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I'm so sad.(22 Posts)
I'm seven and a half months pregnant. I left my long term partner, met someone new, was with him for a year and he left me when he found out I was pregnant. It wasn't planned, our contraception failed. I did not want an abortion. He continuously harassed me about having a termination, manipulated and bullied me. He was ringing, texting all through the night telling me I had to abort. I told him I would to this alone, a few weeks later he turned up at my house and 'forgave' me. He moved in, but every time I asked him for support or to attend scans he told me I had to 'suffer the consequences of what I had done' all through he has bullied me about not having an abortion, tried to convince me to have my baby adopted. He has been so awful and dreadful. I asked him to leave, it had become so unbearable in my house that I was staying in hotels as he was upsetting me so much. He's gone now, he left a few weeks ago, however I feel so sad and so lonely. I have lost everything. My friends, I have no money, I'm being made redundant and I have to move house in four weeks into cheaper accommodation . I feel so down, I've list everything. I should be so excited about my son, but I'm just scared. I'm scared of ending up in a shelter, I'm scared of not loving my baby. I know how lucky I am to be having a child....I just feel so desolate, lost and at times suicidal. Thanks for reading.
You shouldn't be scared of not loving your son OP- you already are- you've done an incredibly difficult thing in order to put your son first and create a safe environment for him to live in. You are a loving mum
To add have you spoken to your midwife at all about your suicidal feelings?
That is such a sad story.
You are better off without him. You can do this and you will do this. Your son is lucky to have you as his mummy; you sound amazingly strong. Of course you will love your baby.
Have you got anyone at all nearby? When will you be moving? Have you looked into the support you can get now and after the birth? How many weeks are you? Sorry for all the questions, but hopefully you will get lots of support (practical and emotional) here.
Yes to speaking to midwife; wise advice there. There are midwives who deal with these specific kind of issues and will help you through.
You do NOT have to get through this alone.
No, I think they are quite normal really considering the circumstances. I wouldn't actually do it, just scared of how down I've felt. I don't want to involve my midwife in feelings that are just flashes as it will generate a whole load of drama that I just can't be dealing with. I just needed to get it off my chest, if I seriously felt properly suicidal I would get help straight away. Thanks for the support.
I'm about 33 weeks. No family, lots of support at work so devastated to be being made redundant....
I'll think about talking to midwife...sorry, feel a bit lost and flailing around!
Do think about talking to your mw, they will help you. They will want to make things better for you, not harder.
Do you know if there are any antenatal groups in your area? They can be a great source of support but understand it might be difficult for your to throw yourself into that kind of situation at the moment.
How many weeks do you have left at work?
I finish work the end of July, I haven't been to any classes yet...I will try and get to some. Thanks.
What has happened to you is awful.
However, You need to start finding some positivity in your life and the biggest positive thing you have to live for and fight for is the gorgeous baby boy you are going to have. All your son needs is your love.
Do you have any friends or family that can help you? If not, it sounds like you already have started taking charge and are moving to cheaper accommodation. Can you write a money plan of income minus expenditure so you know where you stand financially. Are you getting any redundancy pay that could help support you for a while? You could also speak to someone about benefits that you may be entitled to, there is financial support out there to help you.
At ALL times you must remember that things will get better, although it may not feel like it at this moment in time.
You are strong and you will move forwards from this.
Thank you, I do focus on my boy and know I am so lucky to have him....it just all gets a bit much. I just want to have somewhere safe for him to grow up. Redundancy will be stat so about a months wages, maternity pay is also stat but protected. Thank you, I really really appreciate everyone's support
You have all of our support
Maven you thought of any names for your son?
Little boys are so loving and right mummy's boys, they love their cuddles X
I know exactly how you feel. I'm nearly 4 months pregnant and my partner left me and he too pestered me about having an abortion, spat in my face when I said no and is being unbearable (and this only happened on Wednesday).
I understand how lost you must feel and how hard it is to get excited for a baby when you're going through such a heartbreaking time.
Please, feel free to private message me on here if you would like to talk. I'm not sure if you seen my post a couple of days ago but I think it may be of some comfort to you to speak to someone who is going through something similar.
A friend recently said to me "even the darkest hour only has 60 minutes". Please remember that how you're feeling won't last forever.
Really sorry to hear your story little if any consolation I'm going to be a single mum too and in so far 18 weeks and all I'm focusing at is the little baby at the end of all this - and that gives me the energy to be a stronger person ( for your upcoming child) . Though you are being made redundant they're all sorts of financial support that you will be entitled to such as job seekers alliance/ child tax credits etc and you can also apply for maternity grant from your local council.
In terms of feeling down and not having family around you - I would say do indeed speak to your midwife - they are trained and they will look after you and you and your baby's well being and it's not going to be a drama.
Mums net friends are always here if you wish to have a rant. Stay positive and just focus on you and your son. It's all going to work out fine .xoxo
I wish there was something I could do to help you.
I know your ex has been a complete arse (and that's putting it mildly) but are you going to pursue him for maintenance at all? I really think you should. Men get off so lightly in these situations and the very least he could do after putting you through so much emotional pain is help support his child.
You say you've lost your friends... was this after the break up with your long-term partner (the one before the Arse?) Or did the Arse alienate them? If the former, then perhaps enough time has passed for you to start getting back in touch with them? And if the latter, then maybe they'll welcome you back into their lives now the Arse is out of your life? Just some thoughts, I just find it so sad that all your friends would desert you in such a situation. I was in a relationship with someone entirely unsuitable for a long time who alienated my friends but once I ended it with him, I got many of them back! It might be worth trying? Sorry if this is out of the question for you.
And yes, speak to your mw about all of this, she'll be able to help you access more help.
And think of the major positive in all this: your lovely new baby will be in your arms soon. Xxx
Thanks everyone. I lost friends as my best friend got together with my ex. I do still have friends that are supporting me as much as they can but lots of them have backed off as there isn't anything they can do. I'm getting more and more down and one thing after another keeps happening so it's hard for them too. Thanks everyone for your replies. I was positive about my baby but now I'm just feeling stuck, panicked and sad. I'm ok, just glum.
I will pursue him for maintenance although he keeps telling me he can't afford it.....tbh I don't really care about him anymore.
Hi. I have been through somewhat similar, but basically on my own now heavily pregnant. I have finally found some peace with it - some days are better than others. The best thing I did was talk to my midwife (well more collapse into tears in MW appointment). It is really important that the midwife, health visitors and so on are aware of situation as they are there to support you. The support that can be offered will vary depending on where you are in the country, but please, please reach out to midwife and ask what support you can get. I have had extra care through my pregnancy because of my circumstances and will get extra care once baby arrives with additional visits particularly in first week or so after baby is born (which I requested). They are good at getting you to focus on future, and not looking back. Also, remember pregnancy hormones will make this kind of thing harder but reach out, and dig deep to find the strength within you.
Seamistbythesea- it is so hard I had been ok really up till now, I guess hormones have just hit me hard. I'm sorry you are going through the same thing, thank you for sharing with me. Thank you everyone....even if I haven't thanked you by name I really appreciate your support. It means a lot to me. Baguettes- yes! He's an arse.
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