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thats our job done?

(13 Posts)
heartburncity Fri 10-Jul-15 14:05:13

hi does anyone else feel that when the baby is born that's going to be their 'job done' as the carrier of the baby and grandchild? Am starting to feel like I only have weeks left with the baby and then its like a pat on the back and thanks very much? maybe am going mad. just feel like the countdown is on and that's all folks. ah sad

sizethree Fri 10-Jul-15 14:27:44

I get where you're coming from.
I'm loving being pregnant and very much feels like it's MY (& partners) baby. And I'm already getting a bit upset that I'll have to share him or her. As soon as the baby is born it'll be a free for all. And I just want to stay in our little bubble for as long as possible.
But on the other hand I presume that when the initial excitement has settled fown fir everyone and there's been visits and cooing, then it'll be back to our little unit of three.

heartburncity Fri 10-Jul-15 14:31:47

that's exactly how I feel. DH wants to 'show the baby' off when its born and Im panicking cause as you say everyone else will have access when its just been the 2 of us for past 9 months. I just feel like its a well done, thanks v much and we'll take over from here. Its his parents first grandchild and although they have backed off during the whole pregnancy its as if they are waiting to be let loose when baby arrives. Already feel like am loosing control no matter how many people tell me you'll feel different when you are the mum. I don't know - I actually think am going crazy sad

Rosieliveson Fri 10-Jul-15 14:41:24

I was worried about this first time around but after a few weeks people seemed to die down in their insistence at visiting. I started going out with baby to try/join groups and started to make friends with people who had children of a similar age so started filling my time myself. I am sure it will be similar for you. People love to come for a cuddle etc but then do need to get on with work and their own lives. Especially if you make it clear that you want time with your own new family as well as with friends/extended family.

This time around my MIL has retired and keeps telling me how excited she is for "us and her". I'm a bit confused about them trying to be here all the time but I am fairly confident that I can be 'busy' often enough not to let it become an issue.

DidILeaveTheGasOn Fri 10-Jul-15 14:43:56

I think as long as it's not upsetting you to think this way (it's not making you anxious I hope?) then I think it's a really good thing, it means you are a protective, fierce, loving lioness who is padding around flattening the grass and getting everything ready for her precious cub, and everyone else can back off. That's awesome.

Don't be afraid to be assertive once your baby arrives. Some people dismiss the mother as soon as the baby arrives. I was appalled at the attitudes within my in laws side of the family when I was expecting DD. Every single one of them at one time or another told me that once the baby arrived it 'wouldn't be about me'. I'm quite a pushover in some ways anyway, and quite introverted. I have no problem with the spotlight not being on me. I don't know why people say these things, it was very definitely a way of saying, once you've produced the baby you are totally done, see ya.

In any case, once the baby had arrived she wanted me, no shit. Guess it turned out to be a little bit about me after all. This wonderful little creature that I'd carried for 9 months adored me from the get go, and I her.

Pad down your grass and don't worry about grabby relatives. Everyone will chill out once the baby has been here longer than five minutes and if they aren't giving you the room you need to feed and care for your little one, don't be afraid to ask them to give you some room.

heartburncity Fri 10-Jul-15 15:00:08

Thanks ladies. DidILeaveTheGasOn - it has made me anxious to the point of seeing doc quite regular and anytime I know am seeing ILs I have to take a diazepam to make sure I can cope. Its just cause I know (wont go into the whole story) that they have been waiting for this grandchild for a while and I just feel the pressure a bit. Am trying my best to stay calm and focused and not go off on one esp at DH who cant see what the problem is, is delighted to be providing his parents with a GC and wants me to have this wonderful new relationship with his mum when the baby arrives so she isn't left out. Just feeling a bit uneasy and scared to be honest. but deep breaths!

heartburncity Fri 10-Jul-15 15:04:11

prob doesn't help when DH told me today that its my 'job done' soon carrying the baby - so getting feeling that's the line he is thinking.
Sorry folks am prob being a right moan x

L0gLady Fri 10-Jul-15 15:07:35

Agree with everything above about being very clear and firm with what you want when the baby is here.

I felt that way for a few weeks before he arrived, but believe me - a couple of months down the line, it will be you me DC, all day, every day - that's a mummy's job.

L0gLady Fri 10-Jul-15 15:08:05

*you AND DC.

milkingmachine1 Fri 10-Jul-15 15:12:54

If you breastfeed it's the perfect excuse to never be away from the baby grin

In all seriousness, this is your baby and as the mother of said baby what you say goes. Yours (and the baby's) needs trump everyone else's, including the father! Sorry but it's true.

heartburncity Fri 10-Jul-15 15:12:58

thank you - I will def try. over the past years to now I have been such a push over with ILs. gonna have to change!

heartburncity Fri 10-Jul-15 15:13:40

milkingmachine - that's a good point!

Raasay Fri 10-Jul-15 15:16:57

It is lovely to have involved GPs and good for your child to have that relationship however remember that you are in charge.

It took me a year to realise that the (power) dynamics in my relationship with my PILs had changed after our DC were born.

A situation came up where they totally disagreed with a decision my DH and I made and they (though usually lovely) got a shock when they realised they couldn't override us.

They tried cold shouldering until they realised that they wouldn't see their only DGCs.

You will have the power here, you just have to remember that.

This doesn't mean that you have endless arguments with them(I get on really well with my PILs and we see them weekly) it just means that everyone understands that with regards to the children my DH and I are the ones in charge.

Quite frankly, if I don't like something, it won't happen.

Smile, give them time with their GDC (doesn't need to be without you) but politely and firmly set the rules.

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