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NEED ADVICE bit of a long one but 19 happily pregnant but wanting to go back to education is it possible ?

(13 Posts)
mummyneedinganswers Sat 27-Jun-15 17:12:20

Okay so don't really know where to start I want brutal honesty if its possible.

Okay so when I was your I lived with my father and his girlfriend and due to circumstances I was removed by social service at 15 and sent to live with my mother whom I hadn't seen for many years. It was a struggle due to myself not knowing how to cope with the circumstances and my mum not knowing how to cope with me I fell in a bad crowd and started drinking and drugs and my mother had to place me into care as I was uncontrollable I spent a lot of months on a bad path in a bad situation I dropped out of school and didn't finish any of my GCSE or qualifications and just done nothing for a while. I eventually realized what I had become and got psychiatric help for borderline personality disorder and got myself off drugs and drink and settled myself down. I met my now fiancé and was a completely different person I was 16 and he was 21. After a while when I was 17 and had been with my partner many months my social worker and mother agreed I could leave care to move in with him with the support of social services until I'm 21. Which went well I haven't drank alcohol or touched any recreational drug since I was 16 and I am a changed person I am completely stable and have been off all medications for over a year now. My partner and I had been trying for a baby after I had miscarriages and now that I am 17 weeks pregnant I want to make the best life for myself and our baby. I have always been interested in law but it would mean getting my GCSEs and a levels and then university. I am thinking of maybe enrolling in a part time GCSE course in September (baby due November) it would be one night per week per course so if I take 4 courses it would be four nights a week. I really want to do this but would it be possible a baby part time education and running our own house. My partner works full time and I want to make a living to but I want a career not just a job I was always very smart until the circumstances that happened with my father at 15 so I know I'm capable of the workload but want to ensure that it would be possible.

I know a lot of people will think from reading this dear god why is she having a baby but we are more than ready we have been together 3 years and have our own house and cope very well I am 100% stable and everything is going brilliantyl . I have always been more mature for my age than expected I'm 19 but act 30 I don't go out I don't drink I just like to keep to myself now and focus on our future.

Is there any of you that have been young and had kids but continued education or went back to education when your kids were young it would be much appreciated as I really want to build a life for usx thankyou

mummyneedinganswers Sat 27-Jun-15 17:13:39

I still have the help of my social worker and personal adviser whom I am very close with and they have also said that there is no need for us to be referred to family support services as there are no concerns regarding my health or baby's welfare x

bittapitta Sat 27-Jun-15 17:21:10

Yes of course you can do this. You sound really motivated. However I personally would suggest waiting until your baby is at least 4-6 months old, you will be too sleep deprived and in the midst of adjusting to new motherhood to do evening classes etc with a newborn. Look into the Access to Learning Fund. Your local college may have info online or in its student services team for students with children. Consider who will be with the child when you're attending classes - maybe daytime classes would be easier if you're considering paid childcare (as opposed to family/partner). Good luck!

jorahmormont Sat 27-Jun-15 17:29:33

You can totally do it. You sound like you've overcome so much already - I've just done the whole studying with a baby thing and come out with a First, it's totally doable if you've got the motivation, and it definitely sounds like you've got it.

I'd wait until your baby is a wee bit older - just a few months, it doesn't have to be years. I was lucky enough that I had DD just before the end of term, did the last couple of weeks with a newborn (it was a nightmare and wouldn't recommend) and then she was 4 months when the term started again and I carried on.

Lots of colleges (and later, when you get there, most unis) have on-campus nurseries, and there's lots of financial help available. Ours took DD from 4 months, she's 14 months now and leaves for the summer on Tuesday and she has just loved it! So childcare is doable, I'd really recommend doing daytime courses if you can as night times could be rough with bedtimes and waking in the night etc.

You'll encounter judgement; 19 isn't even technically a 'teenage mum' but I was just turned 19 when I got pregnant and there is so much judgement. You really get a thicker skin through it, but never feel the need to justify it by saying 'Oh but I'm doing this course/that course' - all you'll do is stress yourself out. Be proud of what you're doing, if it's right for you and your family-to-be, that's all that matters smile

When you're finding a course/college, be upfront and open about the fact that you're pregnant/have a child. You need supportive teachers, they're an absolute godsend.

