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Upset, angry and worried

(16 Posts)
DandelionWishes88 Thu 18-Jun-15 20:27:57

Yesterday I went for my 20 week anomaly scan. I felt nervous, sick and worried but a little excited about finding out the sex if possible. Went in and the girl was terrible she looked like a student /12 year old asked me to lift up my top. Then put on the jelly and she didn't talk for like 5 mins felt like forever. She didnt say if the baby was alright or if she was seeing what she needed. Only proceeded to tell me about 5 times because of high bmi pictures wasnt good and she couldnt get measurements. This I knew felt like she was just saying your too fat cant see over and over again. She dug in the thingy to my tummy it really hurt was holding back tears because I wanted to get the info I needed. Then she turned on the screen showed me and DH a foot and head that was it. DH asked about the sex she said she thought she had an idea but didn't want to say and to come back for the measurements coz she couldn't see (again because of high bmi) then she said I'll print pics whilst I used the loo. And to meet at the desk for appointment next time.
she didn't say if my baby was alright or hear the heart beat or if anything I came out in tears and thinking my baby wasnt alright.
Wasn't til I got home I seen she had put scan report in notes and she did measure some things needed.
I feel upset and angry I was told nothing I'm a first timer and didn't know what to expect. Feeling worried about the rescan now.

momtothree Thu 18-Jun-15 20:30:48

I had lots of scans ... they are quiet while measuring. May ring for some reassurance?

Whatabout Thu 18-Jun-15 20:36:55

Sounds like poor bed side manner and that she didn't set out what would happen. Normally they explain that they will be quiet during the scan as they are concentrating. Unfortunately the scans can be uncomfortable and she should have explained why she was pushing so hard and made sure you were ok. The twenty week scan is not a sexing scan so she would not have been looking at that area when you were uncomfortable and she was trying to complete your scan. I'm sorry you had a bad experience, do you think she was explaining that your high bmi was the reason for the suboptimal scan to try and reassure you but got it a bit wrong? I'm sure everything is fine and they will be able to complete the scan. Perhaps book a private sexing scan so you can find out and see more of baby?

Newtobecomingamum Thu 18-Jun-15 20:40:18

Hi,

If they thought something was wrong I'm sure that they would have said something there and then. When I had a previous scan and the lady thought there was an issue she immediately went and got a senior and double checked. All was ok. I very much doubt they would just leave you and not say anything.

Sounds to me like the girl/lady was inexperienced and genuinely couldn't get the measurements. Actually its lucky she (if she isn't very good!) didn't tell you the sex as she may have got it wrong!

I wouldn't worry too much and wait for a rescan and fingers crossed you get someone else! If you do get her again and she is useless etc say you are not happy and demand to see someone else or make a complaint.

Best of luck flowers

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom Thu 18-Jun-15 21:03:44

It sounds like poor bedside manner, but they are generally very quiet whilst concentrating.

Maybe she skipped the chatty bit because you are going back? Not saying she should have though.

Fugghetaboutit Thu 18-Jun-15 21:17:08

They are very quiet at 20 week scan. They need to concentrate on your baby. When I had mine they had a student do it first then proper dr after.
They pushed down v hard on me too and I'm skinny so don't take it personally. Rubbish she didn't tell you sex but if she wasn't sure best not to

DandelionWishes88 Thu 18-Jun-15 21:20:15

Thanks just feel upset about the care. Wasn't too bothered about the sex. Hopefully don't get her next time. Waiting to feel some kicks soon but seems I have a anterior placenta heard thats harder to feel kicks.
trying not to stress about next scan.

MissTwister Thu 18-Jun-15 22:19:05

I'm sorry you had such a rubbish experience. It's nerve wracking when you're waiting to hear everything is okay. Sounds to me like there's nothing actually wrong but she was just crap - it's unlikely you will get the same person next time so fingers crossed xx

moooolah Fri 19-Jun-15 07:15:08

Dandilion that sounds so rubbish! I'd have been upset too. I remember our 20w scan with dd she was fairly quiet but did talk us through it. Our 20w scan yesterday the lady was amazing. So chatty, really explained it all and got everything she needed. It made everything so reassuring. Although she did day baby had a fat tum shock lol

If I were you'd I'd book myself a private scan and enjoy seeing your baby again. The experience will be entirely different from the pressured nhs environment and you'll probably get to know what baby is too if that's what you want. Best of luck. X

Timeforachangetoday Fri 19-Jun-15 10:02:23

The woman who did my 20 weeks scan with DC1 was a complete bitch, accusing me of not drinking anything before the appointment whilst prodding my full bladder and just being generally unpleasant. She did tell me the sex but she was so horrible I really didn't trust her to be telling the truth.
I went for a private scan afterwards and it was money well spent, a lovely experience and had the sex confirmed.

With DC2 he sonographer told us, 'I need to concentrate on the scan, so I'll probably go quiet for a few minutes, this doesn't mean there's anything wrong', which I definitely appreciated as he went quiet and looked incredibly serious for ages.

MissTwister Fri 19-Jun-15 10:22:22

Oh god I remember the fear at my 20 week when she said she was going to look at the heart and went very quiet and serious looking for what seemed like forever....everything was fine!

lexyloub Fri 19-Jun-15 10:38:46

My 20 wk scan was exactly the same. The point of the scan is to check for any problems which is why they're quiet and doing a lot of prodding and poking and making you lie certain way etc. I do think that they could develop a better bed side manner though and at the end say I've checked x y z what ive seen seems fine or not which ever the case maybe. To them your just another belly to scan but to us that's our baby and we're excited and nervous all at the same time. Hope your next scan is better for you.

scarednoob Fri 19-Jun-15 10:40:44

the chap who did my 12 and 20 weeks scans, and the lady who did my second 20 week scan (unco-operative baby!) were lovely and answered all our questions. I feel really sorry for you being denied that, as the 20 week scan is a very nerve racking thing.

completely second the private scan if you can afford it. this is not the time for you to be feeling upset, angry or worried sad

DandelionWishes88 Fri 19-Jun-15 18:54:21

Thanks everyone feeling a bit better today x

Runningupthathill82 Fri 19-Jun-15 19:16:25

Don't overthink it, Dandelion - they just have to be quiet while they concentrate. And as for hearing a heartbeat, I've never heard of this happening at a 20-week scan?

I had my anomaly scan twice as DS was in the wrong position, and we never listened for a heartbeat.

I also saw almost nothing at the first 20 week scan, because DS was in an odd position and wouldn't co-operate. That would have been nothing to do with BMI either.

So don't worry, and don't overthink it. Sounds like it was just a tricky scan for the sonographer to do, and she was concentrating.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos Fri 19-Jun-15 19:23:44

I have a previous, full-term loss and so had lots of extra scans each pregnancy. The better ones warned us when they were going to be silent and understood why we were twitchy. I had one experience which was so upsetting I had them put into my notes that I wasn't to be scanned by the sonographer again and I did complain. I am sure they have off days like everyone else, but it is easy to feel part of a process rather than an individual and they sometimes need a nudge to remember that.

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