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Overwhelming sense of doom - help me to snap out of it, please...

(25 Posts)
resipsa Tue 07-Jul-15 15:07:36

I'm 36 weeks and today had a scan which confirmed a breech baby. The options for management are ECV, elective section or vaginal breech delivery. I don't want any of them!
This baby was 3 years in the making after 3 miscarriages. It's an IVF baby because DH was diagnosed with cancer last year and had to have sperm frozen before chemotherapy. I thought that I'd lost it at 6 weeks after a huge bleed that went on for 2 weeks. By week 9, I was in hospital being rehydrated because of hyperemesis. I've had bad nausea and vomiting ever since.
Now the breech news has sent me over the edge and left me with a sense of foreboding that this one, in the end, is just not meant to be.
Please tell me that I'm being ridiculous...

MummyPiggy87 Tue 07-Jul-15 15:17:54

Well congratulations how amazing the IVF gave you a baby!
I don't know about the other two, but I had a CS and it really isn't that bad, it's very straight forward now and can be in and out by the next day!
I know you must be very nervous but you won't even care when the time comes you'll just want to see that baby and make sure s/he is safe.
At least you know now, I ended up having a EMCS!

resipsa Tue 07-Jul-15 15:22:14

I know; the positives are I'm pregnant at all, only 3/4 weeks of N&V to go and a controlled, safe delivery. But I can't shake the sense that it's all going to go wrong. Just being hormonal but I rarely cry and today's been a wet one!

happygojo Tue 07-Jul-15 15:23:52

If I was in your position, I would go for a C section. Yes there are risks and a longer recovery.... but that is what i would choose personally as I think it would be more risk to me than the baby, especially if it is planned

There is still time for the baby to turn of their own accord, but having a C section booked would give you something to aim for.

I have had an MC and am currently 35+1.... and I have been having panic's too about things going wrong... I think your anxiety is completely normal.

Good luck with whatever you choose (and maybe the baby will turn??)

DearTeddyRobinson Tue 07-Jul-15 15:27:46

If it helps, I had an elcs and it was ace! Hardly any pain, I recovered much faster than several friends who had vaginal deliveries. No problems with bf or bonding etc and the drugs are amazing

penguinplease Tue 07-Jul-15 15:31:43

Hi, I had a breech too and the ecv was very painful and it didn't work.
The 3 c sections I have subsequently had were all very easy and recovery was quick.

resipsa Tue 07-Jul-15 17:52:43

Thanks everyone. I know that I'm being silly. It could be so much worse! I think that I'm a little in mourning for my first pregnancy/delivery; natural conception, problem free 40 weeks, spontaneous labour at 40+1, waters broke at 7am, at home until afternoon, into hospital already fully dilated, DD born at 6pm. Hoped to replicate it but looking unlikely now.

Thanks for the positive input about elective sections. That's the safest route.

bluishskies Tue 07-Jul-15 18:02:18

I would also go for the c-section. My DD was an IVF baby. When I was 2 days off my due date I had a bleed so was told I had to stay in the hospital and be induced. Three days later I was only 3 or 4 cm dilated and very worried because the baby's heart rate when drop each time I contracted. They wanted me to keep trying but I had had enough. Literally, 30 minutes later we had our healthy beautiful baby girl in our arms. I can honestly say it was the best decision I've ever i made. I imagine an ELCS would have been even better. My main advice would be to say yes to the drugs. I breastfed immediately and there was absolutely no problem bonding. Best of luck with whatever you decide!

happygojo Tue 07-Jul-15 18:02:58

Once you have an MC, your innocence in pregnancy is destroyed. What you are experiencing is completely normal. I had a big cry last night because I was am paranoid that something will go wrong. Sorry that isn't helpful but we are both on the last bit now. Good luck xxx

bluishskies Tue 07-Jul-15 18:03:31

Sorry for the typos. Currently 14 weeks pregnant with twins and feeling very very rough.

LovelyWeatherForDucks Tue 07-Jul-15 18:10:57

Hello, similar situation here - had a section breech with DC1 (planned but only a day in advance as it wasn't spotted!) and lots of complications so was hoping to avoid for DC2 (due in 2.5 weeks)....would you believe this one is breech too! So I've got another c section booked. I'm trying to look on the bright side - I can plan childcare with some certainty, I know what to expect from the recovery, and I can count down the days til I meet my baby! I am gutted I won't experience 'natural' birth but am happy with what is safest for us.

Thepurplegiraffe Tue 07-Jul-15 18:12:48

I am having a c-section tomorrow with my 2nd breech baby. I was upset the first time and tried for an ecv but didn't get that far as baby's heart rate spiked and am since glad it didn't work after hearing horror stories.
My last elcs went very smoothly and recovery was very good, it really isn't an awful option. Just hoping it goes as well tomorrow smile

resipsa Tue 07-Jul-15 18:17:32

Good luck!

resipsa Tue 07-Jul-15 18:20:07

It's the unknown of the recovery that worries me most. The timing (as if it wasn't planned very differently!) is tricky in that DD is 4 and starts school in September. Don't want to be incapacitated during her last weeks before this big change (and need to be fit for school run!).

