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DH sympathy dwindling

(21 Posts)
LoveLetters Mon 22-Jun-15 18:01:42

I'm 9 weeks. Had HG for the last 3 weeks and it's taking its toll. Dh saying other women have this and get on fine. He doesn't understand that at this point I am so drained emotionally and physically just putting one foot in front of the other takes everything I have. We also have 2 kids who are 4 & 2. How do you get someone to understand how horrendous this really is. I'm exhausted

fanjodisfunction Mon 22-Jun-15 18:05:15

I was sick on my dh, seamed to make him realise how sick I felt and was. I don't have hg though, just feel sick all the time and tired. I also have fallen asleep alot on the sofa once DS is asleep, usually half way through a movie.

dh has said in the past that sickness is all in the head, I've tired to talk to him about it, but I find actions are better.

weelamb123 Mon 22-Jun-15 18:08:54

God he sounds like a charmer! I was worried my dh would lose patience with me too bit I'm 36 weeks & can honestly say he has never complained once. I literally cant do anything and he has been left to cut the grass, sweep up, hoover, iron, pick up shopping and run me to work and back. Xx

weelamb123 Mon 22-Jun-15 18:09:56

Ps HG for 3 months too and couldn't cook him a decent meal......

LoveLetters Mon 22-Jun-15 18:14:50

Yeah I can't cook and I think he expects me to have got over it by now. Has also mentioned it's all in the head before and to stop fighting it. Fighting it?? I have no control over it. I have pretty much 0 tolerance with these comments and things just escalate into an argument.

bluewisteria Mon 22-Jun-15 18:24:00

I would ask the midwife to have a word with him and explain how real it is flowers. Not that you should have to but I imagine she will give him a real bollocking, frankly I think he needs it.

KateRaeganandMichael Mon 22-Jun-15 18:24:24

Other women do have this and don't get on fine! - I'm 25 weeks and hg free now (touch wood) but I was up on a drip 2 times in the early stages! I apparently get hg every pregnancy (this is my 5th pregnancy) and can guarantee it has been no easy ride. My dh has been so good because he realised (after i got hospitalised) that morning sickness is one thing - hg is an ILLNESS. I'm so cross for you. Have you had it in your previous pregnancies - have you asked for medications (not because of him but to help with the exhaustion?)

Newtobecomingamum Mon 22-Jun-15 18:27:41

Oh Loveletters... That's not good! This is the time when you need him the most! It's hard enough getting through the day with HG and children as it is and his comments are really out of order. When the children are in bed could you have a proper sit down with him and explain that it is a serious medical condition and how upset he has made you feel!

I really feel for you... I don't know how the hell id cope without my hubby not doing near on everything for me.

Try to give him a serious wake up call about how serious it is and explain that you need his support more than ever. flowers

Bair Mon 22-Jun-15 18:27:53

I'm 30 weeks. Last week I was sick on the living room carpet and my poor DH's leg as he tried to help me by giving my something to be sick into.

I'm on anti sickness meds. HG is a fucker. DH has had to take on a lot more than his fair share with childcare and housework. I am no delicate flower usually either.

If he can't see by looking at you just how bad it is there's not much you can do. Does his disbelieve you about other things? Belittle your feelings about other things? Will he tell you labour pain is all in your head? That other women manage fine?

SweetAndFullOfGrace Mon 22-Jun-15 18:32:09

Tell him pregnancy is a test of a father-to-be's suitability for the role. If he can't deal with you off having HG now he has no hope of handling a newborn.

And then tell him "It's not about you, it's about me ie the one making the new person. Life as you knew it is over, deal with it".

batfish Mon 22-Jun-15 18:32:33

Not sure how you make him realise but he is being very unfair - I am lucky that I haven't had any sickness but I do know that HG and morning sickness are very different - and many people don't even cope well with normal morning sickness as that can be debilitating enough. Surely he should know you well enough to know you are not just being pathetic and you genuinely do feel like crap. Doesn't he remember Kate Middleton being hospitalised with HG?

bluewisteria Mon 22-Jun-15 18:33:48

Show him this thread? Ask him to post personally on MN about hyperemesis? He should be asking what he can do to help.

KatyN Mon 22-Jun-15 20:39:44

Is he the kind of chap who needs the science explaining?? I think morning sickness and hg are caused by the mother's body producing all the hormones to make the baby. Our bodies are not used to these hormones esp not in this quantity. It normally ends when the placenta starts producing the hormones. Then the mother's body can be normal (ish) for a bit?
I think it was a wake up for my family when I got signed off work for a fortnight (which got extended to 5 weeks).
I think it's hard if this isn't your first pregnancy and you are really I'll. I was nowhere near this bad first time round. Whether this means I'm carrying a girl or just bad luck I don't know but if one more person asks it I was like this first time round I'll explode. Maybe your dh is also struggling with that??
Hope he gets the message though!!!

