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Why is everyone so shocked we don't want to know the sex? !

(89 Posts)
AmiL123 Thu 09-Jul-15 19:13:04

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TinyManticore Thu 09-Jul-15 19:14:18

I didn't find out with DC1, and did with DC2. I much preferred knowing beforehand, but I can see why some might prefer not to.

NoArmaniNoPunani Thu 09-Jul-15 19:19:00

It's totally up to you. I've had the opposite, people complaining that I'm not having a surprise. Ignore them all.

Appleblossom82 Thu 09-Jul-15 19:19:59

Im 23 weeks with our first. We know its a boy. Definitely do not regret finding out. Its helped us bond and picture the future and made buying clothes and planning the nursery decor more fun.

I get why you dont want to know, but for us the birth itself is a big enough deal without an extra surprise.

sizethree Thu 09-Jul-15 19:20:06

I'm getting the same reaction! My first as well and I'm focussed so much on having a healthy baby that I have no care in the world about what sex baby is going to be.
I'm not a fan of pink or blue either, and was a big tom boy as a child, so i'm all about unisex things anyway.
Friends have found out and I think it's lovely that they to a point feel they know their baby a little more and have named it. But for me, there's so few unknowns like this in life that I'm treasuring the surprise (and I think the suspense and my impatience will help me push harder when the time comes!)

Appleblossom82 Thu 09-Jul-15 19:21:33

I dont think its that unusual either. Out of the 2 friends i have that are pregnant, neither of them are finding out the sex.

newtonupontheheath Thu 09-Jul-15 19:22:00

We are on our third and haven't found out-again! Much to everybody's annoyance...hmm

There are so few things in life you have to wait for these days, pregnancy/babies is one of the only things so why not have a lovely surprise!

ipswichwitch Thu 09-Jul-15 19:22:38

We didn't find out for either of our DC, and I am very pleased we didn't. Was great being handed our little bundles and told "it's a boy!" As you say there are very few nice surprises these days, and that had to be the best we've had.

Not finding out does in no way mean that you can't prepare either. We painted the room a lovely green with animals everywhere, and managed to get plenty of nicely coloured sleep suits and vests without resorting to everything being beige (we didn't bother with proper clothes for a few months in any case as sleep suits are way more comfy).

We had a shortlist of boys and girls names we liked. It never sat right with me naming the baby before you see them anyway - what if they really don't suit their name? And besides, it's not unheard of for them to get the gender wrong on a scan. The midwives all thought it was great we didn't want to find out since most people seem to want to.

ElizabethG81 Thu 09-Jul-15 19:26:22

I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to know as soon as possible, but that's just me, and other people might not be able to understand why people wouldn't want to wait.

I've never understood the "surprise" thing though - it's a wonderful surprise whenever you find out, it's not like it's ruined if you find out when you are pregnant. You just get the surprise earlier.

BlueKarou Thu 09-Jul-15 19:30:52

I'm currently 8 weeks, and would like to find out if possible. Mainly because I fear I'll struggle with names and don't want to fall for a boy's name if it turns out to be a girl.

I don't plan on telling people though, because I do know the scans can come up with the wrong sex. Also because I wouldn't want to be given a load of pink or blue things (looking particularly at my mother on that last point.)

newbian Thu 09-Jul-15 19:31:19

I don't think gender is a huge surprise - you know it will be one or the other. It's not a surprise I value, I prefer saying "her" instead of "it." I'm not into pink and have avoided getting clothes and accessories that scream girl anyway. The child's appearance and personality are the real surprises to me and no one will know the full extent of those for weeks/months/years. All babies are a surprise in my book!

WiIdfire Thu 09-Jul-15 19:31:42

We are having a surprise and have had the opposite response. Everyone who asks if we know thinks it is great that we dont, and say how lovely it is to have a surprise! I didn't want to risk being told the wrong thing at the scan. Whilst I dont mind what flavour it is, I think it would be hard to accept the other sex if you had been thinking it was a certain one for 20 weeks.

