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I feel cold towards my partner

(12 Posts)
MsMower Mon 20-Jul-15 08:59:29

Hi All,

In need of some reassurance/advice. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and I feel almost cold towards my partner at the moment. The thought of having to kiss him let alone anything more almost makes me feel sick. Is this a normal pregnancy things or is there something wrong with me. I feel guilty about it because I know it's taking it's toll on him. If this is me during pregnancy, how will our relationship service another 6 months of this.. Not to mention how I'm going to feel having given birth. I think the issue is how I feel about myself whilst pregnant.. Even still, it's scary how distant I feel from him.

Any reassurance or advice will be much appreciated right now.

Thanks

MsMower Mon 20-Jul-15 09:01:31

Survive** not service hmm

Frillsandspills Mon 20-Jul-15 10:49:34

my partner left me when we spoke about keeping our baby as it was unplanned, however before things turned sour and we were still together I felt very similar (up to about 13 weeks ish), I felt distant and not really very affectionate at all. Probably a good thing in retrospect but as I did adore him it was weird to not want to be close.

I know my situation is a lot different as my relationship wasn't the best but i did feel that the hormones made me a little cold around him especially at the start when things were actually good.

Hopefully it will pass for you. If not I'd say maybe speak to your midwife as she might be able to reassure you a little more!

Hope all goes well flowers

lilyb84 Mon 20-Jul-15 11:11:09

MsMower sorry to hear you're feeling this way - I'm 13+3 and have to say I'm glad to hear that someone else has been feeling this, as I've felt pretty awful about the way my emotions have changed around my DH over the last few months!

I can't offer you much by way of reassurance as I haven't found an answer, but if there's more than one of us feeling it then hopefully we can chalk it up to hormones, as frills says.

I'm trying to make some time for us to enjoy just being a couple, rather than solely thinking about the pregnancy (plus all the usual life stuff which can put strains on things at the best of times). Perhaps try to do the same - can you go on a date night, put aside some quality time for just you two? Also maybe try to focus on the positive moments when you do feel warmer towards him - I'm getting these when my DH is sleeping and looking really restful and cute!

And also (this is as much advice for me as for you) remember that we all feel like this from time to time anyway - I do think that while pregnant it's easy to focus on every little symptom and emotion and blame it on the pregnancy, but it's completely normal to have changing feelings about our loved ones - partners, families, friends - all the time, and it doesn't necessarily signify anything bigger. Do speak to your midwife or GP if you're really struggling though.

Hope it gets better for you flowers

Junosmum Mon 20-Jul-15 11:41:17

I've been like this too. I have to say it's starting to get better, though we've had some potentially worrying news about bump and that has set me back.

We've had sex once since I found out I was pregnant - I jusT can't stand to be touched. Poor OH

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Mon 20-Jul-15 11:41:37

I had a period of feeling like this towards my DH, who I totally fancy and totally adore normally! I think it's normal when your body is changing, your hormones are going nuts and, certainly in my case, I felt like the pregnancy was changing my whole identity. My pregnancy is much wanted, but not planned and I had a miserable time with sickness and pain at the beginning. I think I really resented my husband for feeling ok, when I was feeling so miserable! Still, I tried really hard to give him little bits of physical affection so he didn't feel too bad - just holding his hand, giving him a little kiss on the cheek or snuggling into him when watching tv. We just had to find a 'new normal' for a few months.

No guarantee, but by about 5 months the feeling had totally gone away and I was super keen on my DH again. Of course, by the time I was 7 months pregnant, DH started to feel like sex was disrespectful to the baby for goodness sake!! So the tables have turned! Of course, he still puts me in a pregnancy-hormone induced murderous rage on a semi-regular basis . . . but the cold feeling has definitely gone!

Newtobecomingamum Mon 20-Jul-15 11:51:43

Totally normal especially when you are feeling sick. Couldn't bare my husband to touch, cuddle or kiss me etc. Also, your mind and body is consumed with all pregnancy stuff so you might not feel like being intimate or affectionate... Doesn't mean you love your partner any less it's just a stage! I use to feel horrible when hubby would try and cuddle me and id push him off, but then I sat down and explained why I was feeling this way he understood. When I don't feel so awful or crap (which is very rare lol) and when I do feel like a cuddle I instigate it, that way he knows I'm feeling ok and we get our bit of affectionate time. I can't bare sex during pregnancy or even after lol for 6/8m but we are so strong and tight in our relationship (it helps with communicating at all times telling them how and why you feel certain ways) that he understands.

Everyone is different though! For some people it makes them incredibly horny and affectionate... But for others the total opposite!!

I think it's just totally normal and just a stage. Just explain it to your partner and hopefully he will understand.

MsMower Mon 20-Jul-15 14:38:56

Thanks for all your replies. It's so reassuring to know it's not just me feeling like this. I just feel very distant and irritable with him. I really hope this feeling passes. I just worry that if this is for the duration of the pregnancy, I wonder what state the relationship will be left in afterwards. Will we have drifted apart too much intimacy wise?

Pregnancy really is a complete and utter trauma to your whole being I think. I don't feel very different but in some ways I feel like an entirely different person. It's weird. I can't explain it properly.

Newtobecomingamum Mon 20-Jul-15 21:26:35

How is your relationship in general? Maybe you should talk to him about how you are feeling x

Cornberry Mon 20-Jul-15 21:45:46

Yes this is a pregnancy thing. I had this as well. Try and ratuonalise your feelings and if you really are going off your partner it'll become clear. Try not to dwell on it too much and see if it passes x

Bluepetra Mon 20-Jul-15 21:56:12

Me too, haven't felt like being intimate in any way at all since being about 6 weeks pregnant, I'm now 30 weeks but can't stand my husband touching me. Don't understand why I've gone off sex but hoping it'll all come back after baby arrives.

sianihedgehog Tue 21-Jul-15 07:02:40

I've had a few spells of this. It was worst around the stage you're at, when my body felt REALLY UGLY to me. I felt like the unsexiest thing ever. It got better once I looked pregnant instead of fat, which sounds horribly vain, but was definitely true. My self image really suffered in early pregnancy.
I'm back off the idea of sex now, at 37 weeks, because i can't actually imagine any comfortable way to do it!!

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