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Mother In Law being a Pain - Help!!!

(53 Posts)
MumToBe2015R Sat 04-Jul-15 22:34:40

I'm 36wks, only have a few weeks left now, & mil is being a right pain!! She rang DH today demanding she is coming to the hospital with us when I go into labour & that we need to pick her up before we go (like she's royalty!angry)

Anyhow DH told her that's not happening, and only he is allowed in labour room (little white lie, I actually don't want her there)

She said she doesn't care & she's coming no one can stop her & she wants to be in the room when I give birth!

I'm so annoyed! Because since day one me & her have never got on, although my pregnancy all she's given me is grief, & bitch to other people about me! (As I've been quiet ill during the pregnancy, so she's been going around saying I'm not going to be a good mum!! angry)

I've made it clear since I got pregnant I only want DH there, and he will let my mum know, she lives quiet far so will take time for her to come. Even though she will come she will be in waiting room waiting for news.

My mother in law doesn't no this though, and she said to DH today 'if I can't be at the hospital, then her mum isn't allowed'
She's doing my head in with all this pathetic talk!

What do I do?

Am I doing anything wrong?

Can I let hospital staff aware when i arrive there, as i DONT WANT HER THERE!


joopy79 Sat 04-Jul-15 22:39:18

Don't call her until you are ready to see her. Make sure your DH understands this.

GiddyOnZackHunt Sat 04-Jul-15 22:40:45

Yes you can say you don't want anyone except DH. There may not be a waiting room BTW. Your DM would be better going somewhere like your house until you actually give birth.

Flisspaps Sat 04-Jul-15 22:40:51

You're doing nothing wrong grin

Make sure you/DH tell labour ward staff that you DO NOT want her there in case she works out where you are and rocks up anyway wink

ARunOfThings Sat 04-Jul-15 22:41:59

You can tell the hospital (talk to your midwife) and they can refuse to let her in. They can keep her away completely, or just until you've had the baby and got cleaned up etc, or whatever you prefer. That's what I'd do in this situation; she sounds like a nightmare.

HirplesWithHaggis Sat 04-Jul-15 22:42:48

Agree with joopy, just don't call her when you go into labour. You and your dh will have more pressing matters on your minds, you might even forget to take your phones with you...

PenelopePitstops Sat 04-Jul-15 22:45:48

Just don't call her until you are ready, 'hello Mil, you now have a lovely grand child, come visit for 20 mins'

Tequilashotfor1 Sat 04-Jul-15 22:46:06

I could have written your first three posts word for word.

At first my DP kind of expected mil to be there as she bullies her way in to the other three with SIL. I gave him the option of no mil or no DP.

You YANBU. The stress my horrible mil gave me while pregnant was hidious. She even caught me hiding from her once in my own home.

I didn't let her come and she flew out of the country in secret on the day I was due so when dp told her dd was here she had her own news. She truley is a nasty bitch.

It took my two years to grow balls and go NC with her. And what a pleasure that's been.

When I realised shecwas just a normal human being with no super powers, no control over me as an adult, no control over my child it was so easy to tell her to not to come to my home again. I've had 7 months of bliss.

Honestly - she has no power over you as an adult. She has no power over your child. Let her stamp her foot. Tell the midwife NO ONE is to be allowed in aoart from your dp: don't even tell her your in labour. That's the easiest bet.

The only person that allows her to behave like this is you. Stand your ground

Essexgirlupnorth Sat 04-Jul-15 22:46:20

No you are not doing anything wrong. We weren't going to tell anyone I was in hospital till baby arrived but was taking a long time so did tell people what was going on. My MIL did offer to come and let my husband have a break but I said no and she didn't come till visiting time to take us home. My parents pre warned the neighbours as needed the cat looking after but didn't leave till we called and said baby has arrived.
I'm pretty sure if you told the midwives you didn't want her in the room they would get rid of her but I think your husband needs to have a word with her and tell her it isn't happening.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Sat 04-Jul-15 22:49:22

Don't tell her? We didn't tell anyone I was in labour until the baby was born. I wouldn't this time either (no 2 due on Tuesday) except I need someone to look after DD!
With regards to sitting in the waiting room until baby is born... I was in labour for 48 hours with DC1 so that might not be feasible! Better for all family to wait at home until the baby is born in my opinion.