Thepurplegiraffe Tue 07-Jul-15 18:26:49

When do you expect it to be? I was out and about pretty quickly, though it depends how hard your school run is. The biggest issue is that you shouldn't lift more than the baby's weight for about 6 weeks.

Appleblossom82 Tue 07-Jul-15 19:46:49

I definitely wouldnt have ecv due to the risks involved. Very sad thread on here recently by a lady whose dd was killed through ecv. Dont risk it.

Id go straight for elcs.

seaoflove Tue 07-Jul-15 20:30:52

Everyone is different of course, but I had an ELCS last month and stopped taking painkillers by day 6. Although I had to continue taking it easy, I was in no way incapacitated for weeks.

resipsa Tue 07-Jul-15 20:46:24

Likely to be last week of July. School proper from 14 Sept so should be OK as more than 6 weeks...and 'run' is 10 min walk, thankfully smile.

resipsa Tue 07-Jul-15 20:47:32

And definitely not agreeing to ECV. I read that thread on the train. Devastating doesn't come close.

Lunastarfish Tue 07-Jul-15 20:49:42

My SIL had a vaginal birth with her breech son. Despite her claims, she was clearly in a lot of pain & had a lot of stitches. I'm 39 weeks now and until recently the baby has been transverse of breech (she's actually turned now) but I decided to have a elcs if she was still breech at my 36 week appointment. I don't like the idea of the evc and friends who have recently had C secs have recovered well.

Congratulations

BadgerFace Tue 07-Jul-15 21:03:21

My DD is an IVF baby and after a symptom free pregnancy (once implanted!) I ended up with an EMCS at 37 weeks following a placental abruption. The recovery was absolutely fine and within a week I was only on paracetomol.

I am currently 13 weeks with No. 2 and I am 98% sure I will have an ELCS after much deliberating. DD will be around 3 (I am due on her 3rd birthday just about!) and a C-section has a lot of advantages in terms of planning, being better rested probably, no risk of 36 hours of labour ending up in an EMCS etc... With an older first child I think it's easier as you don't have to lift them into cots, high chairs etc where I might be making a different decision if DD would only be 2 when my second is born.

I was disappointed with my EMCS and having not had a natural birth with DD for about 15 hormonal minutes 2 days after birth. The recovery was so much better than you often hear about it's definitely
not a big factor in my VBAC vs ELCS decision this time.

I understand you mourning the loss of your opportunity for a second birth like your first but I'm pretty sure it'll soon be forgotten the minute your gorgeous baby is here!!

resipsa Tue 07-Jul-15 21:24:58

You're all being kind when I probably just need a gentle slap to remind me of (i) where we are now and (ii) those seemingly endless months when the sight of anyone with 2 children and a husband reduced me to tears.

Drama queen, moi? wink

warriorbot Wed 08-Jul-15 15:13:20

Drama queen? Hell no! IVF is punishing enough, without the necessity of it after a cancer diagnosis. No slaps - just a cuppa and a hug.

I've not thought at all about birthing methods (I'm just six weeks with my first conception after three rounds of IVF so I'm just thinking about getting through the early scan right now!) But your comment about wanting to cry during those seemingly endless months: hell, yes! It's no wonder the stakes still feel so high.

I've just looked at some papers: I find data helps me feel more in control. If it helps you too, have a look at this paper from the Lancet:

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140673600028403

Odds of injury at birth are really low with C-Section and that was in 2000: things are bound to be even better now! In all the births by C-Section without labour beforehand, all the mothers and babies did well.

(A word of caution: some of the stats look high but that's because the authors included countries that have a really high rate of complications at birth. There were three deaths (out of over 1,000 births) recorded in countries with low complications at birth, and of those one was because of factors unrelated to the breech presentation, and two were after a prolonged attempt at vaginal birth before the section.)

I'm finding it hard to switch from the IVF mindset (if I'm lucky I might be able to be a mother) to the pregnancy mindset (I'd be unlucky not to be a mother.) Is that something you're finding? I've got no advice on dealing with that, though. Badger - any wisdom from a veteran?

Nottalotta Wed 08-Jul-15 16:53:44

I'm 36+4 and will be having a scan early next week to confirm breech presentation, or not. I decided weeks ago it would be elcs ifbaby doesn't turn. And so far, am really not bothered by it! The thought of waiting waiting waiting to go into labour, the pain, the unknown, everything about it scares me. Elcs seems so much better organised!

BadgerFace Thu 09-Jul-15 17:43:40

I'm afraid warrior that I don't think I completely switched out of the IVF mindset until I went into early labour and realised there would be a baby at the end of it one way or another!! Getting past the 20 week scan was a big hurdle for me though. At that point I felt confident enough to tell work...

This time it's much easier and now my 12 week scan is out of the way I have started to think about names. smile

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