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Stressed and Anxious...

(7 Posts)
lauraa4 Wed 01-Jul-15 12:57:52

Don't really know what I'm looking for by writing this, maybe just reassurance or for someone to tell me they know how I'm feeling.

So basically a few days ago my OH and I decided it would be beneficial for our relationship if we had some time apart from each other. The reason being is because we had both been arguing a fair bit and I was starting to become really unhappy, and I think he was just feeling a bit fed up and out of his depth. It's not even that anything major has happened it's stupid petty little arguments and neither of us being able to sit down and properly talk without one of us losing our temper. I am now staying with a close family friend and he is remaining at our place. We have both agreed that this isn't a permanent thing and we just need some time to focus on ourselves and just chill before the baby gets here. He is still coming to my appointments with me when he can and we are still going to meet up for lunch/dinner occasionally.

I know that this is the best thing for us and I would much rather this then when the baby gets here in September but I feel so emotional about it all. I know I'm probably just really hormonal and not used to not being with him but I'm finding it horrible sad I have always suffered from mild anxiety and I am someone who worries over nothing but I keep convincing myself that this is the end and that we won't be able to sort it out. Despite being a stress head I am someone who can normally hold it together but I keep breaking down at work and when I'm just about to go to bed or get up in the morning. I'm just scared that everything won't be OK.

I have a midwife appointment this afternoon (which he is coming to) and I know she's going to ask me how I'm feeling. I don't know whether to just accept the fact I'm being over emotional or tell her I'm upset and struggling with what's going on in my relationship.

Anyone else been or going through the same thing?

Hippymama1 Wed 01-Jul-15 13:28:51

You poor thing to be going through all of this while pregnant too! flowers

Firstly, I would tell the MW what is going on as there may be some ante natal mental health support you could access through your hospital... Existing MH issues like anxiety do flare up during pregnancy and it happens to loads of women - you are not alone in feeling like this.

In terms of having your OH with you for the appointment, maybe he could be there for the bits that are about the baby and step outside for the bits about you? That way you can speak freely with the MW about how you feel without feeling awkward in front of him.

Secondly, would it help you to have a definitive time set on this time apart? At least a definitive time to talk - it seems a bit up in the air if you are already suffering with anxiety and maybe having a more concrete plan in place might be helpful?

lauraa4 Wed 01-Jul-15 13:43:33

Thanks Hippymama1 I think I will tell her what's going on to see what she suggests.

I don't know if having a definitive time set would put too much pressure on things? We both want to be back properly together by the time September comes but that's still two months away. It's so difficult to go from living with someone and seeing them every morning, evening and weekend to speaking to them via text every couple of days.

sianihedgehog Wed 01-Jul-15 18:47:23

Definitely tell the midwife and try to access antenatal mental health help. It sounds to me like there's a chance that getting support might help with the sadness and arguing that prompted the time apart, too. Pregnancy hormones can be EVIL for mental health, and I have found it much harder to cope with normal stresses with the hormones on top.

I'd definitely set a definitive schedule for the time apart, too. Probably both set dates and times to talk and a set date for it to end. Not having those would make anyone anxious and unsure, and if you're both agreed that it's temporary then there should be no problem with organising that.

FeelTheNoise Wed 01-Jul-15 21:38:05

You need some permanence though sad you need a stable home in which to nest and then bring your baby home to sad

FeelTheNoise Wed 01-Jul-15 21:39:26

He should have left! I'm actually quite upset at your situation x

Candlefairy101 Wed 01-Jul-15 21:51:26

Why have you left OP? My partner and I have a very fiery relationship and every time I've insisted we have time apart he would never expect me to leave my home, you teally need to be I. Your best now, within your best you can think more logically about your relationship because at the moment you are going to be missing your home, your normal life and you may get that confused with missing him?

Also I suffered with mental health and while I'm pregnant I'm am part of a special group through NHS for mothers that are pregnant and mother who have babies up to one years old, you without a doubt need to be referred to these people they are amazing, they call you, you can speak to anyone 24/7 and they even come over your home for a chat (so you really need to go back to your best)

Mental health a pregnancy = raging hormones! I've just had a go at my husband (I'm 12 weeks btw) and then the next minute I'm sat on him lol!

If I was you if ring the doctor tomorrow to get referee , then go home and explain you need to build your best and it will help you see how much you miss him and how much you need him without you missing your home and life on top of that x

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