Best of luck and if there's any other advice you need, just ask smile

mummyneedinganswers Sat 27-Jun-15 17:30:49

Thank you bittapitta I never thought of the tiredness but I know my MIL would take our baby for the 2 hours I'd be at class but I hadn't actually thought of the practicality of it. Thank you I will have a look at accessto learning ffund. I just really want to create a life for us and my partner is very supportive and as he's 5 years older than me he understand my need to make alife for us . hhe's truely fantastic and supportive as he knows its something I have been considering for a while xx

mummyneedinganswers Sat 27-Jun-15 17:36:42

Thank you so much jorahmormont its good to know its is doable. If I could turn back time I would never have left school but no point dwelling now just need to do something about it now. I think yous are right I might consider courses that start September 2016 instead of this year as baby will be 10 months then and should be more manageable, I find it very shocking people keep saying to me oh your so young and would have had lots to see and do before you have a child but I think people forget the life I've lived and the experiences I've had are more than enough for me and I've over come them as you have said and I'm just glad to be here and now as to be fair if I hadn't have changed I can't say I would have been here as I was in total self destruct mode. So now me wanting to go back to education is a massive step for me but totally want to do it thank you xx

AmyLouKin Sat 27-Jun-15 17:41:12

Hi, I am much older than you but have recently gone back to college to study hairdressing. I am going to do the level 3 course next year but have just found out I'm pregnant. I am hoping to manage, as I will (all being well) give birth in February, so will have to finish with a little one! However, as long as I cram loads of exams and assessments in the first few months I am hoping to finish! I am certainly determined and I know others have done the same thing in different classes, this year. If they can do it, we can do it! Good luck mummyneedinganswers, you sound like a strong, intelligent, determined young woman, who is going to make a fantastic mummy! ��

RedandYellow24 Sat 27-Jun-15 17:42:15

Sounds a good plan I would check how much studying is involved per subject abd that they are courses not just resists. i would expect to be doing least extra 2-4h work per subject per week plus of course homework. With so many courses if you have a bad week with the baby it's a lot to catch up on.

Could you do 2 courses this year then 2 again? That way it's not to much pressure you have time to adjust to the baby.

Rosenwyn1985 Sat 27-Jun-15 17:46:12

I am currently pregnant with my second child and although older (30) I'm studying part time and have been for about 6 years. I started at night school and then moved into a degree with the open university which I'm 5 years into of 6. The biggest thing I would say is make sure you have plenty of support. Part time study is hard, very hard! Saying that it's also fantastically rewarding and I love it. As long as you know you have the support you'll do fine. Good luck!

jorahmormont Sat 27-Jun-15 19:05:00

Ahh the people saying "oh but all the things you could have done"... I've had more adventures since having DD than I'd had in the 18 years before I had her.

ARV1981 Sun 28-Jun-15 08:25:13

I'm 34 and pregnant with my first. Often I find myself wishing I'd done this at least ten years ago! So don't listen to what people say about your age. It's obviously the right time for you and your partner, so who cares what anyone else thinks. That said, I think you'll make a great mum from what you've said in your posts.

As for studying... I'm doing a professional diploma at the moment (started it just after we started trying for a baby - I thought as my sister needed fertility treatment to have a baby I would too so was surprised that it happened naturally for me within just 5 months of trying) and it is hard fitting it all in (with work) being pregnant (tired all the time). Fortunately I should be just finished when baby arrives so unless the little darling is very early I should have got all the work done and just be awaiting the final grade.

However, for you... I think you should go for it! Nothing shows a child how important work and education are than watching their mummy and daddy knuckling down and doing it. I read a study the other week which basically said that daughters from working mums end up getting better jobs (I'll try and find it for you), which made me rethink a little about when I'll be going back to work after this baby comes (no idea if it's a boy or girl) as I want to do everything possible to make sure my child has a good life, and though it's not the be-all and end-all having a good job does contribute to an adult's happiness. If me working contributes to that then, it's a small sacrifice to make.

I can't offer any practical tips on childcare etc as I'm pregnant with my first and have no experience, but it definitely is doable.

Good luck with your studies! I'm sure you'll make a fantastic lawyer and a fantastic mum. Who says we can't have it all, eh?

ARV1981 Sun 28-Jun-15 08:28:15

Here's a write up of the report I was referring to: and here:

ARV1981 Sun 28-Jun-15 08:29:15

Sorry it didn't make links... not sure how to do that on this device. Copying and pasting should get you there though grin

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