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Anyone else feel guilt/worry about affect of pregnancy on other DC?

(3 Posts)
Casablanca78 Sat 27-Jun-15 17:42:37

A bit of background will probably help here - my DD is almost 7. Her father, my ex husband, and I split when she was 2 after being together over 15 years. We've only this year divorced and we are still very close - we actively co-parent and he is involved in every aspect of her life and whilst she spends most of her week with me due to his shift work, he will see her whenever he can and does school runs, pick ups etc. and she stays there whenever it works. I carry a lot of guilt about the separation (which is a whole different subject) and as a result I've focused all my efforts in to making sure DD is happy, knows she is loved and doing whatever I can for her (spoiling her no doubt!). The last 5 years have really been a team of me and her, I've made her my world, we are best buddies and I've poured all my love in to her and always put her needs first in everything I do (there was a great article recently in the guardian about this kind of mother/daughter relationship after a separation).

Anyhoo, I'm waffling - I met someone else who is great and we've been together a few years now but don't live together, I guess I've kept him slightly at arms length to protect myself and DD, although he's great with her. I've just found out recently I'm pregnant and I'm worrying about how this will all sit with DD. Clearly we will have to look at living arrangements now (which to be fair needed to be on the cards soon anyway) and there's going to be a lot of changes happening. Im scared it's going to rock her little world. I'd never want her to feel like she wasn't the centre of my world anymore. For that reason, I was pretty sure I'd never have anymore children and she'd be my one and only but my new partner hasn't had children so since being with him it was always on the cards he'd want one of his own at some stage, I just hadn't expected it right now and I'm struggling to get my head round it! I'm really not sure what I'm asking here, maybe just hoping others have had similar feelings and can relate to what I'm saying. And offer any insight on how best to deal with things.
Thanks in advance for any advice.

mrso2015 Sat 27-Jun-15 19:01:23

I know what you're going through, I have a 7 yr old boy and I got married and am now 20 weeks in. It was scary at first, I have been very ill with it too and I know hes missing me. All the advise I've been given is they will just cope with it, it's happening and you cant stop it.

I have the added difficulty that I am now evil step mother to a 6 and 5 yr old who are struggling to cope with someone giving them a brother or sister that isn't their mum.

Its been a massive adjustment for everyone but unfortunately the way I see it is it they will cope with whatever is thrown their way as long as we dont worry too much because they're stronger than we are and more willing to accept change. Hope that helps although I appreciate there's not much anyone can say

rebbles Sat 27-Jun-15 19:08:15

As a child of divorced parents I would say as long as you involve her in the process she will be really excited. Let her see the scan, help you paint the nursery choose the colours, pick out some clothes etc. that way she won't feel excluded. Likewise when baby arrives as long as she is included and feels like she is the one being relied on to help look after she will love it. Ask her to help with collecting nappies for a change, push the baby around the garden etc. so she feels
Like the big sister and has a big part.
It will be lovely. Xx

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