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Scared of mmc, noone to talk to

(14 Posts)
Jadore123 Tue 21-Jul-15 00:13:35

Ok so I've had 2 mmcs my first one was rather horrific didn't find out till 12 week scan (they never told me how far gone i was before baby died) and the scanner lady was horrible and heartless I ended up in hospital 2 weeks later as started to miscarry it and for 9 weeks after that I felt like I was miscarrying everyday I went to the doctors everyday and they kept fobbing me of with antibiotics after 9 weeks they scanned me turns out I still had percenter still in side me ended up hemerridgeing in bed rushed in by ambulance and had emergency dnc.... 2nd time I went for an early scan at 8 weeks but baby only showed 6 weeks development and no heartbeat ... im now pregnant again I had an early scan at 9+1 and all looked fine with a very strong heartbeat (first time I've ever got that farr to see that) now I'm 11+2 and next scan isn't untill 2 weeks ... im crying every night im terrified im gonna loose this baby I have noone to talk to not with partner and noone I know understand's as they all have kids (i have none) im at my witts end and I don't know what to do i feel suicidal I have no motivation to do nething it's killing me sad

phoenixrose314 Tue 21-Jul-15 00:20:42

Take a breath.

You aren't suicidal - quite the opposite, my lovely. You are clinging to life, clinging to hope, and the possibility of it not happening for you makes you feel desperate. I do know what that feels like, and it's awful - but you must remember that that dear little bean inside you is counting on you to think positive for now. Stress can contribute to miscarriages (as I learned on my own journey), so take some steps to calm yourself down, if not for your sake then for the sake of your unborn child. Listen to some relaxing music, take a (not too hot) bubble bath, have some tea or hot chocolate, lose yourself in a book, go for little walks.

I think you should try reaching out to some of your friends. Yes, they may all have children, but you'd be surprised how many women have at least one mc in their lifetime - it's just that nobody speaks about them. Even if they have no similar experiences, they are your friends and will want to support you no matter what happens. Do you have family for support at all?

Please try to calm yourself down enough to get some sleep. Look after yourself - you're looking after two now. flowers

Jadore123 Tue 21-Jul-15 00:42:56

Thank you you are right. I just think I'm panicking abit I dunno it's so hard when it's a waiting game it feels like it's taking forever. I've tried talking to my friends they just don't get it and yes I have family but again they don't understand and hearing if it isn't ment to be blah blah is not what I wanna hear (i hate that saying sometimes) but thank you from your kind words it means so much xxx

CremeBrulee Tue 21-Jul-15 00:56:06

I know that time never moved so slowly when I was of with my DD (now 12) after 3 progressively late MCs.

My only advice is to be kind to yourself at such a hellishly stressful time. But do have hope - I have two happy healthy DCs now and I never ever thought that could happen.

Keep posting and let off steam when no one in RL understands how you are feeling.

Oh and I always hated the people that said 'it wasn't meant to be' - so callous!

spillyobeans Tue 21-Jul-15 01:22:28

I had a mmc before a couple of years ago, ive now got a 3 week old baby. Every pregnancy is different and although terrifying youve got to try and remain positive that this pregnancy could progress well. Its alot to deal with with no support, but at least you can talk on here - also im sure there must be some online support groups?

Jadore123 Tue 21-Jul-15 07:06:02

Thank you everyone. It's so nice to have the support of others who don't even know me ... i had very bad sickness but since yesterday that seems to have disappeared and I think that's what's making me worry even more. I want nothing more then to have this baby so I'm gonna try keep positive ... Once again thank you so much all your comments mean so much to me xx

lauraa4 Tue 21-Jul-15 07:36:15

Please just stay calm flowers
I had a mmc January last year and like you i didn't find out until the 12 week scan. I am now 31 weeks pregnant with a little boy and most of the pregnancy up until the 12 week scan with this one I was terrified. The fact that you have seen a strong heartbeat at 9 weeks is a good sign, no its not a guarantee but I had a scan at 7 weeks with this one and he's fine smile

Have faith that everything will be ok. You have no control over the future so your getting yourself in to a state over something that hasn't happened yet. Believe me I was you a few months ago, but everything will work out for you.

Nousername2015 Tue 21-Jul-15 08:21:46

Come and join us over on the pregnancy after mc thread Jadore, there's lots of us there who've been there and know how terrifying pregnancy after such an experience will be. There's a lot of support there to get you through this wait and like lauraa said, a hb at 9 weeks is also a very positive sign!

MummyBex1985 Tue 21-Jul-15 08:31:39

FWIW I think you're just experiencing very natural anxiety. Can you talk to your GP or mental health midwife about how to manage that?

Is it possible you could be depressed? If so, I'd really recommend getting some help early on to stop it from getting out of hand. flowers

KittyandTeal Tue 21-Jul-15 08:33:06

Can I add that all my pregnancy symptoms disappeared around 10-11 weeks in both pregnancies.

I totally understand the anxiety. I think the 'try to focus on the positive' may not work. Have you thought about asking for additional scans? Or paying for a private one?

It may be a good idea to consider seeing a counsellor to help deal with your anxiety. I'm sure your gp could refer you for a course of cbt. I know I will be upping my counselling when I get a bfp simply to help deal with all my anxiety and emotions around loosing a baby and being pregnant again.

Andifyoudontfirstsucceed Tue 21-Jul-15 08:53:53

I had two early miscarriages both at 6 weeks. I then got pregnant again and saw a heart beat at 8 weeks 4 - this diminishes the likelihood of miscarriage. Saw baby at 12 weeks and heart heart beat at 16. At my 20 week scan today (incidentally my year anniversary of my first miscarriage) what gets me through is thinking I am pregnant today - sounds funny but it got me though.
I also tried to think positively ( as much as possible) as they will test you after 3

Lots of hugs

Jadore123 Tue 21-Jul-15 09:00:39

Your all so lovely thank you sooo much ������ im going to ring my doctor as he already knows my history with depression neways ... woke up this morning and I think i spoke to soon got to work and I feel sick as a dog loool @nousername2015 how do I get on to that page im a first time user and not sure how to find things lool xxx

Jadore123 Tue 21-Jul-15 09:04:50

Hearing all your positive storys are sooo great to hear have a luvly time today at your scan @andifyoudontfirstsuceed enjoy smile lots of love n hugs to all of you xxx

Nousername2015 Tue 21-Jul-15 09:38:49

It's within this pregnancy section, title starts 'Plenty of chocolate and support...', just click on and join in. There is also a lovely long list of ladies who were on the thread who now have had their babies, seeing that reassured me. There's also another thread called 'Best shit place to be' also for pregnancy after miscarriage.

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