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Pregnancy glamour overload...

(230 Posts)
Baguettes Mon 29-Jun-15 19:45:07

I have just picked a fight with DH regarding his bloody stinky feet. We are not talking. I am now lying stretched out on the sofa like a blimp, farting and burping. I am wearing leggings with a hole in the knee and another one developing in the crotch area. No bra. I need a bath. Considering a bowl of Rice Krispies for dinner.

Would anyone like to stake a claim to being more glamorous / sexy than me this evening?

Baguettes Mon 29-Jun-15 19:45:37

Oh and I might sit here and Ped Egg my feet in a minute.

Appleblossom82 Mon 29-Jun-15 20:42:17

Lol, love this.

I have been in jimjams since 6pm. Belly sticking out under vest top. Farting every so often. Leaked a small dribble of wee when i laughed earlier. I have never felt sexier.

Baguettes Mon 29-Jun-15 21:04:33

Ah. I haven't dribbled wee yet. That's where I'm going wrong.

Appleblossom82 Mon 29-Jun-15 21:06:59

You can work up to it don't worry flowers

I have always been quite proud of my pelvic floor and now i just dont know wtf is going on. Im only 22 weeks blush

Its not loads but its the odd dribble. Gross.

Junosmum Mon 29-Jun-15 21:09:02

I'm sat in my OHs batman jammy bottoms, his white, tea stained t shirt. A grubby white dressing gown and fuchsia pink leopard print slippers which smell, because I stepped in cat wee (before ordering OH to clean it up). I'm burping up sick and farting. And picking a spot. Good to know my slovenliness is not unusual! I'm normally clean and well dressed. I do usually fart a lot.

Snowflake15 Mon 29-Jun-15 21:11:15

I'm impressed you can still reach you feet to Ped egg them! I'm getting close to having to give up on the feetgrin

Baguettes Mon 29-Jun-15 21:14:42

Snowflake I won't lie; the position I have to get in to Ped Egg comfortably is less than elegant.

gaggiagirl Mon 29-Jun-15 21:16:25

Ooh this is like the style and beauty boards 'what are you wearing today' topic..
Only sexier.
I'm in holey Christmas leggings. Navy blue grease stained vest with bump hanging out the bottom and black dressing gown covered with foundation and concealer. My right boob is on fire. I've got trapped wind. I've just had a drink that went down the wrong way and coughed so much I pissed my Xmas pants.

Appleblossom82 Mon 29-Jun-15 21:17:58

Yay, im not the only pissy one grin

Snowflake15 Mon 29-Jun-15 21:19:26

Baguettes what is this elegant you speak of? I live in one nightie, which ends up covered in chocolate/coco pops stains by the time I wash it, with no underwear and spread eagled on the sofa most of the time... I figure it's only going to get worse, especially when it comes to showtime, best to ease OH into itgrin

Baguettes Mon 29-Jun-15 21:25:51

We are hot. Damn hot.

wonders how we all managed to get impregnated in the first place grin

gaggiagirl Mon 29-Jun-15 21:31:00

I was once a buxom raven haired temptress. Now I'm like a swollen carcass that smells of piss and garlic bread. How DH still gets erections is beyond me.

Baguettes Mon 29-Jun-15 21:32:46

gaggia I reckon my DH's erections are now just an involuntary physical state.

Appleblossom82 Mon 29-Jun-15 21:32:58

Lol baguettes and gaggia

Dh finds bump sexy. That i get but all the other things that go with it errr...not so much!

Snowflake15 Mon 29-Jun-15 21:44:47

To be fair, DH has gone downhill himself too! He seems to have really stinky wind and he's been eating loads of garlic so he reeks! Can't wait to get the nursery done as we're having a sofabed in there... Separate beds, the epitome of sexy glamourgrin

whatsoever Mon 29-Jun-15 21:52:31

I'm only 9w and I'm as glamorous as I was at 7m last time. At the moment my day is terrible or less terrible depending on whether my constipation allows me to have a poo, or makes me swell up to the size of the Michelin man on any given day.

Farting is just a given at all times. Ditto indiscriminate gagging for almost any reason.

Hippymama1 Mon 29-Jun-15 22:12:58

I'm 39 + 3, wearing my husbands clothes pretty much constantly and have no control over my farts. Can't hold 'em in even if I want to. And they are LOUD AND PROUD. Part of me doesn't even care when I waddle down the road letting a trump out with each step in front of complete strangers.

RockerMummy184 Mon 29-Jun-15 22:25:56

I'm 24w with twins and about the size of a small house. Clothes on my bump feel horrible so whenever I can get away with it I'm in my underwear and nothing else!
Tonight I tried to have a nice bath and shave my legs and armpits for the first time in weeks, but DS kept getting out of bed and DH wouldn't help, so after the third time of hauling my fat arse out, I gave it up as a bad job. I didn't even have a wash. I'm still as hairy and smelly as when I got in!
I also haven't had to actually use the loo for about 5 days coz I've just peed myself constantly...Thank god for Tena pads!
I've given up squeezing spots there are just too many of them.

Purpleball Mon 29-Jun-15 22:31:58

I just sneezed on DH. I was focusing my energies on not pissing myself! Thank fk for panty liners

Hippymama1 Mon 29-Jun-15 22:32:29

I had to do a 24 hour urine check last week and managed to pee down my own leg at 3am. 'Tis but cruel to ask a heavily pregnant woman for urine samples of anything... The last time I saw that area without the aid of a complex set up of mirrors was some time in February.

I have a better aim when drunk and weeing in a bush.

Emjones88 Mon 29-Jun-15 22:33:07

grin ladies, this is amazing! Brilliantly funny, laugh out loud stuff. And so pleased I'm not alone!

RockerMummy184 Mon 29-Jun-15 22:37:49

Last time mw asked me for a sample I pissed all over my own hand as I can no longer see where to aim for the bottle. They should provide some kind of huge funnel for these things imo.

Hippymama1 Mon 29-Jun-15 22:40:59

I hear you Rocker - there is a complete design flaw with either the urine sample pots or the female anatomy. I am currently unsure as to which is flawed.

Plus, because my baby's massive head is on my bladder I can only hold about 5ml of wee at a time so there is no such thing as mid-stream... If I don't catch the stream first time I have to wait for the next weeing opportunity for my sample.

Luckily, due to aforementioned baby and massive head, the next opportunity for a wee is usually only 15 minutes away.

BadIdeaBear Mon 29-Jun-15 22:44:45

Oh my god, I'm literally weeping over this thread! A funnel would be wonderful!

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