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Right - want to move forward on pregnancy anxiety also want positive stories

(38 Posts)
Sleeplessinnorthlondon Tue 16-Jun-15 11:11:31

Ok - have accepted, with support from amazing MN, doctors and mental health team that have not harmed baby with early drinking. Now (this is just ridiculous but true) so worried have harmed him through anxiety and will continue to do so til can fix this. Steering clear of google now but in dark hrs found links to mental health issues, brain problems generally and even autism. Am really making progress but still having some very dark hours and super interested to hear stories from women who struggled with pregnanxy anxiety and came through the other side with little boys or girls who seem to be unaffected!!!! How did you manage? What did you do? Yours in hopeful anticipation!

pinkie87 Tue 16-Jun-15 11:14:23

I can't really help with the anxiety stories, but I just wanted to say that I had followed your thread anxiously without posting, and I'm really glad to see that you're in a better place now, and getting plenty of support. Long may it continue.

fanjodisfunction Tue 16-Jun-15 11:19:00

I had anxiety with my DS, I set my self goals, and actually having regular midwife checks and scans helped. so I had something to aim for.

I also set aside certain weeks for shopping for things, like 24 weeks was pram time. this really helped me.

CultureSucksDownWords Tue 16-Jun-15 11:19:51

Can you look at this as a transference of the anxiety, and to recognise it as not rational?

I don't know what the best approaches are to dealing with anxiety, sorry not to be more helpful. Do you have any usual methods that you've used before successfully?

Sansfards Tue 16-Jun-15 11:21:23

Also really relieved to hear you sounding better. I've suffered anxiety in the past and it's truly crippling but you can come out the other side. If I wobble back into it now it's never as intense. Not pregnancy related, though I'm sure I obsessed about specific things then but it's a good sign that I can't recall them off the top of my head, but I hope it helps you feel brighter

goldenhen Tue 16-Jun-15 11:24:00

My friend had the most outrageously stressful time in her personal life while she was pregnant, like if it had been an Eastenders plotline you'd have thought it a bit far-fetched, and on top of that also moved house three times. She has the happiest, most chilled out, brightest baby ever.

Grewupinafield Tue 16-Jun-15 11:33:06

Sleepless, i have posted on your other threads and I have been thinking of you often.

I am currently looking at my 9 month old playing on the floor with his brother. His pregnancy was unbelievably stressful. I went through so much stress and fear and anxiety. I was in a dark place often. But he happy, he is healthy and he is wonderful in every way.

I agree with a PP who mentioned getting extra appointments with the midwife. Given your circumstances I am sure they will agree to this.

Little steps, set yourself goals and celebrate when you reach them. You are doing so well, you will get through this and mumsnet will always be here. Feel free to pm me anytime

ShangriLaLaLa Tue 16-Jun-15 11:36:47

Hello Sleepless Looking back now, I had dreadful anxiety, possibly even ante natal depression. The latter was mentioned but sent me into an even worse spiral.

I had a horrible history of pregnancy loss and right up until going into labour, could not even countenance that we would have a baby. I'd anticipate that it would all fall apart and drank a little too much in early pregnancy, had to deal with a CVS, antibody and placental issues. It was a struggle. Months and months of struggle. I can't ever recall feeling so permanently anxious and down.

What kept me going was the support of my DH who never tired of going over the same old ground, my DD who was a little star and who chattered positively about her developing baby brother and particularly - posting here. I found a forum (antenatal tests and choices in my case) who gave me brilliant support at every step of the way.

Our mantra was 'one day at a time' and that was how we got through. The idea of months and months of anxiety stretching ahead is stressful in itself, so we ditched that and celebrated getting through each evening.

I hope that you are able to keep your anxiety levels manageable and if you can't, continuing on with professional help can do wonders. I've come to the realization that I am generally an anxious person and so whilst the pregnancy worries are long gone, I'm not totally sorted but my GP is wonderful.

