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pregnant - terrified

(19 Posts)
primarynoodle Thu 11-Jun-15 11:35:51

Just found out im pregnant, had a really bad bout of dv midway through the month - didnt think anything of it but must of sicked up my pill.

I have just qualified as a teacher with a job lined up for september (baby would be due in march) and df has a decent job earning about 16k a year.

i am shocked and scared but would love to keep the baby. Financially i dont see how we can?

would i even be able to keep my new job if we went ahead?!

really scared - any advice would be appreciated sad

Saltedcaramel2014 Thu 11-Jun-15 11:43:17

Ok, take deep breaths, you've had a lot to take in.

You don't have to make any decisions right now, so take a couple of days to let the news sink in.

As it sounds like your gut feeling is that you'd like to keep the baby, let's start from there. Does your partner know and if so how did he react?

Saltedcaramel2014 Thu 11-Jun-15 11:46:12

Finances and career aside, are you at an age/point in life/in a relationship where you feel ready to have a child?

Do you have family on either side who could help you out financially and/or with childcare?

A lot of questions, sorry! But to build up a picture. You will get good advice from other posters on here re. finances, benefits and so on.

primarynoodle Thu 11-Jun-15 12:20:49

partner is really happy, kids are something that we have always talked about - if bfp was today in 2016 we would be overjoyed, the timing is just not great (i know its hard to plan for these things anyway) in terms of my job - i dont think id be entitled to maternity leave and as i dont start until September i dont know if they would withdraw the contract?!

currently living near no family, we could move closer to mil for moral support but shes still working and wouldnt be able to provide childcare etc. this would also mean new jovs for both me and dp :/

primarynoodle Thu 11-Jun-15 12:22:09

and financially my family would be able to contribute to prams, cots etc

but day to day living i dont know how we would support ourselves? 16k a year is not too bad for me and dp but with a baby on top???

Saltedcaramel2014 Thu 11-Jun-15 12:55:25

Hi. Well it's great that you and your partner's feelings about this are in line. With any luck there'll be someone along soon who can advise you on where you stand legally/job/benefits etc. 16k isn't a lot, I can see that, but people do manage...

I guess one key thing to consider is your age and health - do you feel conceiving again is likely to be straightforward? Obviously you can't know for sure but if you are youngish with no known fertility issues it's different than if you might have trouble conceiving again and this might regret ending a pregnancy now.

If it's predominantly financial/ job concerns worrying you then let's see if we can find a way...

In any case, please don't worry. Your partner sounds lovely and I'm sure you'll find the right way through this together.

primarynoodle Thu 11-Jun-15 13:29:40

thankyou, i feel a bit calmer already...

I am 22 with no health issues but my mum had a history of miscarriages - i think 5 before she conceived my older brother - does this affect me?

Skiptonlass Thu 11-Jun-15 14:35:10

You'd get tax credits too I imagine. There are various calculators online that work out what you're entitled to. You might be surprised.

The miscarriages- well, impossible to say definitively but likely no.

Saltedcaramel2014 Thu 11-Jun-15 17:34:05

Hi - I'm glad you're feeling calmer. well at 22 you have time on your side if you do decide this isn't right for you now. When you see your GP you could ask about your mum. Hmm weird that this board is quite quiet... If you don't get more posts maybe post afresh.

chocfireguard Thu 11-Jun-15 19:13:35

Have a look on the nut website....there is great guidance on mat leave and pay, and if my memory serves me, googling 'teacher maternity pay calculator' co es up with a tes link.. May give some clarity on the financial implications.

Andifyoudontfirstsucceed Thu 11-Jun-15 19:18:12

My schools maternity document discusses the length of time you have worked and the maternity package you get - think of its under a year it's 3 months paid. They might be annoyed but you need to put what you and your hubby want first really - being a teacher for 5 years now (and love it) I would say try not to put the job ahead of your life - it's something you might really resent!

primarynoodle Fri 12-Jun-15 15:16:35

thanks for all the help and advice yesterday.

i think im going to reject the teaching job and get a nursery nurse position to begin asap so i qualify for sma...

im excited but really nervous now!!! a baby!!! shock grin

FluffyJawsOfDoom Fri 12-Jun-15 17:54:00

Why not take a nursery position and then move to the school come sep? Either way you'd get MA. The school couldn't withdraw the contract as you will be protected by anti discrimination laws x

Guyropes Fri 12-Jun-15 19:16:41

You need to be in work for 26 weeks out of the qualifying period, so try and get some temp work in now for a couple of months. You'll qualify for maternity allowance, and as long as the school job isn't just a one year contract, they'll keep your job open for you to come back to.

is it that the 2 of you been managing ok on 16k while you've been training ?

Babies start costing money when they need childcare!

primarynoodle Fri 12-Jun-15 21:06:34

have been survivng on partners wage and my part time nanny job alongside my teaching degree, which is cash in hand because my hours are so sporadic - works out around 60 pw.

we do know what its like to have no money but its a bit different when theres a little one to look after too!

i know childcare is costly but by the time i go back to work it will be on a 22k salary plus dh's 16k salary so we should be able to afford that? even if pt works out more affordable...

went to cab today and we worked out with all benefits plus wage we will have about £150 pw to live on after all bills, rent, food, bus passes, nappies etc which sounds very manageable (although im sure the actual cost of a baby will be higher than ive predicted). We dont have a car so that saves an absolute shedload of money!

ch1134 Sat 13-Jun-15 08:55:41

Don't give up the post in Sept, especially if it''s permanent. You'll have it to go back to after a year which you're entitled to. You don't have to tell them until 25 weeks. It's likely that all you'll miss out on by not working there long enough is 12 weeks half pay. Check 'maternity matters' document from NUT. Congratulations.

Cheshirehello79 Sat 13-Jun-15 09:27:17

Primary noodle - first of all congrats :-) and don't panic! As other people have said I wouldn't give up the teaching job - contract additionally; they can't withdraw your offer if it's already in place as that's classed as discrimination. I would still take on the nursery job in mean time so that you get smp - remember to qualify for smp you need to be in continuous employment 26 weeks pregnant . You will also re rue holidays with the teaching job so that's extra cash. There's child tax credits/ income support and other benefits that you could claim and that will be of great help. If you are on low pay there's sure start up grant as well £500 that you could claim to buy baby stuff . Go to government website to check what you could qualify.

You should be ok if your intention is to keep the baby - p.s they always say every baby comes with their own blessing so you should be fine. :-) all the best

primarynoodle Sat 13-Jun-15 10:03:28

its a fixed term contract so not sure what my rights are there? have just signed with nut so i will give them a ring monday morning.

Laura7010 Sat 13-Jun-15 11:00:17

I'm a teacher and it is a tricky one if it's fixed term contract. Is it for a year? If you think you will give up the post I would ask for a meeting with the head and be totally upfront with them. Explain the situation and you never know what they might be able to do. If you were going to give it up anyway you have nothing to loose. You need to be employed for 26 weeks to get full benefit but this could include another education provider in your public authority. Would the nursery be included in this? If so you could work there now and simply move over in September and still be classed as continuous employment. I think it's a good idea to ring the nut but like I said be totally honest and upfront if you can.

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