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Pregnant, very overweight & Extremely down about it.

(18 Posts)
sjd114 Fri 17-Jul-15 16:42:37

Hi.. first time pregnancy & only 6 weeks.
But I am very overweight, ( don't actually know how much I weigh.. too scared to weigh myself!?)

I just don't have a very thick skin, and I'm just petrified that the gps, midwives and whoever else will be involved will keep informing me of my weight, I know I'm overweight & your bmi chart will tell you I'm probably morbidly obese, but I've heard many horror stories of midwives being rude & I'm pretty sure I can't cope with that!!

Does anyone have any positive stories!? I'm sat at home crying my fat eyes out. sad

Thanks-
SAM. xo

EdgarAllenPoe Fri 17-Jul-15 16:57:42

I'm overweight at 15 weeks pregnant. They do weigh you, it's true, but I've never had a rude thing said. Healthy diet and exercise were mentioned on some occasions, but I think they mention that to almost everyone now.

My BMI is currently hovering around 29 (used to be significantly higher), so perhaps they'll be more persistent when it inevitably gets above 30, but I still wouldn't expect them to be rude.

If (and it's only an if) they deem your weight a factor in making you high risk or consultant-led, don't be upset about this. Rather, think to yourself, they are ensuring I get the care my baby and I need. They wouldn't say you were high risk for fun or to upset you.

I think part of what's making it hard for you is how sensitive you are about it (which I totally understand). Just because they mention something, doesn't mean they are judging you or having a go. It's their job to give you such information. I know it's difficult but try not to take anything personally.

Good luck and wishing you a healthy pregnancy!

Candlefairy101 Fri 17-Jul-15 17:06:16

I've heard that slimming world works well alongside pregnancy? X

Notgoodwithwords Fri 17-Jul-15 17:13:11

I'm afraid stories of medical staff being rude about weight are all too common.. I was a couple of stone overweight with all 3 pregnancies & had midwives or sonographers say quite insensitive things!! It's very upsetting & I did go home & cry!! Wish I could have been more assertive & picked them up on their rudeness.hmmhmm

Francescal88 Fri 17-Jul-15 17:19:04

I was 15 stone at 5'4 when I fell pregnant. No one was rude to me at all, only thing weight related that my midwife ever did was include a leaflet on healthy eating with my bounty pack!

CorBlimeyTrousers Fri 17-Jul-15 17:24:59

My BMI was 33 at booking in. It was considered a risk factor and I was invited to a healthy eating session but no one has made me feel bad. I have diabetes in pregnancy and obviously being overweight is a risk factor for that. At one point I cried to the diabetes midwife because I blamed myself for the diabetes I also had in my first pregnancy and that my son's blood sugar levels were low when he was born. She was very kind.

Try not to worry. It is what it is. I wouldn't 'diet' without medical advice but a healthy diet and moderate exercise (eg more walking) can only be a good thing for you and the baby.

Skiptonlass Fri 17-Jul-15 17:54:48

My BMI is over 30. They weighed me once (had to to calibrate some blood tests) and it's not been mentioned since. I was asked if I'd like to participate in a study which just needed a round the waist measurement and I said yes.

No problems, no judgement. I even asked if it was a problem and she basically said no. I'm otherwise healthy and if any issues cropped up we'd deal with it.

Pregnancy is a great excuse to eat healthily. Now is not the time to be beating yourself up, but rather taking care of yourself. Eat well, not for two, do moderate excercise and that's really all you can do. Don't deprive yourself, take care of yourself.

Your midwife should be on your side - they will keep an eye on your blood pressure and blood sugars in order to give you the best care possible, but they do that for everyone. You'll probably have an extra test for gestational diabetes later on and again, if anything is needed, they will deal with it. If you do get healthy eating advice, I'd follow it, or there's a great book I recommend to all my friends after an Aussie friend sent it to me. It's called feeding the bump, and it's really good.

At 6 weeks my hormones were all over the darn place - cut yourself some slack, enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations !

Brummiegirl15 Fri 17-Jul-15 18:02:26

I'm 11 weeks and I'm 5ft with a BMI of 29 and I'm 11 stone.

So yes I'm overweight! No one has mentioned it yet but I'm sure they will. Although to be fair I'm already consultant care and not for the reason so maybe it won't matter

goldenhen Fri 17-Jul-15 18:32:17

I was overweight before I conceived too, and really worried about it because like you I'd heard horror stories. I had a BMI of 27 which I know isn't too bad, but I put on quite a bit in the first few weeks - and booked in lateish - so had a BMI of 29 at booking. I deliberately avoided junk and refined sugar the week before my booking to try and keep it under 30...and then the midwife didn't even weigh me! She was absolutely lovely, didn't mention weight, and just said oh you sound nice and healthy. I too was weighed to calibrate blood tests, but by the sonographer - and they didn't even write anything in my notes.

So it might not be as bad as you think, really try not to worry about it! I think a lot depends on the midwife.

If you feel you need to, you could pre-empt them by saying something matter of fact like "I realise my BMI is over the recommendation, but I don't want to do any faddy diets during pregnancy as my priority is to have a healthy baby, so I was planning on eating things like (list a typical day's solid eating, like porridge, chicken salad, baked potato and salmon with 5 fruit and veg a day etc etc), does that sound OK to you?" then give them a big fake smile and I am SURE they will just nod and say, yes of course that sounds absolutely fine! If they do recommend you to anything, it will be either a dietician or Slimming World, both of which you are at liberty to decline if you want.

