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I need advice.

(32 Posts)
jurisane Tue 16-Jun-15 22:25:04

I haven't broken the news to people at work yet but I'm already 21 weeks and showing. I've been trying to wear lose clothes and jackets to hide the bump but I can't do that forever. The problem is there is another girl in my office who is really struggling to get pregnant and I don't want to upset her. I know how difficult it is after having my own miscarriage last year.

I was thinking of getting a cake that said something like "It's a Girl" and bringing it in for everyone but I'm worried that would be too much. I honestly don't have any idea how to break the news. Please HELP!

GlitteringJasper Tue 16-Jun-15 22:38:41

I think the cake is too much, personally.

Just tell your manager and the people closest to you at work and everyone else will find out in due course.

BrockAuLit Tue 16-Jun-15 22:42:37


jurisane Tue 16-Jun-15 22:46:51

Only issue is as soon as I tell one lady she will most likely make a big deal out of it on her own. I feel like I have to tell her because I work closely with her on a daily basis (hell she might have even guessed by now...) I personally don't like a lot of attention but I feel like keeping a secret is worse.

My manager and HR already know by the way.

ARV1981 Tue 16-Jun-15 22:54:26

I wouldn't do the cake. Just tell your line manager and team quietly and professionally.

It's not your fault or responsibility that your colleague is finding it difficult to conceive. I'm not saying don't be empathetic towards her, but really you being pregnant (though likely to cause her some mixed emotions) is not going to make any real difference to her disappointment.

I don't know how close you are to her, if you're close perhaps tell her quietly on her own so she doesn't have to take the news publicly, but if you're not close that may be awkward for you both.

I really think the cake would be a huge mistake and if I was her I'd maybe think you were rubbing my face in it a bit if you see what I mean...

Congratulations on your pregnancy! flowers

ARV1981 Tue 16-Jun-15 22:55:52

Sorry, cross posted. Obviously your manager knows!

jurisane Tue 16-Jun-15 22:59:30

Is an department email to impersonal?

53Dragon Tue 16-Jun-15 23:01:34

The cake would be an awful slap in the face for your colleague. Surely no one brings in cake to announce a pregnancy?
You need to be brave and say something discreetly to her... 'I feel rather awkward telling you this but I'm expecting a baby at Christmas'

ARV1981 Tue 16-Jun-15 23:05:45

I don't know... if you're a close team, then yes it probably is.

I just showed people the scan and didn't actually say "I'm pregnant" just "I have something to show you!"

MummyPiggy87 Tue 16-Jun-15 23:07:45

Agree with pp's cake is deffo no no.
I also struggled getting pregnant and when my friend (also work colleague) told me she was pregnant, although undoubtedly I was upset/jealous I was still very happy for her, no matter what you do she will always feel about gutted or jealous but there's not a lot you can do.

ARV1981 Tue 16-Jun-15 23:07:48

But with you colleague that is trying to conceive, I would just tell her quietly, just the two of you. She'll probably put on a brave face and congratulate you. Good luck!

AlpacaMyBags Tue 16-Jun-15 23:19:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatabout Tue 16-Jun-15 23:36:30

I'd just casually mention it to a few people and it'll slowly make its way round. Bringing in an "it's a girl" cake or a whole department email sounds the opposite of not wanting attention.

BowiesJumper Wed 17-Jun-15 00:10:48

Yes I just told my manager and then a couple of friends at work, and I'm letting everyone else work it out as we go along! I'm 20wks but not really showing so it's not too obvious.

lunar1 Wed 17-Jun-15 00:19:05

Oh god don't do the cake thing, just tell her.

Hophop987 Wed 17-Jun-15 00:30:04

I also just casually mentioned to couple people and by the end of the week the whole building knew.

jurisane Wed 17-Jun-15 00:30:35

Really the cake idea was before I found out about co-worker's struggles. If I didn't feel like I had to I wouldn't tell anyone. My mother and my sister have told more people than I have. But my due date will make lots of things more difficult for the people in my department and I don't want them to be in the dark for too long.