Blueberrybaby Thu 09-Jul-15 19:32:50

We had the opposite - people were really pleased we hadn't found out as it seems to be the norm these days to do so. We liked the surprise, and I don't think anything beats finding out there and then when your baby is in your arms. There were a few people frustrated (MIL) but her sole reason was because it would make shopping easier....for her! There's plenty of neutral or bright stuff available it's just not an issue, plus as soon as baby arrives people go into overdrive and buy blue or pink. Stick to your guns, the waiting is worth it!

EmzDisco Thu 09-Jul-15 19:37:20

31 weeks and having a surprise too! No one has said anything negative, although I've guided the grandparents a bit as everyone does get madly fixated on everything having to be either pink or blue/flowers or fire engines. Suggested if they want to get things then bright colours and animals are the way to go. Glad we haven't found out as I think I'd be snowed under with pale pink or pale blue, which would drive me a bit mad!

Pointlessfan Thu 09-Jul-15 19:38:21

I didn't find out and I didn't regret it at all. Even the midwives were excited for the surprise. Take no notice of people!

twirlypoo Thu 09-Jul-15 19:45:04

I know this is silly, but I was so surprised when they handed me a baby when I gave birth that knowing the gender before hand didn't diminish that "holy fuck!" Feeling at all smile

Also, it helped me bond. I thought of him as a person much more once I knew his gender. Each to their own though, that was just my circumstances!

toldmywrath Thu 09-Jul-15 19:46:52

I agree with pp's who prefer a surprise. It makes me feel sad that people can't wait to find out & I think it is wonderful to wait until you give birth. All 3 of mine were born without us knowing their gender beforehand & it was brilliant!

Cheshirehello79 Thu 09-Jul-15 19:47:29

I'm due to go to my 20 weeks app next week in which we can find out but I'm not !

Have had mixed opinions for not wanting to find out but that's our choice and sticking to it. Can't wait for the element of surprise when beanster arrive.

I've bought some lovely neutral with yellows and greens outfit and they are gorgeous and not limited.

I don't think anyone should force you to it p.s the excitement of trying to find both baby boys names and girls names is exciting. So I'll say stick to what you feel right for you if you're not really bothered about pinks and blues which I'm not then as long as it's a healthy baby we're not bothered .

VanillaTwirl Thu 09-Jul-15 19:48:11

I didn't find out with either of mine and I am so glad I didn't, I loved not knowing even though it drove me crazy at times!

Someone told me at the time that it was the only true surprise you would ever get in life and I agree.
It's so rare nowadays for people not to know, which is a bit of a shame.

Appleblossom82 Thu 09-Jul-15 19:51:02

Not sure why its 'a shame' or 'sad' that some of us do prefer to know hmm

Brummiegirl15 Thu 09-Jul-15 19:51:06

We won't be finding out either. Both our view is that there are very few surprises in life so we'd rather wait

Plus we actually know someone who was told they were having a girl and had a boy!!!

So actually that made us even more sure of not wanting to know beforehand!

VanillaTwirl Thu 09-Jul-15 19:54:20

No need for the humphy face, I just said it's a bit of a shame that it's so rare not to know nowadays - nothing offensive in that confused

sizethree Thu 09-Jul-15 19:55:33

Just to be a pedant... Sex is the correct term, not gender. They mean very different things.

PinkPopPony Thu 09-Jul-15 19:57:45

I had very difficult pregnancies and knowing really helped me cope and bond.
So bugger off with the whole its a shame PA nonsense hmm

Appleblossom82 Thu 09-Jul-15 20:00:46

I will explain the face then - saying its a shame and sad comes across as saying that my choice is less worthy somehow. There is nothing sad or 'a shame' about it.

We just found out at 14 weeks that we are having a son, instead of at 40 weeks. It was 100% the right decision for us and in no way deminishes our excitement about the pregnancy.

Im unclear on what part of this is sad or a shame.

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