "get up the labour ward as soon as you start feeling contractions, they will
Scan you and if he is head down, all good, if he is transverse they will do a CS"....

So my head is all over the place - no idea what to pack in hospital bag, whether to write a birth plan for a vaginal birth or a c section.

The upshot of all this is I am being a dreadful mummy to toddler ds1 (2.8yo). I have no patience - I shout at him so easily these days, he is obviously unsettled cos he knows life is about to change forever but doesn't really understand how. He is pushing boundaries and everything is a massive battle with him (teeth, getting dressed, nappy, toenails, getting in the car seat, turning the telly off etc etc etc....non stop meltdowns)....and I just do not have the energy/patience needed for the endless cajoling/bribing/discussions that are required to get a toddler to DO ANYTHiNg.

Normally I would just ask twice and then pick him up and chuck him in the car for example, but due to pelvic pain and the fact I am carrying a 10lb monster baby if you believe the scans this is no longer really an option for me!

Luckily he is still in nursery 3 days per week but I am dreading having him all day tomorrow (and feel awful for even typing that). No family help locally and DH works loooong hours.

What can I do with him tomorrow??

Please can someone tell me life will get easier than this when the baby arrives???

Ficidy Tue 21-Jul-15 08:45:24

I have no advice, but just wanted to empathise. I'm only 21 weeks, so not at your stage yet, but u also have an extremely wilful toddler. We have the exact same battles and it's very tiresome. I shouted at him last night because he wouldn't let me change his nappy and I felt so guilty afterwards. They really don't know what's going on and are probably confused, while at the same time trying to assert their independence and find their place in the world. When I have my ds on my own with me, I try to get out of the house to places where he will be entertained - friends' houses where there are also little'uns, the local play centre (which he loves), swimming, playground etc or we try to do some painting or baking together. Would any of those things be an option? You have my sincerest sympathies x

Ficidy Tue 21-Jul-15 08:46:21

* I also have, I meant!

Gobbolinothewitchscat Tue 21-Jul-15 08:50:48

Hello - no advice but send a load of empathy your way

I have a 1 and a 2 year old and am 22 weeks pregnant and getting a loft conversion done. Plus we've all just had norovirus. I want to sob daily or run away

I'm trying to pick battles so DS (2) is getting more TV than he normally would - usually never on during the day.

He's normally pretty biddable but one thing that is working very well is emphasising constantly what a big, helpful boy he is so can he help me by carrying out a specific task. Then I go wild cheering when he does. The builders must think WTF confused!

Also, although I am a SAHM, he is going to nursery three afternoons a week which he fortunately loves. He has a brilliant make key worker who does lots of running about with him which knackers him and the. DH takes over at the weekend!

Gobbolinothewitchscat Tue 21-Jul-15 08:54:02

Also - feel free to judge me - but we've had a couple of instances where he hasn't done what he was told and I just picked him up and stuck him in the playpen for 5 minutes nightmare in his eyes after two warnings.

Now, I say I'm going to count to 3 and if he chooses not to do what mummy asks, I'll need to put him in the playpen. That has worked as he knows I mean it.

I know you're massively pregnant but if you could maybe say he would need to sit beside you if he doesn't do what you ask or on a step of the stairs. Might work?

Jackiebrambles Tue 21-Jul-15 08:57:21

It does get better I promise. I've got a 5 week old and an almost 2.5 year old. The last weeks of pregnancy when feeling so exhausted were really tough.

I had an c section and the first 2-3 days at home were really hard, toddler wanted attention/picking up all the time and I couldnt, was sore moving etc and trying to get feeding established so dh was dealing with lots of behaviour and battles (for everything that you describe!).

It has really settled down now - I'm getting him involved with the baby, choosing clothes, fetching nappies etc and he loves her.

Can you take your little one to a soft play place so they can burn off energy? I think the key is somewhere contained so they can't run off as you can't chase them!!!

Hang in there.

Treesandbees Tue 21-Jul-15 09:35:46

I feel your pain! I'm only 36+2 but also carrying a monster baby and have a bad back. Some days my DS are great and others he's a complete nightmare and I count down the hours till DH gets home. I find I need to wear him out so we go somewhere in the morning like a play group/park/soft play. That takes the edge off his behaviour. I've heard from friends that in a way it's easier with a newborn as your physically stronger etc (once recovered from birth). I would try and take the course of least resistance in the meantime. Sometimes I think 'oh well if you don't brush your teeth tonight it's not going to kill you'! Xx

FluffyJawsOfDoom Wed 22-Jul-15 03:21:45

Those last few weeks are tough, don't be too hard on yourself, or him. Cbeebies is your friend. Spend time in the garden or nearby park for outdoor time. McDonald's trip to fill time and avoid cooking if it's wet? It'll all be over soon!

Christelle2207 Wed 22-Jul-15 16:17:13

Hello. I have a nearly 2yo and nearly 2mo and I felt exactly like you a few weeks ago. I promise you newborn + toddler is easier than heavily pregnant + toddler. However my toddler is still on nursery 2dpw - a good idea to keep your toddler in nursery if you possibly can. I justify it by telling myself he has far more fun at nursery than he would do with me atm. Another important thing is to get your dp to do the night/early morning shift with the toddler if possible.

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