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A Wedding One

(13 Posts)
cremedecacao Sat 20-Jun-15 15:11:39

Got my bfp a few days ago- hurrah!

One thing though... I am BM at my friends wedding next August. DH is an usher. Baby (if all goes to plan, obviously) will be 6 months.

They are planning on bms staying with bride the night before and everyone staying the night of the wedding too. This just won't be possible with a 6mo will it? They don't want babies in the ceremony at all so presumably they would expect a stranger to be with the baby during the ceremony, as both DH and I will be involved.

I don't think asking one of our parents to babysit will work for all day and all night, nor will expecting a small baby to cope with that long a period of time.

Does anyone have any suggestions? What is the usual thing to do when you are a bm with a small baby?

I am fully aware I am rushing ahead here of course, but my friend likes to be organised very well in advance! This is not fitting in with her plan!

applecore0317 Sat 20-Jun-15 15:30:21

I'm maid of honour in July for my best friends wedding, we're staying the night before and the night of the wedding and my little girl will be six weeks old. I'm breast feeding so wouldn't not be able to take her.

In our case my best friend is fine with it and I have told my husband to sit at the back during the ceremony so that he can whip her out of the room if she cries. I will have some expressed milk on the day to help a bit when pictures are being done and during the meal when I am on the top table.

With yours being six months old by then you may be able to leave the baby for a night, but honestly do whatever you feel comfortable with. It's difficult to plan ahead when you don't know how you will feel at the time. My friend has just had her first night away and her baby was five months.

You're friend will need to accept that you can't always plan that far in advance with a baby and you will need to see what happens.

applecore0317 Sat 20-Jun-15 15:30:49

Sorry, mean your friend not you're...

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sat 20-Jun-15 15:33:59

No reason why you cant stay over the night before if you want to - baby may well be sleeping through by then/dad could do night feeds if you express or are using formula. However you dont have to stay over the night before.

Wrt to the Ceremony - could your folks take the baby on the morning of the wedding, freeing up you and DH to get ready/prep etc. They could then bring the baby to you once the photos have been done? Baby could then be with you all day pretty much til you go to bed.

rallytog1 Sat 20-Jun-15 15:41:15

Have you told your friend? We were broadly planning for no children at our wedding but would have always made exceptions for anyone like you. If she's a good friend, she should do the same. The good thing is that there's a long time between now and then for you and her to work out the best thing to do.

cremedecacao Sat 20-Jun-15 15:51:30

It would all be MUCH easier if DH was not also involved in the wedding!

It's a little too far for parents to drive the baby up. I think DH is meant to be with the ushers the night before too, so I think I'll have to be at home.

I guess my mum could look after the baby during the day if I joined the girls in the morning, then we would just have to go home earlier than we would otherwise, and definitely not stay overnight at the wedding venue as previously planned.

I guess it is one of those things we can't really plan for that much!!

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sat 20-Jun-15 16:10:09

Could you and DH book a room with the baby the night before and each spend half the evening with your respective groups?

Tbh id stay overnight the night of the wedding too, babies are pretty portable at that age.

formerlyofLadysmith Sat 20-Jun-15 17:51:06

If you've got a room at the wedding venue that bit is easy at least, just take a baby monitor.

Nottalotta Sat 20-Jun-15 18:43:37

I am not a BM but have been invited to a good friends wedding when my baby will be 4 months old. There are plenty not invited so its nice that we've been invited for the full day, BUT its a 2 hrs drive away. In December. We can't stay over (its incredibly expensive) and so i really don't know what to do. She has a no children wedding but has made exceptions for me and another friend, both due around the same time.

poocatcherchampion Sat 20-Jun-15 18:47:24

I'd take my baby for the whole thing. If that meant the bride didn't want me to be a bridesmaid I'd be fine with it.

Thurlow Sat 20-Jun-15 18:49:48

Have you asked her what she might suggest as well?

I'd be honest. Say you know you won't have any family you can leave a tiny baby with for the two/three days you need to be at the wedding. Say you appreciate that she wants a childfree wedding and that's fine, you're not saying you're going to rock up with your baby. But the reality is, either you or your DH needs to with the baby at all times.

Practically, the only thing I can think of is that you all go and you and your DH take turns being away from the wedding with the baby.

Thegreatunslept Sat 20-Jun-15 18:52:35

I got married in May my dsis was bridesmaid her dd was 9 weeks old. My dsis stayed with me in the hotel the night b4 no problem. My dniece was at my wedding until around 5pm (brought by her father then collected by in laws) and my dsis and dbil didn't leave my wedding until 2-3am when they went home as my dniece was staying over at the in laws house.
A baby can be left for any amount of time you feel comfortable for. If you really want to be bridesmaid you will find a way to make it work for you your baby and the bride.
I think once you announce your pregnancy ur friend will understand if things need to be a bit different for u on her wedding day x

cremedecacao Sun 21-Jun-15 10:34:29

Thanks everyone, some good ideas. I'll find out what the accommodation is like, it may be easier for us to stay there so we can go to bed with the baby when we need to. Just need to find a way to get the baby there- as DH and I will both be expected to go in wedding cars! Hopefully DH can just take his car instead with the baby too.

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