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Feel like a bad mummy

(11 Posts)
TheOddity Thu 02-Jul-15 08:21:56

I'm 11 weeks pregnant, feel morning sick most of day, have haemorrhoids, have some kind of stomach bug which means diarrhoea and just recovered from thrush. I am so so tired and I can't sleep well at night.

All this adds up to me just taking every opportunity to lie back down on my bed. DS is 3 and I am feeling so guilty that his summer holiday is being spent inside, just playing on his own in his room. No family nearby, couple of friends but I don't want visitors right now as the house is messy and due to my sickness/diarrhoea. I really try to get out of the house for half an hour when the sickness lets up but I just feel so guilty and he doesn't understand poor little boy :-(. He keeps asking "do you still feel sick mummy?". Starting to wish I had waited until he was in full time school for another one now.

Roseybee10 Thu 02-Jul-15 08:23:46

I felt like that last summer as I was in the first trimester. You just do what you need to survive. They'll be fine. You can't be superwoman so don't feel guilty xx

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Thu 02-Jul-15 08:26:52

I'm 39+2 and have a 20 month old. She has watched far far too much TV the past few weeks. Don't be so hard on yourself, it won't damage him!

quesadillas Thu 02-Jul-15 08:28:21

I know exactly how you feel. DS is 2 and I'm now 26 weeks. I had horrendous morning sickness, but thankfully at least that was when it was winter so he wouldn't particularly want to go out anyway. But these last few weeks, and particularly days, when it's been hot, I've been feeling so guilty that I've not been up to entertaining him much. Everyone keeps telling me he's ok, he's happy and won't remember anyway, but I still feel bad.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Hope you feel better soon.

Wishful80sMontage Thu 02-Jul-15 08:37:36

I'm glad I read this thread I've been feeling the same way too dd is 2 and I'm 17 weeks. It's bloody hard work isn't it. I've been feeling extra guilty as the things we would normally do often trips to park and baby groups I've been avoiding as dd is going through a tantrum stage coupled with the heat and still feeling like crap I can't manage those some days.
I think we just have to do what we can. Lately puzzles have helped my dd loves puzzles they can keep her interested while I have a lie down for a few mins dies your ds like things like that ?

fattymcfatfat Thu 02-Jul-15 08:43:07

I have a 6 yo and an 18 month old
I'm 37 weeks pregnant with severe spd
Its awful. I couldn't even make it to the 6 yo sports day yesterday sad luckily he is very understanding. DD on the other hand, she just wants to climb and bounce on me and cant understand why I won't let her headbutt my belly hmm

TheOddity Thu 02-Jul-15 09:05:03

Thanks for the kind words everyone, especially Roseybee's word of wisdom. You made me feel better that I'm not the only one being rubbish in the world!

I think DS's sympathy makes it even harder! I got up, made him breakfast this morning, stuck cbeebies on so he had company and went back to bed as I couldn't even summon the energy to put some spread on my toast without vomiting. DH found me there just crying but obviously had to go to work and leave me like that. Feel bad that that was how he had to go to work too sad.

I really don't remember the first trimester being this hard last time. I think having someone to look after this time is even harder than it was to go to work with morning sickness where I could sit down, eat ginger biscuits and reply to emails and attend the occasional meeting without too much effort. Maybe I am over romanticising my memory of it?! Wiping bottoms, washing up, sorting out nosebleeds, getting toddlers out the house is all so physical and just what I don't need right now!

No idea how someone with SPD or Hypermesis can be at home alone with small children. Poor poor you FattyMcFatFat

Roseybee10 Thu 02-Jul-15 10:19:33

Tbh I still use too much TV. So far dd1 has played on iPad (educational games of course) while I showered and washed my hair (took dd2 in the bouncer into the bathroom) and now is watching peppa pig while I throw some Washings on and tidy up and empty dishwasher and dd2 naps in her swing.

That's generally our routine in the morning and then I make sure we go out in the afternoon - today we're going fruit picking at a farm.

I've established I can't make every hour of every day interactive and fun and if I can use the mornings to get organised then the afternoons are ours.

I've spent months beating myself up about not being a good mum because I don't play with them enough and people keep telling me housework can wait but the Washings and dishes etc can't wait as I can't run the house without those things.

Motherhood seems to be all about guilt. I think as soon as you get that line on the test second time around then pfb ends up getting less attention first due to pregnancy crap then other baby. However, watching my dds together makes it all worth it. Dd1 idolises her sister and they already play together.

X

Bobian123 Thu 02-Jul-15 10:35:06

Timely thread for me- 20 month old and I are currently watching the lion king. I would normally take him to a group in the morning but im having either strong braxton hicks or mild contractions so, for once, am feeling guilt-free(ish)!

I feel your pain. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. Pregnancy is hard, especially second time around!!! My DD is coming up to 27 months and just doesnt understand why mummy can't chase her in the park or be bothered to get off the sofa to play 'Choo Choo's'. I have suffered with hyperemisis again in this pregnancy and poor DH had to literally do everything for the first few months as I was being sick up to 20 times a day and could barely move from the spare room. I felt so guilty that my DD was missing out on mummy time and I was missing out on all the things she was learning to do, and even though I can't do as much as i would like with her now it has got much easier and i try my best. That is all you can do, just try and do what you can and do not worry about it. It will get easier and your DS will not remember these times.

It seems like you are really suffering so just be kind to yourself and look after that lovely bundle of joy you are creating. Husbands were created to look after us in our time of need - this is you time of need. Relax and I hope that you are feeling better very soon smile

MazyCrummy Thu 02-Jul-15 12:29:10

Hi Oddity, how much of being 3 do you remember? I'm betting that once baby arrives and your DS is in full big brother mode, he'll not even remember these few weeks! Be kind to yourself, make life as easy as possible for now, and think about the years of playing together your 2 DC will have. That's more than compensation for a few weeks playing inside more than normal (that he's unlikely even to remember).

flowers

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