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Please tell me this is hormones and i am not some horrible horrible person...

(16 Posts)
gingerbreadmam Mon 20-Jul-15 17:07:59

currently sat in the front room of the fairly new house we moved into in preparation for pfb's arrival in october.

the day we moved in we received some devastating news about mil, she passed away shortly afterwards.

over the last three weeks i have been busy working full time, caring for a grieving partner, attending hospital apts about our unborn son, trying to make our house a home, arranging a funeral and the list goes on.

i am now sat surrounded my mils things. now theres not a lot but my dp has kindly dumped them in our open plan living room / dining area / kitchen. strewn all over the floor. i am sat here holding back the tears because it just feels like something else for me to sort out and i cant bare the mess.

and i feel utterly terrible for it. my poor dp has lost his dm. these are his last reminders of her, to treasure. and i am almost in tears because i cant stand the mess. i am mad at myself. wtf is wrong with me? someone talk me down! please!

any unreasonable hormonal stories welcome smile

Fugghetaboutit Mon 20-Jul-15 17:12:23

Is he waiting for you to sort them or will they be done after funeral?

Fugghetaboutit Mon 20-Jul-15 17:13:21

I simply cannot stand clutter when pregnant so I would've been sorting it by now grin

gingerbreadmam Mon 20-Jul-15 17:16:11

weve had the funeral. he will certainly sort it but will be in his own time.

he has been off today and nothing done. will be working next few days so again wont get done. in all honesty and this isnt dps fault we have nowhere for it to go unless he puts it in the room which is to be pfbs and id rather he didnt as that is already full of crap we havent sorted out from moving in due to the circumtances.

it is driving me mad. everything is covered in dust andprobablyspiders and i dont know what to do apartfromcryobviously

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Mon 20-Jul-15 17:33:26

You're not a horrible person - I totally understand and would feel the same way. Can you borrow/beg/steal some boxes or, failing that, bags? Maybe if you were about to just stack it away a bit you would feel better? I had a total mental collapse over a bunch of baby stuff that my sister-in-law kindly lent us and which has been all over my house for weeks. It will all be sorted away eventually, but in the meantime having it stacked neatly in boxes in the corner feels a lot more manageable than having it all over the floor!

gingerbreadmam Mon 20-Jul-15 17:39:03

ooh lorelai what a simple but effective solution. yes we could do that and im sure it would make me feel a lot better. it is currently in black bags but literally all over.

there is a patio set laid in the middle of the floor. argh!

the normal unhormonal part of me is heartbroken for him and understands how important it is for it to be here and i am glad its here in a sense i loved her too but the hormones are raging away like omg look at this mess and clouding my judgement as i cant see an end in sight.

until now...the box idea is a great one and im going to get onto it as soon as i have cooked tea. thank you thanks

Fugghetaboutit Mon 20-Jul-15 17:52:31

Maybe he can't actually do it yet as he's not ready and wants you to help? Asks him

twinsandapenguin Mon 20-Jul-15 18:21:21

You poor thing. It sounds like you have both been through the mill recently. I agree with the above poster. If you can find somewhere to pack the things away temporarily so you are not tripping over them then that should ease the situation. Your poor DH probably isn't ready to sort through them yet. Some people would want to do it straight away but everyone deals with grief differently. They can't stay where they are that is for sure, and it is probably upsetting for DH to see them all the time.
Don't feel bad, you are hormonal and have been through an emotional time. Things will get better

gingerbreadmam Mon 20-Jul-15 18:27:48

well i told him i was upset because everything i just a mess and its really getting to me and he said how do i think he feels which i know. i know i shouldnt feel like this and its not because i dont want the stuff of course i do i just dont want it in the middle of the floor.

ive already managed to put a couple of things away and feeling better for it so thank you. i just needed a nudge in the right direction. cant believe how overwhelming things can seem when pregnant at times.

i have inherited lots of cookbooks and arranged them nicely on the worktop and put some kitchen bits away. the rest of the things are ornament where we will have to decide where they are going so maybe they can go on pfb's room until dp / we are ready to make that decision.

scarednoob Mon 20-Jul-15 19:06:16

totally agree with packing it away. I couldn't bring myself to go through my mum's stuff for at least 12 months - he needs to be ready, without making you trip over it all day.

plus neither of you needs the reminder in your face.

so sad your MIL missed your baby, what sad timing sad

Gillian1980 Mon 20-Jul-15 19:13:42

Don't give yourself such a hard time OP, there's no set way you should or shouldn't feel.

It's normal to feel upset, hormonal and wanting to "nest" and make your house homely. Just in the same way that it is normal for him to feel upset and not yet ready to go through her stuff. Neither of you are wrong in your feelings.

But it is definitely reasonable to move things out of the way, pack them in boxes etc until your DH is ready to sort them. You can't be tripping over stuff for months on end with a baby about to arrive.

Iammad Mon 20-Jul-15 19:28:16

Pls don't feel bad, what you are going through is hard enough without the added hormones from pregnancy adding to the mix.
I would defo put them away in boxes until your oh is up to going through them.
Oh and by the way when I was feeling at my worse with sickness tiredness ect I could cry at the mess my children made!
And that is not having the extra stress of the things going on in your life.
Try and not be so hard on yourself flowers

gingerbreadmam Mon 20-Jul-15 19:57:03

i know it would have been her first much loved grandchild but unfortunately things ended like this. she was an alcoholic and early fifties which just makes it even more sadder.

we only have the things he wanted to keep which when ive actually gone through it and dusted it all down it is only a few pictures and ornaments. i have already put the ornaments in their new home just need one of our dfs to do the diy part of putting the pics up as were both useless with things like that.

the box idea never even crossed my mind blush

a good outcome of all this is i have set aside a space in the dining area for dp to put all his guitars which i know will make him happy. they were previously banished to the bedroom so as well as things being a bit tidier there is some more good to come out of my getting upset and mn helping out grin

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Mon 20-Jul-15 21:52:18

Glad to have helped! Massive sympathy for you and your dp - such sad cicumstances.

IsItMeOr Mon 20-Jul-15 22:19:58

Oh you poor things. What horrible timing all around. I am sorry for your loss.

Be gentle with yourself and, of course, your DP. You will feel all sorts.

Sounds like you have come up with a good way to sort it for you and your DP.

gingerbreadmam Tue 21-Jul-15 08:20:53

thanks a lot. really appreciate it thanks

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