WombOfOnesOwn Fri 17-Jul-15 18:38:21

BMI of 40 here! Hi! Welcome!

Please don't be miserable about it! I have several friends my size who've had lovely happy babies and good births. I'm planning a home birth, and my midwives have no BMI limit for attending one.

DefinitelyNotElsa Fri 17-Jul-15 19:27:08

I had a BMI of 32.4 at booking and really beat myself up about it as I conceived at my heaviest ever weight.

However, my worry wasn't justified - the midwife has been fab. I raised my concern regarding my weight at my booking appointment and the midwife was lovely - she said not to panic as things could be far worse! In my NHS trust, a BMI over 35 at booking triggers consultant lead care and a BMI of over 30 means you have a gestational diabetes test at around 26 weeks.

I still have the odd wobble about my weight, but know that I'm doing something incredible right now. Growing a person is hard work and I'm doing the best I can.

TinyMonkey Fri 17-Jul-15 19:40:37

Congratulations!

I agree with a couple of pp, basically, you have to own it. I was very matter of fact about being overweight when I went for my booking in (BMI of 40, although pretty active and with exemplary blood pressure throughout). All I cared about was having a healthy baby, and I did (despite being both old and fat).

Nothing any of the hcps said upset me, I think they took their lead from me being upfront and willing to discuss ways of staying as healthy as possible. In fairness it wasn't really ever mentioned after the initial booking in. (Oh except at one scan, but I was too excited about seeing the baby to care).

I got a touch of diabetes right towards the end, but the silver lining of eating as healthily as possible to control it was that I put on very little additional weight in the final stretch. That said, GD isn't a forgone conclusion even if you are overweight.

Concentrate on trying to eat healthily, lots of veg, not too much sugar/crappy carbs - well, once you get past the first tri where it's a case of eating what you can stomach.

Also, try and stay active, swimming, walking, whatever you enjoy (again, the exhaustion in the first tri may make this difficult, but that does pass).

Stroan Fri 17-Jul-15 19:41:30

I've seen 3 midwives and a doctor - I've mentioned my concerns about my weight to all of them. None of them were remotely rude or nasty, just told me not to worry.

It's also never been mentioned without me bringing it up.

When I struggled to eat healthily because of nausea, they reassured me that I wasn't hurting the baby and told me not to worry about my weight. Please don't be too worried about their reaction.

In fact, I had to push to be referred to a healthy lifestyle clinic. As someone said, you can follow slimming world while pregnant if you want to manage your weight. It didn't work for me as I couldn't stomach fruit or veg for ages, but might be worth a try.

Viviennemary Fri 17-Jul-15 19:49:12

I agree with eating healthily and cutting down on obvious sugary and high fat foods. No point in worrying yourself into a frenzy.

plonkie Fri 17-Jul-15 19:58:13

My bmi was 41 pre pregnancy and I'm 29 weeks pregnant now so obviously that's shot up even higher now! Totally understand your concerns but I ditto what's been said above. You just have to be matter of fact about it with midwives/consultants etc. My experience has been v positive, very little has been said about my weight being an issue. I'm consultant led as well as midwife so have a couple more appointments at the hospital, but it's all for the greater good. There are more risks associated with being heavier unfortunately, but it doesn't mean we'll experience them :-). The extra monitoring just helps keep an eye on things. From the beginning I told them I was aware I was overweight and I had concerns about this as well, but was keen to tell them that although I eat a great deal, I eat a huge amount of good good, fruit, veg, fish, nuts etc. This has kinda kept them off my back. But in all honesty they've never been rude once, and I've seen loads of other overweight mums to be in there.
In an idea world I would have lost alot of weight first, but it didn't happen that way!

KingOfTheStupids Fri 17-Jul-15 20:52:29

My BMI was 38 at booking with DC1. I didn't feel criticised about my weight. The midwife recommended that I try not to put on more than a few lbs, but said it in a non offensive way. I was consultant led due to my BMI but because a carry my weight on my bum and thighs, instead of round my middle, they signed me straight back to the midwife.

I second the poster who suggested Slimming World. It's a very gentle way of losing weight and you'll feel so much better about yourself if you maintain or even lose a bit during your pregnancy.

CarShare Fri 17-Jul-15 22:39:25

My BMI is 23 and at the booking apt the midwife talked to me about eating well and gentle exercise- it's just part of their job whatever you weigh. I used to be very overweight and still feel sensitive despite now being a healthy weight but if you're prepared for it and happy to accept advice (as long as it's given in a well meaning fashion!) then I honestly think it'll be no where near as bad as you think it will be. Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy!

Mrseden1990 Fri 17-Jul-15 23:45:01

Hiya!!
I'm a big girl, BMI at booking of 48! (I know, terrible!!) I was also worried about midwives and sonographers being rude, even though I know I probably deserve it. I'm 19 weeks now and nothing has been said to me directly. It's in my notes that viewing was restricted due to BMI at my scans but I know that it's going to be. I'm on Consultant led care but I've heard stories of women who have been released back to midwives if they are in good health apart from BMI. Everything seems to be going well, and I was so worried about baby before my 12 week scan. I thought I'd done he/she lots of harm by being a selfish fat cow... I feel better about everything now because I know that midwives/consultant just want to look after me. Only thing I am disappointed about is no bump as of yet sad (Hope this helps!!)

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