IfYouWereARiverIdLearnToFloat Wed 17-Jun-15 06:37:57

There are three of us in the office who were/are trying to get pregnant. I mc'd last year, another girl mc'd at the start of the year and the third is now in her second trimester. She made this big song and dance of getting someone else to tell us, wailing that she felt so bad for us when we weren't pregnant and she was & waiting til we were off to announce it by standing up, banging on the desk & telling everyone to sit down & be quiet as she had an announcement to make. They all thought it was ridiculous.

I'm now pregnant & aside from my manager - the other girl who mc'd & another two friends at work are the ones I've told. It helps we are close and while I've been sensitive - if she asks how I am or about baby I'll tell her honestly - she was one of the first to ask how my scan went yesterday and she talked about her scan experience when she was miscarrying.

I was genuinely happy for my colleague & would have made a big deal of things for her but being singled out like some fragile thing that everyone's tiptoeing around & talking about made me feel like crap. I've lost a lot of respect for her now.

Don't take in a cake & please don't send an email! Why not just start telling a few people and take it from there - it's that simple.

batfish Wed 17-Jun-15 11:52:46

I would just tell people as and when you speak to them - definitely not the cake if you don't want to make a fuss and are worried about upsetting people. I had to tell a good friend who has been trying for years to get pregnant about my pregnancy and I actually told her on an email and explained I was doing it so she could react in private - announcing very publicly in the office would be very hard for your colleague and you might find that she quickly disappears off to the toilet to compose herself. I would tell her on her own and if you are supposed to know about her situation (ie if it came from her rather than from someone else) then say you hope you haven't upset her with your news and wanted to find a sensitive way of telling her. I hate being centre of attention and therefore was never going to do a big announcement at work - I told the managers and then I told the colleagues I am closest to when we were having lunch - and everyone else has just figured it out as it has been mentioned occasionally. One person only found out last week (not very observant of my 24 week bump) and that was 10 weeks after I first told my boss!

OhEmGeee Wed 17-Jun-15 14:00:49

If you don't like attention and don't want to upset the other girl then don't do the cake.

In fact just don't do the cake full stop it's a terrible idea just tell people.

sizethree Wed 17-Jun-15 14:07:29

i FLIPPIN love cake, but definitely think this is one of the few occasiobs that cake is not appropriate. Also for someone who doesn't want to make a big fuss, that's a pretty confusing post.
Definitely email or take the girl aside (preferably email so if she's upset she doesn't need to put on a brave face and congratulate you) but I think you're maybe expecting a bit much, as although it's a huge thing in your life, generally people won't be terribly interested. So don't be disappointed if you Fung get the big reaction you're expecting.

Earthbound Wed 17-Jun-15 14:10:35

Your pregnancy is a big deal to you but it won't be to most people in your office. A big reveal cake is beyond twee. Please don't

I struggled to concieve and was open about it. I would have appreciated a heads up from a pregnant colleague but someone going on and on about how they didn't want to upset me and they were so sorry for me that I wasn't pregnant yet would have made me want to throw things.

Skiptonlass Wed 17-Jun-15 15:02:45

No cake, seriously.

Just mention it casually over office tea break/lunch /whatever and don't make a big deal of it. It's not your fault your colleague can't conceive, but neither should you make a big deal of it in the office. Keep it low key from your side. "Oh by the way I'm expecting in March, really looking forward to it." Then change the subject to something work related.

Make sure your line manager knows first and follow telling them up with an email where you copy HR in.

I have a couple of friends/colleagues who are struggling. I tried to let them know before it became public, again in a very low key way, and via email, not face to face. All have been happy for me and all have said they appreciated a quick heads up in a way they could process it first.

Congratulations, by the way.

PotteringAlong Wed 17-Jun-15 15:10:07

Even if there were no pregnany struggles there would be no need for the cake. It's work, it's a professional environment. Just tell whoever you want to and everyone else will find out. There's no need at all for a big reveal.

TinyMonkey Wed 17-Jun-15 15:49:12

Just wear a tighter top for a few days, they'll work it out.

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