Candlefairy101 Mon 22-Jun-15 20:56:10

I took for me to be locked up for four weeks in a mother and baby unit before my husband realised how ill I was! To this day I still thinks I just went there to eat and sleep while he had our boy angry my husband is the most unsympathetic person but god forbid he gets back ache confused oh and to top it off I've just found out I'm pregnant againblush I'm so scared I'm going to get HG, sorry for rant can you tell I'm hormonal hahahah x

reallywittyname Mon 22-Jun-15 20:58:41

If anyone had said "it's all in your head" to me I would have made sure it was all over their shoes.

What an idiot. He needs a wake up call.

Skiptonlass Mon 22-Jun-15 21:13:21

He can't cope with three weeks of sickness? Hang on, let me see if I've got a spare grip he can borrow....

Severe sickness is miserable. Truly, truly miserable. He needs to bloody well step up and support you.

I'm no wimp, but sickness just floored me. Dh (once he realised how bad I was) was a great help - took the bins out twice daily, did all the cooking, provided buckets galore and held my hair back. Dragged me to the docs etc. absolute star, he was.

Please show your Dh this thread, and/or the hyperemesis threads. Hg is no joke - he needs a wake up call on just how grim it is. And that yes, he needs to step up to it. If he can't cope with that he sounds very selfish and unable to deal with not being the centre of attention. Poor show, sir!

Please take care of yourself - try as hard as you can to stay hydrated and see a doctor if you need to. I ended up on anti emetics after I'd got so bad I had to be rehydrated in hospital.

LoveLetters Tue 23-Jun-15 11:25:00

Had a great chat with dh which he initiated. He admitted that he had been really upset seeing me unwell for so long and it was really effecting him so he had been a bit of an idiot. Gave me a big hug and reassured me he was going to help. He's been great ever since. Sat on sofa with my feet up smile

caffiene99 Tue 23-Jun-15 11:27:43

I had HG in my first pregnancy and was off work for a month. I continued to be sick every day up until the end of the pregnancy.

My husband was supportive at first but I definitely felt like he lost patience and sympathy as time went on.

My mother had suffered from HG in both pregnancies so was very supportive. I found that other people didn't really understand as they always just thought of it as 'normal' mornkng sickness. It's really not.

I know this probably doesn't help much but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Maybe showing your husband this thread might help him realise that what you're going through really isn't 'normal'.

GetTheCarPenfold Tue 23-Jun-15 11:44:26

My friend explained it as having the worst ever hangover, 24/7 for months on end.

Hangovers involve dehydration and sickness and some men can relate to that, her husband could. He'd only ever had a couple of really bad hangovers but the thought of being in that state 24/7 for months certainly made him realise why he needed to be sympathetic and do more at home until it passed. Unfortunately for her it lasted until she gave birth although it did improve slightly with anti sickness meds finally obtained.

This might hep her dh understand how she is feeling.

Skiptonlass Tue 23-Jun-15 13:32:46

Good ! Glad he's come round. If he wants to feel useful give him a task list. Bins out daily, bring you water all the time,ale sure nothing smells in the house or kitchen etc. it does help

AmberLav Tue 23-Jun-15 14:05:01

Thankfully my DH gets it (though I think he will be incredibly grateful when I'm over it!!!!)

We also have a 4 and a 2 year old, so on nursery days he gets the 2 year old dressed while I shower and have a quick post shower lie-down, he tries to persuade the 4 year old to get dressed, but I take over that if he can't and then I take then down for a pre-nursery banana. DH then brushes their teeth, we both get their coats on etc, DH takes then to nursery, while I go back to bed for 90 minutes, before going into work late...

I do the pick-up, and start the bath/bed routine, DH gets home to help with the remainder, then he cooks tea, brings me the pudding I need to stop me throwing up dinner, then washes up afterwards...

Weekends are obviously different, but he tries to give me some quiet time for a morning nap by getting the kids out of the house (cannot sleep with both kids here as it quickly turns to WW101

I don't have HG, just mainly constant bad nausea, with a few vomiting episodes thrown in here and there... So your DH needs to stop grumbling and accept that fact that you are growing your third child, which is a full time job, on top of everything you have to do!

Good luck!

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