MumToBe2015R Sat 04-Jul-15 23:15:35

Wow so many replies! I suggested to DH we just let her know once baby has arrived. But he feels as its her first grandchild from her only child he wants to her to know what's going on! Although I don't agree to this!

How do I get him to understand without upsetting or making him angry? Last thing I want now is a arguement with him.

EssexMummy123 Sat 04-Jul-15 23:22:56

It's not his decision, it's yours - you are the one giving birth. Sounds like he needs to be mature enough to handle the fall-out from his mum and support you in your labour. Why on earth are you worried about making him angry? he needs to be supporting you not having you walking on egg-shells.

HirplesWithHaggis Sat 04-Jul-15 23:26:53

You need to point out to dh that in a situation where either his pregnant, labouring wife or his overbearing and quite ridiculous mother gets what she wants/needs, there can be only one answer. If that makes him actually angry, you need to be looking at all sorts of other things in your relationship - and not just MIL.

HirplesWithHaggis Sat 04-Jul-15 23:35:19

PS, when ds's dp was labouring with our dgs1, ds updated us via text. We felt no need to walk the corridors of the local matty unit, or to impose ourselves on a vulnerable woman. We visited when invited.

MumToBe2015R Sat 04-Jul-15 23:45:12

It's not that he will get angry. I think he just doesn't like to upset his elderly mum. But also doesn't like to upset me, but feels I'm more mature than his mum & will understand! But in this situation I refuse to listen to anyone else besides my mind! I don't want her there! And I'm guessing he will just have to tell her smile as I don't talk to her anyway! She has the cheek to come to my house last week & totally ignore me, sit in my living room & look me up & down!


Why do women keep doing this? Why does anyone - mil, DM, best friend, anyone - think they have the right to be at another woman's labour? I just don't understand it.

OP - stand firm. Tell DH and the midwives that she is not to be allowed in.

Are you doing NCT classes or similar? If so, maybe get the teacher on side and get them to remind 'everyone' (but really just your dh) how stress can slow labours and how important it is that you are totally comfortable with what's going on during your labour (ie, don't tell mil until after the event!)

Cross posts. I now think you need a more serious chat with dh. Not only should she not be at the labour but she needs to not be in your home during those first few weeks with your newborn. Short, 20 minute visits every two or three days. No more!

HirplesWithHaggis Sun 05-Jul-15 00:02:48

What's your/his definition of "elderly" vis a vis his mum? confused It seems odd to me to call, or regard someone as, "elderly" when her first dgc is about to be born.

pocketsized Sun 05-Jul-15 01:56:54

Not that odd hirples - if my MIL has been alive she would have been in her late 70s when DD was born....

MooseBeTimeForSummer Sun 05-Jul-15 02:08:38

My mum would have been 83

HirplesWithHaggis Sun 05-Jul-15 02:15:42

Fair enough, pocketsized. I felt I was too young to be a granny when dgs was born and I was in my late 40's. My mum was older than I am now (early 50's) when she first became a granny, but I don't think either of us would have considered ourselves "elderly". I'm curious about OP's definition though; it's quite possible MIL was 40+ when she birthed the dh, and that op is also 40+ (hence "elderly" MIL at 80-odds)

But OP doesn't "sound" 40+

(Sorry to talk about you in the third person, MumToBe)

Appleblossom82 Sun 05-Jul-15 06:02:20

She sounds like a selfish nutcase op!

Both sets of grandparents here been told no visitors to hospital until you are called. My parents pouted a little about this and made noises about waiting outside but i told them firmly that would stress me both sets live 5 mins from hospital so it makes no sense. Everyone has now accepted this.

You dh needs to stand up to her, no debate, just facts. Lord, as if you want her in the room with you! What is she thinking!? If he wont do it, you will gave to calmly tell her. No excuses or explanation required.

I'd also give the midwives a heads up.

YonicScrewdriver Sun 05-Jul-15 06:54:33

Ask him if he would like your mother waiting outside whilst he had a six hour operation on his penis?

Until the baby is born, there is only one patient - YOU! Whatever is best for you is best for the baby anyway!

Appleblossom82 Sun 05-Jul-15 06:58:34

Plus why are you worried about upsetting him and making him angry? It should be him doing everything in his power to keep you calm and happy in the run up to the birth.

PotteringAlong Sun 05-Jul-15 06:58:56

Also your mum might not be able to "be in the waiting room waiting for news" - our local hospital didn't really have one and definitely didn't allow random family members to wait in there for hours.

It's only really on tv that happens smile

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