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Abortion help

(11 Posts)
DJBH123 Sat 20-Jun-15 11:46:22

Hi there
I am new to mumsnet, but am in a real desperate situation. I am 10 weeks pregnant. We planned for a baby and I was really happy when I found out.
However, I have had deep anxiety issues for most of my life and I am not coping. I have had to reduce my medication but feel like I am getting somewhere with treating my anxiety, and having a baby now will distract me from dealing with something that has had a severe impact on my life.
My anxiety always manifests in relationships, and even though married, my main fear is that my relationship will not work out and having a baby puts extra pressure on it having to. Part of my treatment is to not feel scared of my marriage not working, having a baby fills me with fear that I won't be able to be true to myself.
I have told my husband and he is beyond devastated and says that he is not sure if he can support my decision. He isn't the most empathetic of men and i worry that he can't think of me and how much i am hurting, because of how he feels.
I am destroying him and now all i can think of is him and his needs, whilst being an anxious mess about my own condition. If I go through with it I am going to resent him for not giving me the choice. If i don't, we might not recover. Does that mean we aren't right for each other anyway.
What a mess.

AbbeyRoadCrossing Sat 20-Jun-15 11:53:43

Hi, just a suggestion but it might be better to ask for this to be moved to the pregnancy choices section. You'll probably get some helpful replies on there.

Testingthename Sat 20-Jun-15 11:59:26

I think the most important thing you can do is speak to a doctor urgently op your anxiety might be making you come to conclusions you wouldn't normally please also speak to your midwife

Skiptonlass Sat 20-Jun-15 12:45:27

Firstly, let me just say that I'm very much pro choice. Not anti abortion at all.

But... Here I think you need to not do anything hasty. Please don't terminate a much wanted pregnancy because of anxiety. I'd make an urgent appointment to see your midwife or GP - they need to refer you urgently for support. There was another thread on here recently where a poster was in a very similar situation. She was severely ill with anxiety but was able to access support and the last I read she was actually coping quite well.

There is support available, and there is good treatment for anxiety. Please explore that, and take the support of your husband, before considering termination.

Skiptonlass Sat 20-Jun-15 12:46:57

Here's the thread. This lady was suffering from severe anxiety, again with a much wanted pregnancy. It's long, but worth a read.

Newtobecomingamum Sat 20-Jun-15 13:02:47

I am so sorry to hear about how you are feeling... But what instantly jumps out at me is that this baby was planned and at the start you were happy.... It's your illness that is making you feel this way...

Having a baby is the most truly wonderful experience and it sounds like you are in a tight relationship with your husband (which is an amazing start for having a little baby and family).

By having a termination, you won't ever be able to forget it. Especially when the baby was planned and conceived out of love and bought happiness at the start. It is your illness making you feel this way.

Please see you GP and MW who will be able to get you the right help and support. flowers

Hippymama1 Sat 20-Jun-15 14:12:46

DJBH123 please do check out the thread posted by Skiptonlass above as there is some information in there that you will hopefully find really helpful as well as other women in similar circumstances to you sharing their stories - always helpful to know that you are not the only one!

FWIW, my story is on the other thread but in brief, I have also suffered with anxiety and OCD all my life and when I first got pregnant, it went off the scale. I got help in time via my GP, local IAPT service and Perinatal Mental Health team via my midwife at the hospital and now I am 38 + 1, have been mentally very well now for most of my pregnancy and am very, very excited to welcome my baby any day. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

This is your illness speaking, not you. A hasty decision now could cost you dearly in terms of your long term mental health and relationship - please try to access help before making a decision about the future of your pregnancy.


LoveLetters Sat 20-Jun-15 14:29:43

Everybody has these questions when they first get pregnant. Will I be a good mum? Will I cope? How will our relationship far in it all? All this is natural!! So please don't beatyourself up about worrying. If anything it shows you care so much and you would do your upmost best.

Cherryblossomsinspring Sat 20-Jun-15 16:28:11

I think this is beyond the scope of mumsnet as you need professional help. It is your anxiety causing this problem not the pregnancy so you need help with that. It's important to get help ASAP as there is a baby and your DH deeply affected by this too.

Letmeeatcakecakecake Sat 20-Jun-15 16:28:24

Please please get yourself some urgent counselling before making any final decisions. I imagine that Marie stopes would have an advice line.

Everyone worries, and I imagine your anxieties are so much worse due to your medication!

Pleas have this moved to the pregnancy choices page as there are some wonderful women on there who can advise you.

Best of luck if whatever you decide op flowers

sianihedgehog Sun 21-Jun-15 07:23:07

OP, I suffer from anxiety and pregnancy hormones have made it SO MUCH worse. Please see your doctor or midwife ASAP, it's quite common to experience a change in your anxiety level due to the hormonal changes, and there are many many types of help they can offer you. I've started a course of CBT to help with mine, but there are also medications you can safely take in pregnancy, and other sorts of help available. I've never had an abortion , but I have had a miscarriage, and that made my hormones even worse, to the point that my mental health was at an all time low for several weeks, so I'm not sure that abortion would offer you the fast relief from your anxiety that you hope.

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