And yes, DS was fine and is now my lovely, bouncing 5 year old, seemingly totally untouched by my state of mind during pregnancy. There is every likelihood that your story will be the same too. Wishing you well, until you meet them.

sianihedgehog Tue 16-Jun-15 11:55:56

Hi * Sleepless*, so glad to hear that you're feeling a bit better.
I've been suffering with dreadful anxiety throughout my pregnancy, but it seems to be going fine! I think the most important thing is to recognise that this fear is exactly like the one about drinking - just a symptom of anxiety and not a real risk. Raise it with your therapist ASAP, but keep away from Google . every one of the doctors, midwives, and therapists I have seen so far has started by assuring me that my anxiety will not harm my baby, and I am choosing to trust them.

anyothergirl Tue 16-Jun-15 12:21:34

I'm so glad you are in a better place now, i folowed your thread and I can completely relate to your anxiety. I suffer from severe anxiety at times and what I keep having to explain to people is that my anxiety is usually about having anxiety. I can get myself into a panic attack by worrying that I might have a panic attack. It sounds ridiculous, I know! The whole way through my first pregnancy I lived in terror of having a panic attack and of course, I did. Lots of doctors told me it wouldn't do any harm and now I am pregnant again and less anxious this time because I know that anxiety, even total heart racing, crying, dizzy, sweating, extreme panic, didn't harm my first baby. In fact, he's a really well - adjusted little boy, totally chilled and very philosophical! I think you need to remember everything you have come through and be extremely proud of yourself, any child would be lucky to have a mother who cares so much that she is willing to work so hard to get past the issues you have faced and embrace this pregnancy. I hope you will look back and be amazed and proud that you got through your mental health difficulties for your baby. When you face anxiety over other things, and there's a lot for new mums, you can look back and remind yourself how far you have come and know from experience that you can face any problems. This is all making you a stronger person and a better parent. thanks

Sleeplessinnorthlondon Tue 16-Jun-15 14:58:31

Thank you all so so much for support! Do recognise this is transferral of previous anxiety and just going to keep reminding self of that. Feeling, funnily, much more positive after truly disastrous counselling session today with someone I hadn't seen before who told me she thought I thought I was damaged and would damage my child as a mother. I suddenly thought no, im anxious but I don't think I'm damaged although I knew what she meant and the indignation kind of strengthened me. Thanks so much for sharing your stories so generously, you are truly inspirational support!!! Xxx

Sleeplessinnorthlondon Thu 18-Jun-15 20:03:52

Me again smile Had really, really good few days - not leant on husband so much, happy with therapy and CBT all going so well. Then - probably inevitably - today felt so bad. Was ok in morning, then went to see hypnotherapist which was relaxing actually although not sure of effect then to see husband to go to scan. He got held up at work which really sent me way off kilter totally disproportionately, triggered all sorts of fears that am in this on my own, then at scan doctors were pretty cold and have had to reschedule it as baby in wrong position. Much calmer now and in fairness anxiety much less pronounced when comes on and passes more quickly, plus longer periods between these feelings, but where does it come from and why??! Focusing on sleeping lots now and scaling down everything as CBT woman said as started to relax might find myself exhausted which am doing - could the exhaustion from starting to relax and lose the adrenaline keeping me going actually then trigger anxiety?! This seems mad!!! Grateful for any thoughts! Thank you!

sianihedgehog Thu 18-Jun-15 21:07:29

I'm pretty sure mine is hormonal, I just have bad days and it feels a bit like horrendous PMT. I think it sounds like your adrenaline spiked a bit because of your hubby being delayed, and that set of a cascade of anxiety. It's really good that you're able to identify that nothing terrible really happened and it is just anxiety this time, though.
I definitely feel exhausted when mine calms down - when it's bad my sleep is really disrupted , and I run on nothing but stress. I usually feel a bit weepy and overwhelmed at that point, but it improves again after a couple of good sleeps.

Sleeplessinnorthlondon Thu 18-Jun-15 21:21:22

Thanks sian!!! When are you due? Xxx

Focusfocus Fri 19-Jun-15 03:38:51

sleepless I have followed every post on your recent threads.

I strongly feel, seeking reassurance is not the right way to nip this in the bud. People reassured you last time too. You felt reassured. Then a paper or article entered the picture. It kept restarting. Like a cycle.

