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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Morning sickness rows - feel so low

53 replies

LoveLetters · 04/07/2015 19:58

After 4 weeks of awful morning sickness my Dp has said he is fed up of doing everything, and I need to fight this and get over it. That he would be fighting and not letting it defeat him. How the hell are you supposed to fight severe morning sickness. He says other women have it and battle on.. Why am I so pathetic? Bearing in mind I was admitted to hospital with a suspected blood clot in my lung but turns out I've severely pulled muscle in my chest from all the throwing up I'm doing. I usually shout back but I'm so Unwell I can't even do that. I'm just sat here crying. Am I really that pathetic? I'm on the verge of 11 weeks.

OP posts:

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JontyDoggle37 · 04/07/2015 20:01

Get your midwife to speak to your 'D'P. He needs it explaining to him in words of one syllable that this is not voluntary or you being weak.
Contagtulations on your baby and

mousmous · 04/07/2015 20:02

you are not pathetic - HE is.

mummyneedinganswers · 04/07/2015 20:06

No u are not pathetic but I think its very very difficult for your dp to understand as they don't go through I have hyperemesis gravidium and have had it since 4 weeks and still gave it not at !nearly 19 weeks I understand completely how debilitating and shit it makes you feel as I have it too. Try drink plenty have you been to your gp for antiemedics ? I'm on ondansetron and ciclyzine and to be fair they don't work very well for as they don't stop me vomiting but they do ease it slightly. Explain to him rationally how hard it is and try and explain to him in terms of him having commuting sickness all day accompanied by acid and heartburns and muscles pain for two weeks while still trying to function .

Or there is a few books you could get him that might help him understand xx

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 04/07/2015 20:07

I found midwives and hcps can be just as unsympathetic.
You have my full sympathies had horrendous hg until about 14 weeks. Look on the help HER website, also pregnancy sickness support website, there are loads of resources on there for partners/relatives who for some reason think you can just snap out of it

meglet · 04/07/2015 20:07

other women don't battle on. I was in bed whimpering or sicking out of my nostrils.

the sickness can be awful. He needs to get his head around it.

Natalieday1 · 04/07/2015 20:09

Wow that's very unsupportive! Think men can be quite ignorant a lot of the time when it comes to how hard pregnancy is..try having a civil word with him~no arguments..and explain that u r doing ur best but while the morning sickness is around u just need a little bit of extra support from him..x

LoveLetters · 04/07/2015 20:10

I have explained and he gets it, but then after a day of doing stuff he starts venting and ranting at me. He is being so awful and irrational. He isn't even doing a third of what I do anyway on a daily basis, yet is still moaning. Him being so uncaring is actually making me loose respect for him. He even punched the bag he was holding in frustration when he was telling me not to let it defeat me. I told him calmly that he should just go downstairs and leave me alone. Really dislike him right now

OP posts:

ChazzerChaser · 04/07/2015 20:12

No you are not pathetic! I don't struggle on even with just the nausea and tiredness. My husband picks up loads of slack. So you can tell him that's what other husbands do, not whinge around making it about them. Husbands who don't support their pregnant wives really piss me off.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 04/07/2015 20:13

Your partner is abusive. I'm sorry you're in this situation. You deserve better, and it won't get better when the baby is here but worse.
Do you have other kids with him? Have you been together long? Has he always been like this or just since pregnancy?

ChazzerChaser · 04/07/2015 20:14

Ok just read your last message and he's pissed me off even more. He shouldn't be punching things. Do you feel safe loveletters?

JassyRadlett · 04/07/2015 20:17

He sounds utterly awful.

Talk to MW and GP (my GP was a bit rubbish about hyperemesis, was sort of 'well, if you dehydrate too much we'll put you in hospital, otherwise ginger biscuits?' Git.) MW rang the GP, told him exactly what to prescribe and gave him a big piece of her mind. I love her to bits.

And then get your MW to talk to your DH and get him to go and boil his head. I'll lend you my MW. She's tiny and Polish and made of fucking steel.

