My mum is 45 and wants another DC. What are the risks at her age?

[Cirithelioness]

I was chatting to my mum yesterday and she mentioned that she wants to have another child. I was a bit surprised and asked her what the reason was. Apparently she just really wants another, and she is worried about me being alone in the future and having to take care of my parents alone (I'm currently an only child). I would definitely like to have a DB or DSis though I am wondering how risky it would be for my mum to get pregnant at her age. She is quite healthy, doesn't smoke or drink, eats well and is active. Are there any older mums who could share their experiences of pregnancy after 40? Did you find it much harder than a younger mum would?

[pinkchampagne1]

The chances of getting pregnant and staying pregnant past 45 are quite slim but there may be people on here who have had children around this age. The miscarriage rate is around 50 50 past 42 I think and there is more chance of problems like high blood pressure etc during pregnancy.

I have no experience of pregnancy mid forties myself though. Hoped for a baby with my new husband so ditched contraception at age 40, having fallen pregnant very easily in the past, and over 2 years later it still hasn't happened so I think my eggs are past their sell by! Hopefully someone with more experience will be along soon.

[onefootinthebed]

I have no experience or advice to offer but you sound like a lovely caring daughter.

[RockerMummy184]

Hi Ciri, I have no first hand experience but my mum was in her early 40s when she has my youngest sister. She remarried and decided to have a family with her new husband who had no children. I now have 2 little sisters who are 18 and 21 years younger than me and it is wonderful! :) How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

I believe, as pp said, that there is a greater risk of mc in older mums, and there is a dramatically higher risk of downs syndrome and other genetic abnormalities, however there are plenty of tests that can be done to spot these before the baby is born.

I don't think my mum has found being a parent more difficult with 'Team B' as she calls them. In fact I think it's probably been easier in terms of having more experience, maturity and financial stability than when she had me at 18. (She's also got myself and my brother to look after them of she's ever stuck for an emergency babysitter!)

Wishing your mum lots of luck. x

[Iggi999]

Pinkchampagne, at 42 and even after multiple miscarriages my risk of mc didn't go up to 50%. That's just not true!

[jimijack]

I was 43, it was fine.
I struggled with more aches & pains. Pelvic and back pain, I was exhausted.
But mostly I was a complete nervous wreck.

I had an amnio, the stress, distress and sheer terror of "what if...." I can't begin to express or explain. There are SO many things that can potentially go terribly wrong.

I was so so lucky & it was ok, I look at my little one and cannot believe how lucky we are to have him healthy & happy.

[sleepyhead]

There are population statistics, but ultimately each woman will have her own risk factors and experience.

As far as pregnancy goes, as long as she is in reasonable health, no underlying conditions, there's no reason that the pregnancy should be detrimental to her own health.

The stats on miscarriage, genetic abnormalities and still birth are also well known, but these are elevated risks and by no means inevitable. The Down Syndrome age-related risk for 45, for example, is 1:50 so a 98% chance that the pregnancy would not be affected.

I know quite a few older mums (ds2 was born when I was 40, and two of his friends have mothers who were 41 and 43 when they were born) and we all agree that we don't find having a baby & toddler in our 40s all that hard, although we don't have much older children to compare it to.

She may struggle to get pregnant, or maintain a pregnancy due to her age, but there's nothing more certain that if she doesn't try then there will certainly be no baby. As long as she's ok about the risks then I'd go for it if I were her.

[Cirithelioness]

Rocker I'm 20. I've been wondering what it would be like to have a sibling who is much younger than you. I would love to have one. Don't want to get too excited just yet though. My mum needs to conceive first and then get through the pregnancy safely. She doesn't go online but I think she would enjoy MN very much. I will have to introduce her to it I think.

[bakingtins]

www.socalfertility.com/age-and-fertility/
www.advancedfertility.com/age-miscarriage.htm

It's very unlikely she'll be able to get and stay pregnant at 45 with her own eggs. Is she prepared for heartache if she is not successful? She needs to be realistic about how slim her chances are. The celebs cheerfully popping them out at 45,50,60 have all had donor egg IVF and you never hear about the number of unsuccessful rounds or the £££££ it took to get to the glossy Hello shoot.

[Northernlurker]

I'm sure you've asked this out of loving concern but I think you need to remember that this is your mum's decision. She's 45, she can work things out for herself. You don't need to be advising on her the 'risks'.

[morage]

Yes it is up to her. But the risks are getting and staying pregnant. Many older mums have IVF, getting and staying pregnant naturally gets harder as you age. Also increased risk of disability. And an increased risk of dying before your child grows up. Most 45 year olds are healthy, it is in your 50's that more people develop health problems.
But ultimately, it is up to her whether she wants to try this.

[DayLillie]

I know one person who had a child at 45, after several miscarriages, and another who had one at 46 after several years wait.

[Singersewing]

The women who get pregnant at that age are outliers. You and your mum need to be realistic about the fact that your mum is very unlikely to get pregnant and is at very real risk of having a child with some sort of disability if she does. Is she prepared to look after a child with special needs? Are you prepared to take over the care and responsibility once your mum passes? You need to consider this ( I say this as an older mum myself).

[pinkchampagne1]

It is just something I read somewhere, Iggi. It depressed me as I am 42 now so I hope you are right and it isn't true.

[Iggi999]

Pink, I'm sure it does go up more by 45, but I certainly had a baby at 42 and was not "unusual" in my NHS hospital at all - a midwife laughed when I said at booking in about being the oldest she'd see - apparently not! Not to say it's not a harder road, but as you are still early 40s I don't think you need to give up just yet

[Iggi999]

My hospital told me at 42 (and with several mcs) I was still more likely to have a successful pg than not, they had stats but I don't remember them. Don't know about at 45 though.

[morage]

According to this, the miscarriage rate at 44 to 46 years of age is over 60%. But it includes very early miscarriage. It says under the age of the 30, the rate is about 8%.

www.advancedfertility.com/age-miscarriage.htm

[morage]

" By the time you reach 45, your chance of a healthy pregnancy using your own eggs is one percent."

www.healthline.com/health/menopause/pregnancy

So certainly possible, and some women do have babies at age 45. But most won't.

[morage]

pinkchampagne - And there seems to be a big difference between having babies at age 42, and age 45, in terms of your chance of having a healthy pregnancy.

[BlueBee]

Something to think about I suppose is not necessarily the having a baby part but later on in life.

My mum had me at 46, dad was 49. Im now 35 and sadly both my parents have now passed away. I feel too young to have had lost both parents to be honest, I'm currently pregnant with my first baby and wish they were here to meet them. They were amazing parents though, I just miss them dearly.

Sorry, bit doom and gloom there.

[Sheepoverthemoon]

Hi, if it helps my mil was 42, 28 years ago when she had my dh, she turns 70 soon. His brother is 7 years older & his brother is 7 years older than him. my sil also had her 2nd son at 42. Both had one miscarriage each, but act when they both was under 40. my dh likes having older siblings & mil felt calmer & more prepared with him than the others.

[ScorpioMermaid]

One of my aunts is about the same age as your mum and has a 25 year old DS, a 15 year old DS and a 5 year old DD. they all get on so well, the 25 y.o especially adores his little sister. she said she would like another too.

[morage]

This depends on your attitude to risk. Being older means you have less chance of carrying a pregnancy to full term, more chance of having a disabled child, and more chance of dying or being seriously ill before that child has grown up.
Some are happy to take those risks, and for some it pays of. I wouldn't take those risks, but it is an individual decision.