I've been there with health anxiety. Cancer paranoia got cured to be transferred to crippling fears about Motor Neurone Disease. Sought new cycke of reassurance. Rinse, repeat, back to square one.

While it's great you're feeling better, reassurance seeking will only feed the OCD-anxiety monster. Recognise the signs early on, get mental health support ASAP so that you don't enter a fresh cycle of the draining, exhausting process you've just been through.

sianihedgehog Fri 19-Jun-15 07:01:44

Sleepless I'm due in early August. not long to go!

chasingtherainbow Fri 19-Jun-15 07:08:27

Sleepless! I was so pleased to see this thread. I read your others and my heart hurt for you. This pregnancy stuff can be so hard. <offers hand>

I'm so pleased to hear you are feeling better. My first pregnancy was bliss, but this time my anxiety has been sky high at times. I get short relief periods after scans or hearing the hb at mw appointments for example but eventually I find somthing new to worry about. I've been using hypnotherapy and hypnobirthing cds which I find immeasurably helpful. And once I stop work (early leave) I'm going to really focus all my energy on getting into a calmer place all round. Xx

Sleeplessinnorthlondon Fri 19-Jun-15 11:15:28

Thanks all of you, as ever so helpful. You're right, I a, feeding it with reassurance. Need to stop!! Feeling super calm today so going to just try to stay this way. Huge luck to all those of you facing anything like this, we shall overcome! X

vegangirl Fri 19-Jun-15 12:43:37

So relieved you are feeling better! Take one day at a time, it's normal to have good days and bad days.

I find yoga really, really helps my anxiety/depression (I also take 10mg of citalopram a day) as does meditation.

I dont know if I am allowed to post links here but if you are interested in meditation, I cannot recommend this book highly enough:
"Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world" by Mark Williams.

Please keep posting here. When are you due?

Best wishes

Hippymama1 Fri 19-Jun-15 15:39:45

Hi Sleepless, I have been thinking of you and am so pleased to see that you are in a better place now and are making such good progress!

Just carry on as you are, steer away from the internet and asking for reassurance - as PPs have said, you are just feeding a new intrusive thought then...

Go and find something to take your mind off of things for a while - read a book, treat yourself to something or a nice walk being mindful of everything - trees, sky, sun, clouds etc - anything to stay in the moment and stop your mind wandering to these intrusive thoughts.

You are doing an amazing job. Your baby is fine and will be lucky to have such a brave mummy. smile flowers

FlumptyDumpty Fri 19-Jun-15 18:55:44

Sleepless you are doing fantastically well!

It's perfectly normal when recovering from anxiety to have days where you feel more anxious again and almost as if you are going backwards. We all get them, and they WILL pass. All that's happening is that the neural pathways that have previously been set up while you were suffering anxiety have fired off again. They will do so on occasion for a while, but as you recover they will fire less and less and as you progress with therapy you will get more and more adept at being able to see them from a distance and not engage with them. In time they will wither and die, while new, more healthy pathways, strengthen and take their place.

I agree with PPs that seeking reassurance, while perfectly understandable, is not going to help you in the long run. I also recommend mindfulness, which in time will give you distance from your obsessive ruminations. Also, something else you might find helpful, and should hopefully chime with your CBT is hope4ocd.com/foursteps.php. I have found these techniques enormously helpful.

As Hippy says, your baby is lucky to have such a brave mummy. To be scared of something yet do it anyway shows amazing strength of character. You should be very proud of how far you've come already.

Sleeplessinnorthlondon Sat 20-Jun-15 10:55:05

Thank you all, so so much for all your support. Due November, going to do all I can to stay on the straight and narrow from now on in! xxx

chasingtherainbow Sat 20-Jun-15 12:07:00

Sleepless I'm due Nov 14th. smile x

Sleeplessinnorthlondon Sat 20-Jun-15 15:48:59

chasing - got 2 due dates (long story!!) 11th and 15th - dont suppose you're in uch as we might overlap!
xx

chasingtherainbow Sat 20-Jun-15 16:17:32

I'm in the south west but do keep in touch :-) I'll be thinking of you!

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