Pregnancy sickness is shit. It was bad with DS1 but a hundred times worse this time. Difference for me is that my DH has been amazing.

callamia · 04/07/2015 20:18

Can you ask his mother to explain it to him? He's being bloody terrible, and this doesn't bode well for the rest if your pregnancy, or when you have a newborn. He needs to change his attitude quickly.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 04/07/2015 20:20

Get him to look at the Pregnancy Sickness Support website. Tell him women died of hyperemesis (including Charlotte Bronte) and it is a severe complication of pregnancy, not the more common nausea and sickness experienced by many women, which can still be debilitating in itself. I was signed off work for weeks whilst other colleagues who were also pregnant appeared to sail through with no absence at all. Has he ever had food poisoning or norovirus? Ask him if he can imagine 'fighting' that. Pregnancy sickness can be just the same as that and rest is absolutely vital for your health and the baby's. Fighting it would be damaging.

I had a horrendous hangover last weekend. It took me right back to my pregnancies and I shudder still at the memory. The difference is that a hangover or bug is short lived. The misery of hyperemesis keeps on going, draining all your energy.
Check out the hyperemesis support thread on the pregnancy board and I hope your partner steps up to support you too.

LoveLetters · 04/07/2015 20:20

I think I actually want to leave him. I've just told him this and he brushed it off. When I asked him why he doesn't take me seriously, he said I'm chosen the wrong time and place. What does that mean???
We already have two kids together under 4. He had to persuade me to have number 3, I didn't want a third child but he went on and on about it. Now I'm starting to feel totally trapped. No job, SAHM. I've got no hope right now. I'm totally lost

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JassyRadlett · 04/07/2015 20:22

What a fucker.

He doesn't get to choose the 'time and place'. I'd be tempted to kick him out, OP. Can you get help with the older kids?

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 04/07/2015 20:23

Seriously?

He can't cope with running the house for a few weeks?? Have you told him to have a good hard look at himself and his coping ability, because functioning adults can handle that sort of thing without issues.

I agree with PPs who have said he may have anger issues. Punching things when you're cross is neither normal nor ok.

Natalieday1 · 04/07/2015 20:23

Aww I'm sorry ur feeling like that pregnancy is tough enough without feeling like that..was he the same with ur other pregnsncys? Maybe before u make any rash decisions about leaving him be sure that it's what u really want and not just hormones/frustration making u feel that way..

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 04/07/2015 20:23

Honestly, if my partner treated me like this there would need to be some serious grovelling or he'd be an ex. Is he normally so selfish - presumably not or you would not be with him.

Slightly random, but you don't know anyone with navy connections do you? Most attentive husband I know was ex navy and had seen how sea sickness could slay the toughest of men. Some home truths might help.

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 04/07/2015 20:24

Oh gosh. Cross post

WanderWomble · 04/07/2015 20:25

Give him some metronidazole and a glass of whiskey. See how he can fight through it then.

gamerchick · 04/07/2015 20:25

Adding your previous thread to this one I would be booking a termination and making plans to leave with my kids - despite what he says.

Don't have any more babies with this person in any case.

LoveLetters · 04/07/2015 20:26

Been with him for 10 yrs and I've never felt threatened or scared of him. He just did it in frustration but to me it's enough.
Lots of other stuff has happened with another female at his work and for me, I've just got to a point where I can't take anymore. I know in my head this isn't a loving normal relationship at the moment.

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Iwonderif · 04/07/2015 20:26

Sorry to hear youre feeling so poorly. I had it too, really really bad with baby number 3. You have my sympathy and understanding big time.

I dont like the way your partner has just hit a bag "in frustration"????? This doesnt sit comfortably. If your leg was in plaster or you were in hospital with phnumonia would he tell you to pull yourself together?

He's being incredibly unkind and cruel. Be careful OP. If this is totally new behaivour and you notice it getting worse you need to speak to someone.

WanderWomble · 04/07/2015 20:27

I've just seen your last post. I'm so sorry you're feeling like that.

Do you have family that you could live with for a few weeks?

ChazzerChaser · 04/07/2015 20:29

Loveletters, you sound to me like you have your head screwed on about this. Listen to yourself.

I'm not you, and I don't know your whole history, but I wouldn't be with a man that behaved like this. There are a few red flags in there. It worries me if I'm honest .

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